Appology to Dany et-al for the use of the offensive term for BioDad.
I apologize to all for the recent resurrection of the banished term for BioDad.
Not to justify my use of the term, but my SS is with HIM and THEM and my aggravation level is high.
Historically my SS has a very hard time with school following Spring Visitation and the period after Spring Visitation is our toughest as far as his grades, lying, and behavior.
I am hopeful that his comparatively stellar performance this school year indicates that he has matured and developed his character enough not to allow their toxic crap to adversely impact his performance.
Again I apologize.
Best regards,
- Rags's blog
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We are all a bit sensitive in our blended family roles I think.
Me included.
I do understand where you are comming from but obviously from the perspective of my own blended family StepDad experience.
Obviously your DH is a caring and engaged Dad who makes the most of his time with your Skid. You obviously participate too. That is what kids need regardless of which side of the blended family they are with at any given time.
My own SS does many things similar to what you describe when he is on visitation with THEM. The problem is that overwhelmingly it is SS, the three half sibs and GrandMa. BioDad is rarely involved. During visitation they go to beach (no BioDad), the pool (no BioDad) and usually to a time share (usually no BioDad). Occasionally GrandPa will go or BioDad's sister and her family will go. Very rarely does BioDad go. He is too busy finding the flavor of the month girlfriend and the next mother for his next out of wedlock child. He has four out of wedlock spawn. My SS is the oldest. It is obviously not the kids fault that their BioDad has no business procreating.
We would be thrilled if any one on BioDad's side of the family ever expressed any interest in my Son's life, school, extracurricular activities, friends, activities. BioParernalGrandMa knows how to contact his school but neither nor anyone else on their side has ever asked or inquired about the Skids grades or anything else. The only thing THEY have ever called the school about is the first and last day of Chrismas, SpringBreak, Summer and what day School starts in the fall. GrandMa does not trust us when she calls to ask about the schedule. Never once in more than 15yrs has the school told her something different than what we tell her. GrandMa is only one who has ever called the school. BioDad has never called. But Head that he is!
Any derogatory terms that I throw out when posting are intended only for those that earn them. The kid focused, involved, and rationally non evil parents are not included in the derogatory classifications.
The dip shits like your BM/XW and my Skids BioIdiot are absolutely worthy of the titles.
Best regards,
Rick
When my sons refer to their
When my sons refer to their Bio they say MOM played in the shallow end of the gene pool. I have never put him down but my sons will in a heart beat.
My Skid has no problem calling it like it is with his BioDad.
We make it a point not to bad mouth BioDad but it is very, very difficult to hide some of our disdain for him.
My Skid usually comes home with some level of frustration with his BioDad. Usually about how little time BioDad spends with him during visitation. How SS has to sleep on teh floor at BioDad'w while the unrelated kids of the girl-friend-of-the-month get the bedrooms. How BioDad hauls all of the kids around in a van with no seat belts. How BioDad pawns the three half sibs off on GrandMa and GrandPa who raise them M-F and most weekends while BioDad is out trying to be a 38yo teeny bopper wanna be gang banger who puts a lot of effort in to convincing people that his mother is African American. GrandMa looks like Aunt Bee and BioDad looks like Opy Cunningham and would not know something African if it bit him.
I personally have every regard for many things African. My youngest brother was born in Ethiopia (now Eritrea). BioDad on the other hand is just an wanna-be. Wanna-be father to look up to (he failed miserably on this one), wanna-be gang banger rapper (he is genetically doomed to fail at this one), wanna-be player (the only women who will give him the time of day are either under age or toothless road whores), etc .........
Kids are smart. Even parents can only hide stuff from them for so long before they figure it out for themselves. It is just sad to watch them realize that one or the other of their parents is not worthy of their respect.
Fortunately most parents are decent people with the kids best interests at heart. It is because of the exceptions to this that this community even exists.
Best regards,
I actually asked myself that same question this weekend.
