SO and I have really been working things out in therapy. I think that the antidepressant I'm on now are finally the right ones and dosage for me. My therapist also convinced me to ask my doctor for something for anxiety, which I've always been scared to do, but I've had these pills now for almost a month, and have only taken two of them. My drinking is no longer out of control; I've had a few beers while cooking out with friends, but not to the point of getting drunk. And yes, one margarita last night for Cinco De Mayo.

I'm fairly disengaged from SO's entire family, for my sanity and he understands this. I did have contact with SD21 yesterday because there was a fatal accident at SO's job and I wanted to let her know (and for her to let her sisters know) that their father was safe.

My ex-husband is dating the sweetest little lady, and I'm so happy for him, her and my kids. She seems head-over-heels with him. I actually took pictures of the two of them with our kids for my middle son's military ball last weekend. No drama there. She actually added me on FB so I could tag her in the pictures.

However, my BD11 has recently, just when I thought life was improving, revealed to me that she has been "cutting". And please, when I describe my feelings about this, just try not to judge me. I'm grasping at straws here. I've always been very close to my children, and our communication is amazing. I had noticed in previous weeks that she was getting more and more withdrawn. She had also asked me if she could meet with my therapist because she "thought [she] had the same thing [I] have"....depression. She said she "feels sad for no reason." I made an appointment for her with my therapist, and between the time of our conversation and the time of the appointment, she first went to her brother, then my mother, who made her come talk to me and showed me some scratches on her leg. She didn't seem very emotional about it, just matter-of-fact and said that she thought she needed to let her other brother and SO know about it.

I realize that any type of self-harm needs attention, but I really feel like that is what it's about. She needs more attention. The therapist felt like she didn't need to see her again after that initial visit, unless my daughter or I thought we needed to.

Her father and I, and her brothers have been trying to spend more time with her, and pull her out of her introverted ways, and she seems like a happy kid. She's never a moody, hormonal tween....just quiet and kind and loving. But then, on Thursday, one of her friends saw some cuts on her leg and made her come talk to me. They weren't deep, but they weren't just "scratches," either. It was like she had dug into her legs, and they were angry, swollen marks. She cried and begged me to help her, but doesn't want to go back to the therapist because she says it doesn't help and she doesn't want to talk to a stranger about it.

Then, after a weekend of movie days on the couch with me ignoring housework and everything else, and a date day with her dad, yesterday, she told me she thinks she is bisexual.

I'm floored. She is ELEVEN YEARS OLD. Even if she is just seeking attention, I know all of this is serious, but I just don't know what to say or do right now.

I questioned her, asking if she felt like she had a crush on a girl, and she said no, but that it seems like all [heterosexual] adults end up divorcing or just fighting all the time.

I don't know if I'm asking for advice here, or just ranting to get it out, but yeah, one step forward, two steps back. Maybe just some virtual hugs would help. :?