I'm going to kill someone if this shit dont stop!!!!!
So my 7mo old son and I get woken up at 4am today to my SD screaming her head off because "shudder" she had to sleep in her own crib! so my FDH goes in there to calm her. ya fing right. calm her? ha. no such thing. I finally get my son back to sleep at 5am. So what does FDH do? brings SD STILL FING SCREAMING into our bedroom. So "shocker" up goes our son again. So of course as usual i have to get up put my son in his swing to try to soothe him back to sleep *he is* and FDH and SD are in OUR bed snoozing away and i'm up MAD AS HELL. Somehow this will be all my damn fault like usual. Its to the point that whenever SD aka Captain Whine A Lot comes to spend the night my son and i are going to my mothers so we can actually sleep and not be driven to the point of insanity by all the whining and screaming. I'm going to lose it. I'm honestly to the point where I want to take my son and leave for good. The only thing that stops me is the fact that I would ahve to share custody of son w/father and I don't trust him to treat our son the same as his princess. not to mention i dont want our son turned into a whiny brat like FDH is doing to his daughter! WHat the hell am i gonna do? Leave the country w/son and run away? I'm considering it....
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I think that you have to
I think that you have to remember that this child is only a baby herself. 17 month olds do cry and whine a lot. My DS would cry when he woke up alone in his crib sometimes. Of course I didn't have a 7 month old to deal with too at the time.
Is there any way you and the baby can sleep in separate room from your FDH when SD is visiting? Maybe SD can sleep in a pack n play in the living room while FDH sleeps on the couch? Obviously, thats not a long term solution but sometimes you have to do whatever is necessary to get sleep when dealing with babies.
I understand she's very young
I understand she's very young and know that my son will pry do this at her age also. My issue is that we do sleep in seperate rooms because of this. My son and I sleep in my FDH's and I's bedroom when SD is here and FDH will usually sleep on the couch outside her room or they sleep together on couch or her room. My bitch this morning was why in the hell does he feel the need to bring a screaming toddler into the room my son and i are sleeping in when there is THREE other bedrooms available to him?? This happens repeatedly and i dont understand why. I know he is fed up w/her tantrums but he absolutely refuses to admit there might be a problem.
This isn't just a fear thing w/SD either. It doesn't matter if she is sleeping on FDH's chest she will wake up look at him and just scream right in his face. He will pace for an HOUR with her and she will just scream and scream. Ive never seen anything like it and have no clue why. Of course we have no idea whats really going on at her nutty ass moms house. I just think this is stretching the limits of normal small child behaviour
Been there done that. This is
Been there done that. This is the approach i take w/my son unless its his nightime feeding becuz he still wakes up for one feeding at night. my son sleeps great even at 7mos unless his half sister is here to scream him awake. I brought this up with FDH when SD was younger and he resisted at first then tried it and it worked for months, no probs, now all of a sudden he thinks its the most evil idea he's ever heard of.
Controlled crying isnt just
Controlled crying isnt just advice off the TV. It has worked for everyone that I know who has tried it. And a LOT of Jo Frosts advice is good. She has been publishing books in the UK for over 10 years. She has no tolerance for entitled brats which is a lot better than a lot of the advice out there for parents which is treat your kids like royalty then woopsie when they turn into hellions.
I agree, sleep training a 17
I agree, sleep training a 17 month old who splits time between 2 houses is going to be difficult, if not impossible. My DH and his ex split when SD was 9 months old. I wasn't in the picture until SD was almost 4 but he told me that when she was a baby, she would cry practically all night long when she was with him. Babies do best with routine and when they are going between 2 homes, their routine is thrown completely off. I feel for this little one.
My DH used to sleep with SD when we got together, which became a problem when she was 4, but this is not an entitled or spoiled 4 or year old, this is a confused scared baby.
Number 2,3,4,7, def 8,and 11.
Number 2,3,4,7, def 8,and 11. Oh boy i'm in for it arent i?
I'll say it again, I think
I'll say it again, I think Dr. Spock should be dug up and his a$$ should be whipped! LOL.
It's called a different
It's called a different parenting style, Crayon. You've gone off on your usual tangent that really has nothing to do with the subject at hand.
This is a 16 month old, not a 5 yr old here. And personally, I do not agree with leaving a 6 month old to cry it out either. But that's my own person parenting style. I'm raising a healthy, well adjusted, extremely independent, smart, social child and I would bet that if you would think I coddle him because I let him sleep with me sometimes or never let him cry it out as a baby.
And I'd be willing to bet that both my DS and SD will grow up, more secure, happier, successful and well adjusted than your kids did.
