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Apartment vent

Sam2's picture

So SS now 18 today, happy birthday to him is moving into his apartment this weekend more than likely.  His mommy got him the apartment and will be paying the rent for the first couple of months.  SS has no job and hasn't finished high school yet.  He's at home playing video games and sleeping and probably binge watching Netflix with his sister and mom when mom isn't sleeping or working.  He is in my opinion classic bipolar and it has been suggested.  He has mild autism, anxiety and depression.  In the three and half years he has lived with his dad and me he takes his medication for a bit, stops, crashes and sleeps all day rarely showering or even changing clothes.  We had to throw away some sheets because he never washed them.  When I suggested that this wasn't normal behavior , DH said sure it is, everyone I've talked to experiences the same thing.  Um ok.  Well BM comes to town due to the pandemic and hasn't seen son for about a year.  He had lost 30 pounds and really looked back.  But remember , I was the crazy one and there was nothing wrong.   He is taken to the Dr. actually by DH for a routine physical and was diagnosed with a thyroid problem.  Hello, I wasn't crazy and it wasn't normal.  Needless to say BM came to town to help get him back on track.  She and I are probably united in the fact that this wasn't normal and that there was indeed a problem.  Probably for a lot longer than DH thought. Anyho, hanging with friends it is decided they should get an apartment together, what a great idea BM and DH think, he's ready for this.   So a apartment is rented .  He just hasn't finished high school , have a job and has just turned 18.  Roommate is more than likely in the same boat if it is one of the friends he has been hanging out with. 

About a week ago DH had reported that SS had lost the apartment because of his medical marajuana. Then this morning he announces that SS will be moving into his new apartment.   Now he just can't smoke in the apartment.     

So does this sound like a good idea yet.   Oh yes, mommy will be going back to California and SD will be moving back in with DH and me, but that's another story.  She is 22 and also has no job, no driver's license (partly due to the pandemic) and mostly stays in pajamas and binge watches Netflix or sleeps.

Now that brings me to my vent, DD is 23 and is looking for an apartment with a friend.  They have put in several applications, background checks etc in order to get a apartment, a house ,a mobile home something.   The roommate has a full time job and my daughter has a part time job along with the ability to pay her portion of the rent.  (She has been saving for years) They have been unsucessful and BM goes out and gets this apartment in a week for her darling lilttle boy.

Some background.  Around Thanksgiving SS ran away into the night after not forgetting to take his medication.  We are still receiving the bills from the ER visit, the stay in the pysch ward , ER visit from the psych ward etc.  He also when he lived with his dad and me slept all day and rarely if ever ate.  He pays nothing, mommy is paying for the gas, car insurance, medical appointments, clothes, food etc.   I don't know about the roommate and DH doesn't seem to know much more.   The apartment is located in a bit of questionable part of town, police sirens, calls about people in back alleys etc.   Perfect for two boys who smoke weed legally now, except in the apartment.

Ugh, this is so frustrating.   I"m deciding if I want out.  

Comments

GrudgingSM's picture

Hi Sam2, I know I've read your posts in the past and forgive me for not looking back to see, but do you and your husband have separated finances? I don't know why you should have to pay the bills from SS's ER visits! your money should be for you and for helping your own kid get a place if you want to/can afford to help.

Also, I'm sorry DH isn't listening when you point out issues. WHY IGNORE HEALTH CONCERNS??? I guess this year I can understand being wary fo doctors offices with Covid, but it's so frustrating to read how often men outsource their care roles to SM's and then don't even listen to concerns. I'm sorry and completely empathize with the desire to get out. I basically always have an exit plan and couldn't live without one. I feel more secure holding my boundaries because I know I can leave if I'm not respected.

Sam2's picture

BM is paying for the doctor and hospital stays.   Its the point that this child pays for nothing.  He eats out, goes and gets fancy teas and coffees daily as well as frequent eating out all on mom's dime.  DD will go out to lunch and pay for itself.  She also covers her own office visits to the doctor, even making the appointment herself.   All I can think of is enable much?   If you are old enough to live on your own, not finish school and not work you probably should'nt live on your own.    If he follows his sister's footsteps, she lived alone in a foreign country for two years and hardly cooked at home, ate out all the time and admitted she hardly ate.   She also dropped out of college which in of itself is not the problem, however, she is sleeping, watching television and quit her job and rarely gets dressed in clothes other than pajamas which she tends to wear for two to three days in a row.  

JRI's picture

How about, when everything about this second apartment blows up, SS follows Mommy back to California?

Sam2's picture

I should hope he does follow her back to California when this blows up . *yahoo*

tog redux's picture

Your DH is enabling his kids' Failure to Launch, with BM's help. She bankrolls it and DH gives them a place to run back to. Unless you want to live with these two forever, I'd consider if you want to stay. 

thinkthrice's picture

Need to be put on a work farm for a year surrounded by armed guards.  I blame the parents.