Just found out BF has ANOTHER son... Uh.
And this is because SS9 mentioned him, not because BF felt the need to inform me.
I guess he has a 16yr old son that he has only seen once since the kid was 2. He has never mentioned this kid to me at all throughout our relationship. Wow. I have no idea what to think.
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I'd be pretty angry. Even if
I'd be pretty angry. Even if he doesn't see him and he didn't think it was relevant information to share, that is NOT something to keep from you. Especially if you knew about the younger one.
Oh I'm not impressed at all.
Oh I'm not impressed at all. From the day I met him he has always said "I have three kids, I have three kids" and now it turns out NOPE there's 4... I mean I guess he would have knocked up this kid's mom when he was 15 but still. If the kids know about this child uh maybe I should too?!?! The conversation was so awkward...
SS9: Hey Dad, how's IllegitamentChild doing?
BF: ...
Me: Who is IllegitamentChild?
SS9: Uh, my brother... Duh.
BF: You know who IllegitamentChild is. *said as he's walking out the door to go smoke*
Wow. Then when the kids went upstairs and BF came in from his smoke he's like "I'm sure we've talked about IllegitamentChild, you must just have forgotten." Uh NOPE we never have and I wouldn't have forgotten something like that.
I kind of want to, but after
I kind of want to, but after he told me I just kind of got quiet and then left for work. I haven't said much to him since that conversation this morning and I don't want to right now. I definitely feel lied to and like someone else said if he neglected to tell me that what else don't I know? But now I'm curious like, who's the BM, what's up with her, what is this kid like, what does he look like, does he plan on life continuing as it is being uninvolved? ... I don't even know.
I don't know how I can trust
I don't know how I can trust him, that is a HUGE thing to keep a secret. I mean unless he seriously is convinced we spoke about it but I don't know, he has never ever mentioned this kid to me once nor has anyone else.
Oh wow!!! I'd be livid!!! I'm
Oh wow!!! I'd be livid!!!
I'm so sorry you are going thru this!! What a jerk. Like you'd forget being told about said child!!!
I am sure you would remember
I am sure you would remember being told about a human being, dependent upon your DH??!!
nice try DH, but not buying it!!
He needs to admit that he lied about this to you, and tell you why. IMO. HUGS
Before we got married, my dh
Before we got married, my dh and I took pre-marital counseling with our pastor. Every session he asked us, are there any secrets or surprises that might effect the way the other one feels that we need to address. My dh and myself were very open and honest early in our relationship, so we didn't ave any secrets, but this is a gear question for anyone considering marriage, and we had a safe place to discuss anything with an objective 3rd party present. It was awesome. The classes were awesome, best thing we ever dd for our relationship! I can't imagine keeping that big of a secret from someone I loved. I would be able to handle it.
It also ticks me off that he
It also ticks me off that he is apparently the type of deadbeat dad who can just slough off his child and be totally okay with it. He doesn't see the kid, he doesn't pay child support, the kid never even knew him until he was 16 (I made a mistake in my last post, the kid is 18 now) but BF assured me the kid "Understands the situation and doesn't hate him" ... Oh, okay. This whole thing has made me reconsider SO many things about my relationship... I'm actually so sad he felt like he had to hide that from me... Maybe he just pretends the kid doesn't exist... Ugh.
DH and I discussed a child
DH and I discussed a child coming out of the woodwork who would be over 13 yrs older than his son. If it happens, it happens. But I know it is a possibility.
Now how does SS9 know about this 16 yr old? Does he see this teen? And how did SS9s mother get to know about the teen?
This would be a deal breaker for me. Even if he said "I got my gf pregnant when I was 15 and she kept our son. He is 16 now and I have only seen him once. She has remarried and lives in xx and he knows I exist but his SF is his Dad now. She never asked for CS and I promised never to ask for parenting time. I don't need to be part of his life but he may contact me one day." I would be OK with that.
I was wrong in my initial
I was wrong in my initial post, the kid is actually 18 but he was just 16 the last time BF saw him and I guess that's when SS9 met him because he came to visit. And SS9's mother knew of her because they all lived in the same city and BF was dating SS9's mom when he was still seein the kid (from birth til age 2). Then they moved to the city we all live in now (2 hours away) and they just cut contact I guess.
So I don't know, I guess he's just not involved and totally okay with not being part of this kid's life, from what I can gather he just acts like the kid doesn't exist... He never, ever admits to having a fourth child. And that is just terrible to me. I see him interact with his other kids and I'm just like... Appalled knowing that he can put this much into these kids but has totally acted nothing but a sperm donor to his other kid. It definitely puts a new perspective on things for me.