It never ceases to amaze me
It never ceases to amaze me how riled ppl get on here when they read about my story of how this all happened. I've never claimed that any of the "adults" involved acted great but damn give it a rest already. I guess i failed to realize how perfect everyone else in the world is. How is it that I repeatedly get slammed everytime I post on this site but yet the divorce rate in this country (usa) is insanely high and some statistics report that 80% of men and women admit to having cheated on a partner and yet it just FLOORS ppl on this site that it could ever happen.
Sorry if i sound like super bitch i'm just tired of ppl getting all righteous on me on this sight.
To whoever asked no these are his only children. yes he pays support on time everytime.
When BM got preggo w/SD she was sleeping w/4 men that we know of, intentionally stopped taking her birth control and she was not living with my FDH for many months actually 2 years at that time. Yes in the beginning he cheated on her w/me. No they were not a monogamous couple for the last 3 years of their relationship (if u can call it that). In my totally honest opinion she purposelly got pregnant to try to trap him.
Maybe its time for me to go to a different site for advice. My situation seems to upset ppl way to much on this sight. I honestly didn't realize that casual sex was that big of a sin in this day and age. And i took every precaution to avoid pregnancy, had been on birth control for years but somehow got pregnant anyway. I don't believe in abortion so i had my son and wouldn't take a damn thing back if i could!
Thank you to everyone who actually tries to help me instead of trying to preach about something that is already over and done with and can't be changed.
To get back to my post- my main bitch is that our 7mo old is held to a higher standard than his sister who is 10months older. our son should be made to sleep in his room alone no matter what and i should just let him cry himself to sleep instead of feeding him at night when he's hungry. Thats coddling him so i've been told. But the little princess gets cuddled and paced across the house for HOURS and still screams her head off and i'm an asshole for even THINKING there might be soemthing wrong with this situation in FDH's eyes!
Stop apologizing for your
Stop apologizing for your situation and stop letting the judgemental types get to you. If you believe half of everything you read then the BM is only acting like a psycho b/c the new SM must have been the mistress, lmfao! (Couldn't possibly be that she's just a nutcase loser, now could it??? LOL!)
Anyway, I digress....
It is obvious that your FDH is acting out his guilt about whatever and in the process, overly coddling his D. Might I suggest that you both take a parenting class together? Not saying that you need to. Just thinking that IF he hears what you're saying from a professional, maybe he'll be more inclined to believe it. Just a thought. Best of luck to you and don't stop posting!
I get touchy simply because
I get touchy simply because this situation is making me crazy. I expected BM to be a nutso because she is. She's severley bipolar and i didn't expect it all to go smoothly. Honestly i expected everything that she's done. The parts i have probs w/is FDH not taking control, which seems to be a running theme for most women on here!
I agree w/you on the guilty daddy thing. He's admitted it himself. Although he stops short of admitting that his parenting skills may be lacking (not that mine are the "right" way all the time either). I've brought up classes therapy new CO agreements you name it. Nothing has come of any of it.
Find a local parenting class
Find a local parenting class and check it out. Make sure it will be covering the issues you are having specifically. Then go over both of your schedules to make sure the class time works for you then... sign up, for both of you. Have a nice dinner and when he seems relaxed, tell him about the class and then tell him that you really feel like doing this together will benefit all involved. You know... sell it girl, lol.
I honestly think their is
I honestly think their is something going on at her mothers house at bedtime that we are unaware of that is the root cause of all this. She has all her teeth already so i don't think its that. Never thought of the growing pains in the legs. I guess to clarify a little bit- This child does not cry, she literally shrieks. I dont think i can even scream that loud. Others (non family no relation) that have been here when this happens always comment on how odd her behaviour is. It doesn't just happen at night this is usually an all day event. Everything will be going along just fine and them WHAM she will just flip her lid and there is nothing happening. She's not grabbing at any part of her body, you cannot comfort her in anyway, holding her doesn't stop it, singing, nothing! i have tried everything under the sun and NOTHING.
Since she was 3 mos old i wanted us to take her to a dr to be checked out. from the time she was born up until a year old she would only have 1 bowel movement a week. now i know all babies differ but this seemed extreme to me. She was very colicky (although her parents would never admit it). She has regular bowel movements now. But i still believe something may be wrong. Not that shes really "behind" developementally but her actions. Plus her mom drank and smoked weed thru out the pregnancy. She was involuntarily commited TWICE while pregnant for having drugs in her system and threatning to take her own life and the childs life.
Plus the baby had a grand mal seizure at birth but nobody has ever told us anything beyond that.
lmao. I'm sorry not laughing
lmao. I'm sorry not laughing at you, I totally agree with you. I'm just imagining what would happen if i said that to FDH. It would pry be somewhere near the equivalent of the U.S. dropping the bomb on Hiroshima.
Our son has a daily routine and he is a great baby. So im a strong supporter of routines for children starting in infancy but FDH's head would blow off if i suggested this although i believe it would work best for all involved.
