Wow.. Our counselor told my dh in no uncertain terms that unless we moved to the same city as the ex and her kids, he wouldnt have the close bond w/him that he should. They live a little over an hour away, and in an area that has a lower salary bracket.

We have just finished remodeling our home.. Luckily my dh saw the look of horror on my face and said that was not a possibility and that he wouldnt do that to me.

That said... I would explain to him that just as he wouldnt want to move into a house on the same street as your parents... You would prefer to have some buffer between you and the ex, based on the problems she has created in the past.

Further.. you should let him know that your moving there does not guarentee him that the ex will stay in that area.. and could move immediately after you both change jobs and move closer.

If you have them every weekend and every holiday and all summer, ask him what he is hoping to achieve in this move. Be ready to counter points he is making w/logic and lack of emotion over it.

400 miles is pretty far to drive every other weekend....but I can understand your hesitation.

My skids live an hr away from us and that isn't far enough. I'd like 2 go further lol You already have them enough. It is the same for me. My skids used to come over every other wknd, (that stopped after the note I found from my sd which I told the story on a forum topic on this site, but it will go back to that soon, they already started coming over more often recently), they're here all summer every yr, rotating holidays. That is MORE than enough. Too much for me. Last thing I'd want is for them to be around more often than that and for them and their BM to be any closer to me. Do whatever u can, without making it seem as if you don't want to be around them and stay away for your sake.

I am trying to keep an open mind. We live apprx 20 min away from the EX from hell...hubby indicated that was so he could be close enough to remain active in their lives, see them often etc.

This has caused serious issues for our relationship. We have a crazy EX who purposely drives by and around our house (we live on a corner lot) numerous times in the week to see if we have anything new or what we are doing...I call her the SPY! Also I think she does it just to let us get angry because we see her doing it. Since we live on a main street and she no longer parks outside the house (unless for scheduled drop offs of skids) she is allowed to do it because she has the right to drive on these roads. Yep, that is what we have been told.

Living this close to the skids has gotten hubby nothing, not one thing, unless you want to point out lots of grief. He has joint custody (which is a joke because BM can still do what she wants, when she wants and does NOT have to consult hubby because she is their primary caretaker). Hubby gets EOW, and holidays only when she allows it (worded in the agreement as open access for holidays, etc providing it is accepted by BM). Usually the only holidays we get are when she has plans and wants to go away without the kids.

I would think seriously about these issues I have just pointed out. (Also, before...apprx 2 yrs ago, she used to drop in unexpectidly all the time to talk about this or that with hubby...several times a week. She would use the kids as an excuse (which could have been discussed in 1 min or less) and would then just stand there and talk to him, basically getting information about our lives. Hubby fell for this hook, line and sinker each time because she was being polite. No matter what I said, the hubby would down size it. The only reason this stopped is because the EX decided to be a crazy lady and showed up here one day screaming at me, calling me names, etc in front of all the kids. The police had to be called....if this had not have happened, I can guarantee we would be still having these drop in visits.

I would strongly suggest you stay where you are and not relocate to the same city. If hubby is already getting his EOW and all the other holidays and things have been working thus far, leave it alone...if not, you will be opening a can of worms I am afraid. I dont wish this life on anyone, not even my worst enemy.

Good Luck to you & the decision you both make.

Corie

The closest we have ever lived to the skids was 250 mi. No, it's not close enough to be a daily presence in the skids' lives and yes, my DH has felt awful about that, but even if we lived right next door to them, our BM is the type that would still do whatever she could to limit his time with the skids. We now live 1,075 mi away from the skids and we don't get to see them, but we finally have PEACE.

You said the halfway point - 200 mi - would be acceptable to you. That sounds like a pretty good compromise to me. You'd be meeting him halfway. Moving closer won't guarantee him more time with the skids, unless he seeks and is successful in getting a modification to increase his parenting time. All moving would do is lessen the drive time to get them and return them.

♥ Georgia, the un-stepmom ♥

"Good men don't just happen. They have to be created by us women." (from ROSEANNE)