DO I ENJOY DRAMA???
Crazy BM has not been crazy for a while, so I should be overly happy but instead I am tring to figure out what she is up to. When I check her myspace, which I really need to stop doing, she is working out or going out with friends, can she be that okay with losing placement? This is the women who tried for 3 years to ruin my life and split my DH and I up because I was not going to be around her son. I have had her arrested 2 times and she has called my work to get me fired 3 times and wrote a letter, she has called DSS to get our foster daughter taken away whom we are now adopting. So why do I feel a little boring now that she is not causing drama in our life? Is it because that is what I am used to and I am unsure how to deal with having a calm everyday life? Even when I go to school events she does not freak on my DH anymore? He loves it he goes over on Wed. to pick up his son from his visit with BM and she says goodbye to her son and does not talk to my DH at all. Could she be really okay, or is she being nice because of the appeal she filed? I have no idea what is happening with the appeal they say is takes a while hopefully nothing, it has been 2 months and we have not heard anything yet, I hope the new judge says NO to the appeal, nothing illegal happened during the 3 day trial BM just did not like the outcome, but she seems to be loving the freedom now!!! Thats it an I jealous she gets to go out all the time and I am home raising her son, no that is what I wanted I wanted to win because we are the better more stable home for my SS, so what is wrong with me. We do not have to pay 150 a week in child support anymore and I love that which I am sure she does not love that because she went back to waitressing on the weekends she does not have her son. Plus DH and her go to court later this month to decide if she has to pay him CS, she should he had placement, he had to pay her support and the child went back and forth every 3 days, it was split placement and split custody, now it is split custody placement with dad and placement is like having custody anyway. So any advice and I will take it!!!
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Comments
Give it time
After so much drama it is hard to get back to relaxing. Its like your body is in the 'fight or flight' instinct and takes time to trust again.
I know the older I get, the less I want any form of drama. If you are still young you may be a little more tolerant. I think you will get used to this and grow to like the calm. And hopefully it does stay calm!
Like my job now is slightly dull but I am so happy because of the lack of drama there - I want to keep this job forever! Dull becomes normal and it is a lot better for your health than constant stress.
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
I went through the same thing
I am still going through it to some extent. It's hard to turn a complete 180 after 4.5 years of getting hundreds of emails every week, phone calls to my work trying to get me fired, watching out behind me because she might be following me in her car, changing my cell number when she figures it out (again), looking around to see if she's parked anywhere near before I get out of my car...it really dominated my life for that time and now that I haven't heard a peep from her in over 6 months, I can't help but wonder why and what she's up to now.
I still periodically check her myspace to see if she's updated, or check the different sites that I frequent to see if she's posted anything nasty about me.
I can totally relate to wondering how the BM can go out and enjoy herself so much when you'd think she wouldn't be able to. My SS's BM had been laid off from her job for 6 months and decided to go chasing her favorite bands around the country going to their concerts. She has to get her parents to pay her bills, had her phone and internet shut off due to not paying the bills, and has bill collectors calling every day but somehow she found the time and money to go to all these concerts.
I will never understand.
*~So sayeth Nymh~*
As far as Myspace status
As far as Myspace status checking goes-- I think pretty much everybody does that. And let me just say that one of my closest friends on there has status messages that DO NOT match her personal life at all, so don't be fooled. Her status will be something like,"Went shopping with BFF today and had the best time ever, hubby came home and cooked me dinner, I love my life!!" And in reality, I will just have been on the phone with her for a couple of hours and while all those things may have happened (sort of) she was ALSO locked in her room half the day threatening to leave her husband b/c of arguments over how to take care of their baby. There sure wasn't any of THAT in her myspace status.
I would feel exactly the same way you do about everything you mentioned.
I know the feeling
BM was sweet as pie to me at SS's party yet I still feel uneasy. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. I think its because we spend so much time in defense mode that we don't know how to relax when the drama fades away. Just try to push those negative thoughts out of your mind and enjoy the good moments in your day to day life. Its what I'm trying to do so I don't know how well that method works but its worth a try.
I agree with Evil, it is a fight or flight thing.
You are so used to the adrenalynn of fighting with her that you are in an adjustment period.
You may want to direct the energy in to working out yourself or if you are still awaiting information on her appeal you could put the time and energy in to research and prepping for that.
Our situation is fairly stable with the exception of when SpermGrandMa calls to arrange visitation travel. We never know which of her personalities we are going to get "Chatty Kathy", "Sweet Aunt Bee" or the "Bitch From Hell". So, we decide what we are going to to and when we are going to do it and then tell her when he will be available to start visitation (summers only since winter and spring are fixed). But, we prep non the less. If we are ready and have worked through the most likely contingencies then we can stay calm and in control while she freaks out.
Good luck and best regards,
Mee too
Things on the war front have been fairly quiet and I even stop checking steptalk as much as I use too. For so many years it was one dramatic thing after another, it got to the point I would open my mailbox with anticipation of the next event.
I would like to give myself the satisifaction that she learned her lesson and is learning to keep to herself and their is nothing she can do or say about us that will effect our lives,
I dont know if I miss the drama, or if I never got the closure of telling her exactly what I wanted to for all these years. How we almost split up because of her, how she nearly destroyed our family and what a big screwed up bitch, I know she is.
It seems funny but she got practically everything she wanted, and pretty much drained us dry, I mean what else can she ask for?
I guess if I was going to put closure on this, I would of liked to have given a dose of her own medicine and let a supeona come to her door and let her feel the stress she gave us.
So its like she won ....