Next time she comes to spend the night I'm taking my son to my mothers and we will just say there so we can have some peace and not be stressed out. Is this going to far? I know it wont go over well but its just reached that point where no matter what i'm not going to allow my son to be put out because of his father's guilt over daughter.
You mentioned that BM did
You mentioned that BM did drugs (and alcohol) while pregnant. Is it possible that your SD is going through withdrawals when she is with you guys? Is BM feeding her drugs or alcohol?
My SS did long distance
My SS did long distance visitation with the SpermClan from age 1 to age 18. 5Wks summer (6wks until he started school), 10 days fall (until he started school), 1Wk winter, 1Wk spring.
We have never lived closer than 1200 miles to SpermLand since we married when SS was 1yo.
We have lived the nightmare of how incorrigible little shits can pollute an otherwise good kid with their bratty crap.
My SS was an amazingly calm and content little boy. He would come home from SpermClan visitation as a raging little shit after 1-6wks of visitation with BioDad and being exposed to the spawn of the baby mama of the month that the SPermIdiot would move in to the house.
My SS is an only child in our home and the oldest of the SpermIdiot's four out-of-wedlock spawn by three baby mamas. Baby mamas #'s 2 and 3 have both older and younger children by other men. It is the older baby mama spawn that tormented and tortured our son. As he got older and his half sibs were being incorrigible brats, SS would come home from visitation having regressed from speaking clearly and wearing underwear to pointing, grunting, crying and wearing a pull up. He saw his younger sibs getting attention from the SpermClan for this behavior so he got attention from the SpermIdiot and SpermClan the same way. They actually thought it was cute to see a 4yo with a bottle and in a diaper. It drove my wife and I nucking futz.
He has come home with pieces of meat missing from his back and scabbed over bite marks all over his back, covered in scratches and with splinters all over from being thrown out of a window in to a bush, scars fish hooks in his body, etc......
We had to have our attorney provide the SpermClan with absolute clarity on how bad we would kick their asses in court if they did not get that crap under control in a hurry. We have countless file folders full of photographs of our son’s injuries, puss filled welts on his ass from diaper rash, his bleeding anus from diaper rash, etc, etc, etc......
I have zero tolerance for this kind of crap. A parent does not allow their child to be victimized by anyone including another child.
Of course infants and toddlers will take toys from each other, hit each other, push each other and that is fine. They need to be corrected with they do it. But when one child, regardless of age, jeopardizes the well being of another it is the parent's job to make sure it stops.
In this case it sounds as if your SO is in a bit over his head. Time to take control and let him know that he does not bring his screaming 17mo in to the room where his and your other child is sleeping. You don't take the baby in to the room where your SD is sleeping when the baby goes ballistic in the middle of the night.
Your solution of going to your mom's to get some sleep with your baby should be communicated to SO as what you will do to make sure you and your baby are getting rest if he does not figure out how to deal with the screaming 17mo old.
I used to take our son (my SS) in to another room when he would have his rare middle of the night spaz fests. So would my wife. We would trade off. However, when you have an infant that you are the PC Parent for, your SO needs to be the PC parent for his child when these events occur.
Down the road you may want to consider trading off on the erupting kid(s).
But for now, I think you each have a kid to focus on as far as basic care is concerned. Your SO has to figure out how to give both of his children the attention they deserve from him. He can’t care for SD-17mos at the expense of your BS-7mos.
All IMHO of course.
Best regards,
@Ryleysmama - if SD's overall
@Ryleysmama - if SD's overall behavior in your home is unusual enough that other people comment on it, she may be showing signs of Autism. Does your FDH have the legal right to request a medical evaluation?
I can understand your frustration, the disruption in your home is impacting you and your BS, and it's unfair. I just think a 16 month old showing that much anxiety indicates some sort of red flag pointing toward a more serious issue, and if it isn't purely behavioral then the solution may not be dictated by parenting styles, but medical advice.
If BM is as unstable as she sounds, chances are that CPS will end up getting involved and DFH gaining custodial status is a foregone conclusion. Given the age of your SD, this is a lifetime commitment on your part with a good chance that you will run into all the problems we share on this site - before you get involved in parenting classes, you might consider couples counseling for you and DFH. The stronger your relationship is, the more unified your parenting will be. One BIG advantage you have over many of us here is the fact that DFH doesn't have any ingrained habits yet - you're both new to parenting, so he doesn't really have any preconceived parenting ideas based on co-parenting with BM.
Lastly, your natural instinct right now is to protect your baby - but don't give up on SD quite yet, she's still a baby too. As frustrating as her behavior is, she's not deliberately acting out to hurt or undermine you. The fact that you're even here shows that you're capable and willing to care for this child, you just need better support and cooperation from FDH.
I wish you all the best, and hope you find peace in your home soon!