When you have your life all set, then other children come and change the dinamic of your life. It can be really hard. No we aren't the brady bunch either.

SKIDS have no real rules and it stresses me out... No set schedule for baths, dinner, cleaning, getting ready they pretty much watch tv play on the computer or whatever else their lil hearts desire... I just try to go about my business as if they aren't there. I am treated as if I don't matter so I try not to let it bother me...

We share the SK 50-50 and they come home for 7 days EOE Friday. Tomorrow is that day- Black Friday, as I've taken to call it. Starting the day before, I think back to how peaceful my life has been and remind myself to disengage again, and again and again when they come home. I remind myself that they aren't my kids and try to focus on my own kids at home, without making it seem obvious. I try to be a fun SM, while still dealing with how much more relaxed and generally happy I am when they aren't here.

That, and make sure the red wine and ear plugs are ready to go.

Our weekends with the skids have ALWAYS been life as usual. On the weekends, I always cook one big meal one day, then we do a smaller meal the next. Every now and then we might order pizza or something, but we don't eat out. With five kids, eating out means taking out a second mortgage. Every now and then, we might take them all out to Wal-Mart and let them spend a few bucks or something, but again, with five kids, that takes a lot of money and it's not a regular thing. Up until now, we've always lived near the beach, so we will take them there a lot, but otherwise, it's just business as usual. We have bedtimes, mealtimes, the regular routine. In between, they play and we just hang out being a family. I might bake some brownies or cookies during their visit. We might get a PPV or rent some movies and make popcorn during their visit. If it's near a holiday, we'll do something holiday-related... Halloween hayride, decorating the Christmas tree, seeing the 4th of July fireworks. For the most part, our weekends with the skids look exactly like any other day, only with more people in the house.

I don't get depressed about them coming. Most of the time I look forward to their visits and I even enjoy having them with us. But there have certainly been weekends that I've faced with absolute dread in the pit of my stomach. Sometimes, having that many kids in a small house can be really overwhelming. And what is it with kids, anyway? Whether they are my bio kids or my stepkids, every single one of them goes running to the mom of the house for everything! I've lost track of the number of times I've had to tell my kids and skids alike, "Hey, kiddo, you do have another parent in this house. We call him 'Dad.' Go get him to help you. Mama's busy."

It doesn't sound horrible at all. Visits with the skids are supposed to be just like any other day. You can't go to Disneyland every day. Dreading those visits is totally human and whatever gets you through it can't be a bad thing.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

We also have a 50/50 arrangement. Every Tues/Wed and every other Fri, Sat, Sun. For the most part, I don't mine when we have everyone and occasionally I even look forward to it. However, sometimes I get extra tense on those weekends. More kids means more friends in the house, more noise, mess etc... (and more red wine)

What I don't like is when my dh acts like the only time we can go anywhere or do kid things is when his kids are here. I don't think it is fair to my bd. I can understand him wanting to do things with everyone, and I enjoy that too, but I din't always think that it HAS to be a prerequisite to going out.

Georgie

take a mothering role. I do that with my (grown) children. SS has a perfectly good mom and dad. I am always pleasant and kind but do absolutely nothing. My dh does his part by cooking for him and entertaining him and does so happily.

I mostly smile & leave to have lunch/dinner/movies/plays with my girlfriends. SS is 15.8 & I am counting down. I am just tired. Don't really want kids (his/mine/yours) around anymore at my age (54). & at my age I don't care what anyone thinks!

Frequently dread the skid time. It's not them, it's just the drama with BM and not being able to do what I want on a weekend when I've worked hard all week.

Sometimes wonder if DH acknowledges all I put into the situation and think I may start to withdraw and let him do all the organising. . .

At least you've made me realise it could be worse - could have 50/50. How DO you cope????!!!! Hell on earth.