Would you rather....
...be completely disregarded/ignored by BM or have contact?
At every visitation exchange of ss, BM and I move bags and bikes and stuff from car to car, and she really pretty much ignores me completely all the while. A couple of times I wandered off and gave no help, but that just extended the whole awkward thing, so now I just load up and then hang with 'the boy' until we can get out of there and start the trip home.
DH and BM's fiance get along really well and do most of the communicating at exchanges, but BM will always act as though I'm not there.... It drives her batty when the boy runs to me for hugs though!
An example: she asked DH if we would modify our time with him so that we had him for Thanksgiving week rather than our xmas time last year, because she was due to give birth around then, and we agreed, telling her that I would be recuperating from my 2nd major surgery of the year at Thanksgiving so I'd be home and getting around pretty well by then (after 2 years of dealing with multiple fibroids, the only solution was a hysterectomy; 10 months after having 7 of them removed, they returned with a vengeance and damaged my uterus beyond repair.). NEVER once did she ask how I was doing. The boy did and does, although we've never told him the specifics of my health issues.
Anyway, after reading what some of you are going through with your skids' BMs, I've come to the realization that... given the alternative, I think I prefer it this way!
Thoughts from anyone else?
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Excellent question...
I see a lot of women on here really irritated that the mom doesn't acknowledge them or give them the respect they feel they deserve, and others who want the mom to not talk to them for any reason.....it's probably different in each situation
"The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change, So that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger, but in wisdom, understanding, and love." -Jennifer Edwards
I ,as a BM would think it's
very rude to not speak to my son's SM, or even in my case right now.....the x isn't married, he's on GF #70 since the divorce, but hey....that's who's going to be around my son this time....so if she shows up I'll certainly speak to her and hope she'll do the same. It's manners if you ask me.
From the SM point of view, I feel the same way. I'll speak to the Human Beast Bitch, even though it may be a very lenghty conversation, I'll atleast say hell and goodbye. I've gone out of my way to talk to her, like if I know she's sick or something I will call and check on her and see if she needs anything, that kind of thing. She appreciates it......
I guess it really depends on the situation.
One less complication
BM has not communicated with us for over a year-although she has "dumped" the day to day responsibility of her teen son on Dh and I for the past 2.5 years-dealing with her parenting mess is enough work-to have to listen to her would be a deal breaker for me!
Step Parenting – you might need to step back before you step in something!
I know I wish The MOO COW wouldn't ever talk to me!
Since BS and SD go to the school, on her days I see her picking up SD and I pretend I don't see her, till SD gets in the car then and only then I wave! not any other time we have to see her, She tries to talk like we are all parenting together, even tho between the 3 of us, i am the only one who does. Bm does nothing but be the "nice" mommy, H is so afraid to tell SD anything, when he does get mad at her he makes it a joke like.. Stop hitting your brother (my BS) and then don't you know what stop means? and pushes her or playfull little smack on the head.. But when he tells BS to stop. It's Stop!So I carry the total burden. Then BM says "If she hates you, you must be doing something right? WTF?? So i wish she would completely and totally ignore me all the time!!!!
WHAT A NICE LIFE THAT WOULD BE
What I would prefer
is for BM to be able to communicate with me in a civil and mature manner, and not degrade into namecalling and lying to try to make me feel insecure in my relationship. I would LOVE to be able to have a working, positive relationship with BM.
Given the choice between how she chooses to communicate with me, and no communication at all, I pick no communication at all. It's just not worth it.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
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We are cordial. She tried to
We are cordial. She tried to throw her "I'm the BM, and you're the BD, and I see fit to discuss this issue with you, not her." I think her friend set her straight, since I was the one taking the kids EOW while then BF was deployed. Someone talked sense in to her, b/c after that comment, I was cc'ed on everything, or issues were brought up to me first, then I would redirect to BF. I never mentioned anything. I think things are fine the way they are now. We are friendly, but not friends. She waves hello and goodbye everytime. I'd hate a BM that micromanaged like others I've read. There's only room for one alpha in my life, and that's ME.
I prefer to stay completely clear of DH EX WIFE LOL
I have not met her nor do i want too,spkids are now adults anyways,And from what i have heard from all circles its best to keep things the way they are period,Her life is her life not mine,What happens from here on in is at the distruction of her own mind and her own hands,in other words what goes around comes around,case closed lol
We mostly ignore each other
I think I prefer that. If we have to speak for whatever reason, we do but it's mostly strained and we almost NEVER have to speak to each other, which is how I like it.
50/50 Custody
We have the skids every other week and she ignores me. In fact, she ignores me to the point that it is rude. She complains constantly to her lawyers, the judge, counselors, my DH, the kids all about me - yet she does not speak to me.
Sorta the "if I cant see you then you dont exist". She is a actually a great mom. She just seems to hate me? So we do not interact, yet we see each other several times a week, our kids play on the same sport teams and attend the same elementary...two of them even share a grade.
She is passive-aggressive, I guess.
"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."
We tried to communicate
at first, but it just opened me up to all sorts of abuse and pettiness when I didn't do exactly what she wanted. So one day, she sent me a really snotty email accusing me and DH of not caring about one of her daughters' feelings. I was so infuriated by her hypocrisy (she essentially hates her other daughter and has done absolutely horrible things to her) that I responded in kind. So, she then decided that she refused to talk to me anymore. I think she thought that would be a big punishment, but actually, it's been great.
It's been much nicer to have a relatively BM-free existence in our household (except for the emails in which DH does our only communication with her). I don't think either of us realized how much she was infecting our home with her toxicity until she stopped gracing us with her communication. SO, I much prefer having her ignore me.
BB
- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)
Danyelle has it right
No contact period with BM is the best. Why subject yourself to someone who obviously has no interest in even being civil to you at all. She obviously has a chip on her shoulder about the whole thing so why even bother?