And I received the answer. My Skid called from the airport this morning after THEY dropped him off for his return trip from SpringBreak visitation. They gave him no money to eat on or to pay for his checked baggage.
Pathetic manipulative losers that they are they would rather have the kid not eat and abandon his luggage rather than giving him money to cover it. We gave him money to cover the same costs on his way to THEM. Fortunately we forecast their loser crap and gave him extra money.
Also, never in nearly 16 yrs have they ever gotten professional pictures done of him or with him. This trip they took him to get professional photos done.
Why now after 16yrs one may ask??????? "You have lost so much weight that you look good now and we want to get pictures done".
This after doing nothing but badmouthing his and our decision for him to attend military school. They are completely unwilling to recognize the benefits of anything we or SS decides to do but they are more than willing to take advantage of the results. Pathetic assholes that they are. Grrrr!
Who says something like that to a kid for God sake?
Pathetic scumbbag loser idiots. That's who.
I know, petty little crap but this is the shit they have been pulling from day one. All while pushing a supposedly superior family dynamic to the courts. "Why does she have to go to college? If she stayed home and took care or the baby and my son he would not have left her and maybe he would come back to her." "You should visit your Dad more even if you have to miss school to do it". "If is your fault that "Skids" dad does not spend much time with him on visitation, you are so focused on education that "Skid" thinks the stuff his Dad likes is stupid" (all from SpermGrandMa).
Never mind that the Skid and his BioDad have participated in video game tournaments, fantasy game card tournaments, etc ...... regularly since the Skid was 2. Never mind that we guide the Skid to enjoy his time with his family and not let adult things upset him.
I truly hate and detest these people.
A well placed meteor strike at a family reunion (that my SS was not at of course) would rid the world of the influence of their toxic gene pool. I can only hope that such a fortuitous celestial event occurs.
Best regards,
Rags...
You always get in trouble for this. You and I went a couple rounds about it. You should always listen to ColoradoGirl.
I still think you're fabulous...
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
I know, I know .... always listen to the ladies Rags.
CG,
That is why I apologized. I fell off the banished BioDad reference wagon.
I reengaged on my SpermDad-anon program and will try to stay on the wagon this time.
Best regards,
After working with etohers
After working with etohers all week, that was just the perfect statement. I ALWAY listen to CG. She's so wise.
To every thing there is a season.
Hi Rags
Don't worry, I wasn't offended. I know that the BioDad in your situation is indeed a real loser. And I also know that you know that there are a lot of great BioDads out there.
I think it really depends on the situation. There are a lot of great CPs out there. There are a lot of bad CPs out there. There are a lot of great NCPs out there, and there are a lot of bad NCPs out there.
And as this community proves, a whole lot of great Sparents.
Parents are the ones who put the interests of the kids above their own. Regardless of genetic, adopted or step status.
It is the supposed "parents" who don't that I detest.
Those people are not parents they are something worthy of only our disdain. Grrr!
Best regards,
Coming from someone who had a sperm donor for a dad
I view it within the context it is being used. I know from reading lots of posts here that a great many of the NCP dads are doing their very best to be good fathers, but when I read those stories the term "sperm donor" never enters my mind. Likewise, I never think twice when I hear (or read) the SMs refer to the BMs as psycho, bitchy, etc., etc. So what about the SMs here that are also BMs as well? Do you all get offended when one poster refers to another BM in a less than nice fashion, or do you also view it within the context it's being used?
I think you ROCK too, Rags!
How about WombDonor or genetic contributor?
Dany,
JJOC.
Us Sparents might be considered just built in scape goats or pay checks.
Best regards,
EXACTLY, Sasha
He isn't calling anyone else a sperm donor, he is talking about the person HE deals with, and we don't know that person. That may be EXACTLY what he is! Its his feeling towards him and he is entitled to them in my opinion. Now if he were to come out and say that all NCPs are are donors, THAT would be offensive. He is referring to this particular person and him only. I see no difference in any other names other people use on here for the people they deal with.
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
What about Womb for rent?
