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Update

Sadielady's picture

I haven't been on here in quite a while because, thankfully, I've been free from step parent drama for 6 months and counting. I leaned on this community a lot through my dark times, so thought I owed everyone an update. DH currently has no contact with anyone in his family other than his mother, and he's very low contact with her (dinner out for her birthday and Mother's day). SD sold her house and moved to another city over a 4 hour drive from us. She didn't bother to tell DH she was moving, and no one else in the family thought to tell him either. He can now see how toxic his family is and knows that they're punishing him for not tossing me aside when his kids turned on me. It's upsetting for him, but our lives are much more peaceful. My ex-husband passed away in February, and none of my inlaws reached out to me or my kids. SS texted DS, but not DD, which was just worse than not reaching out at all. SD didn't reach out at all - she lived with us for a number of years and was (we thought) a "big sister". DH was very upset about it and told both of my kids that he doesn't see how either of them could ever forgive his kids. One outlaw cousin reached out to me, and when her husband (DH's cousin) found out, he said she was "playing with fire". Toxic. Despite it all, I've encouraged DH to attempt to repair things with his kids (with boundaries) and he doesn't want to (at least for now). He says he devoted most of his life to them (he definitely did) and they repaid him by putting him in a terrible position and expecting him to give up a happy marriage to appease them. I do hope there's a peaceful resolution in the future but, for now, (other than my kids' grief over the loss of their dad) our lives are beautifully stress free and we feel like we've made it through the storm. Thank you to eveyone here for their insights and support. 

Comments

Rags's picture

I am glad that they have purged themselves and put you and DH out of their misery.  You and DH can now live a drama free life of adventure building your love for the ages.

Give rose

Rumplestiltskin's picture

It sucks that things can't be different, but after the hell they put you through, i'm glad the trash took itself out. Enjoy your peace! 

CajunMom's picture

Glad to hear from you!! And glad for the good report. It's unfortunate but toxic people MUST be removed completely or with heavy boundaries. Your DH sees....that's amazing. My motto these days....peace above all. Life brings enough troubles of it's own...I'm not letting things in that I can control. You've done exactly that. Enjoy your life, as you SHOULD!! Big hugs.

la_dulce_vida's picture

I am so happy that your life is much more peaceful now. I hope they stay away and I hope you both update your wills to reflect the disconnect and disrespect.

Sadielady's picture

Thank you! We did update our wills! And DH made my DD his alternate decision maker in the event he can't make his own health decisions and I'm also not capable or predeceased. It's terrible to have to think that way, but it occured to us that his kids have very little emotional maturity on a good day. 

Harry's picture

With out toxic people screwing with you.   Part of the divorce process, is you lose old people and kids and you gained new friends 

Little Type Amy's picture

As much as we had tried to put our best foot forward trying to navigate some kind of repoire with our SKIDS, sometimes things still just dont work out despire our intentions which you have to remember happened for a Reason. This might sound kind of odd, but for me there is some strange sense of relief that has come over me after one of the various periods when SD29 would write me off and not want shit to do with me. I got to the point where I wish she holds herself to it for real and for good THIS time around!  Once I get past feeling any kind of guilt over her rejection of me and vice versa, then comes this feeling of having my freedom back by her doing so and if that means Me being the villian in the story , then so be it! .

Sadielady's picture

I know what you mean. I was truly devastated when my SKs first turned on me. But as times gone on, I've definitely felt some relief. I had to acknowledge that our golden blended family was only golden as long as I was giving and they were taking. There had been niggling signs over the years that I tamped down, but I couldn't deny it when they went into "divide and conquer" mode the minute things didn't go their way. Now, I truly don't miss them. I feel sad for my DH but he says he doesn't miss them either. (I know that he does, and he's protecting his heart. But if you have to protect your heart from your own children, that's a problem).