What about Womb for rent? As far as I'm concerned my ex and his family can go straight to some place hot for eternity.
I think what some people on
I think what some people on here seem to forget is, this is a VENTING website! Call him whatever you want. People use all types of terms on here for the people they deal with that they can't stand...girhippo, Beast Bitch, sperm donor...who cares? Its your feelings about that particular person, you are on a venting website...so who cares? You're not calling it to anyone else and you are the only one in your situation. You know if he really is only a sperm donor. In my opinion of your situation, thats EXACTLY what biodad is! Maybe shorten it to SDBD (sperm donor bio dad)and the people offended won't catch on!
"Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy"
I can think of worse names than sperm / egg donor
You can be a sperm or egg donor, and even if you don't do anything else, you have still made a valuable contribution (for the most part). Personally, I think being called a piece of shit is more offensive. There's just no redeeming qualities about shit.
I don't see what the big deal is about the term(s) sperm or egg donor. Let's face it: there are an awful lot of both out there. If your H is referred to as such, as long as you and those closest to him know the truth, what's the big deal?
I also think Rags has every right to come here and vent, and like someone else said, the BF in his situation just might be a sperm donor, so who are we to judge?
How about the fertilizer uses for shit?
Sasha,
Great civilizations in history have been built on the fertile additions to the soil through the application of shit. (pieces, slurry or granulated).
I have seen some benefits of shit that BioDad would have a hard time matching.
Best regards,
Rags, you got me there!
Ok Rags, ya got me. I guess there is ONE redeeming quality of shit.
Somehow, though, calling someone a "piece of fertilizer" just doesn't have quite the same impact as "piece of shit."
And I was trying to stick up for you
I was playing around.
Sasha,
Thanks for your support.
I was still a bit hungover from the Heart Ball the night before and was being a SmartAss.
It truly was intended as a joke.
Best regards,
"The Incubator"
That is one of my names for BM.
The Incubator - Truly what she is.
MOTY - Mother-of-the-Year - Does nothing for the kids best interest or daily well being. Just likes to swoop in and create problems when kids are upset that I have rightfully denied something.
Fairy Godmother - Doesn't care that things aren't deserved. Just wants to be in their good graces.
Psycho Psalley - Off her meds
Friendly Fran - friend mode
Underdog - Saves the day
It all depends on my mood and how she has pissed me off that day. To limit these types of arguments I keep it to BM for the most part on here.
I do not call her these names in front of the kids. But call her I do. In fact, I have never called her these names to her face. I am cordial with her, no let me rephrase that I have been cordial with her in the past. NOW she gets NOTHING from me. Not even a hello. I don't pretend anymore and the kids have admitted that when they go for visits she sits and bashes me to them. I ask what have I done to her? Their response, IDK but she hates you. I have done nothing but encouraged a relationship with her and even when she mistreats them I have consoled them and told them that she loves them very much but is just going through a difficult time. My kids can even tell you that they have NEVER heard me speak ill of their mother. What do I get in return. Bashed and trashed at every turn. Worst part is that my kids know, but what about my kids friends and their parents that BM befriends and bashes me to?
So Rags, if he is a Sperm Donor that is because of his own doing and no one elses. I just feel that somethings need not be apologized for especially when a person doesn't know your history. Especially when a person hasn't taken the time to know that you have been there doing and giving love and support to SS for all these years. The problem we have on here is that a person walks in, reads a post and blasts away. THey do not take the time to go back a couple of posts to see what led to the statements to begin with. And any person on here who sits and pretend that they haven't had a few choice names for the person the dislike is only lying to themselves.
Quack! Quack!
Hell I've been called worse and I'm doing the job that BM should be doing. BM should be thankful that her kids have someone who teaches, loves, encourages and supports them AND their relationship with her no matter how defunct, but the BM that I deal with is incapable of seeing the beauty that is me because she wants and needs me to be a horrible person because her kids think that I am COOL.
Just because one opens her legs twice, does not a mother make! ~ ME ~ }:-P