It's been such a rollercoaster with them. I met them 2 years ago. They are in another state and never leave their small town. So visits depend on DH and SS going to them. I met the inlaws as the serious girlfriend who also has BS10. I was the first girlfriend to meet the family since BM (8 years ago). They separated shortly after SS was born and have been coparenting since. Inlaws only met BM during her pregnancy and she also visited them when SS ( now 8 ) was was less than a year old. The inlaws, through the separation drama between BM and DH, did not like BM and often referred to her as "that bitch" or "that whore". This was often heard by me when DH and MIL would talk on the phone when we started dating. 

Fast forward, our relationship gets serious and we talk about blending households and meeting his family. I took PTO to go out there and was treated like absolute crap. For one, his small town family CONSTANTLY gossiped about people and made many rude comments about people's appearances. They also talked poorly about BM and criticized her parenting, her looks, and her hygiene from their experience with her when she was POSTPARTUM. (apparently she skipped a day to shower and had hairy armpits. My thoughts were....she just had a baby?) So I felt judged instantly even though they didn't say anything directly about me around me. However, no one talked to me or asked questions about me and often expressed frustration in the existence of my BS. They didn't want him around, ignored his playful advances, and often rolled their eyes at him. At that point, I was on guard and quiet most of the time, often just observing the way they interacted and made sure my BS felt comfortable and unaware of the situation. Then we went to visit extended family and while DH and I sat outside on the porch watching the kids play outside, we overheard his entire family....grandparents, mother, two sisters and his sister's boyfriend(now fiance) talking horribly about me and how much they prefer BM over me. They called my BS "that thing with her" instead of his actual name. They said they hope he never knocks me up and are certain we would not last. Dh was pissed and when we got back to FIL&MILs house, he confronted one of his sisters (SIL2) who made most of the rude comments about me and provoked the conversation. I was standing by him and she went off screaming that she "doesnt like that bitch" (me, standing right there) and said she likes BM more and doesn't know why he's with me. Then MIL and SIL1 walked in and SIL2 lied and said that I called her a bitch. So now FIL, MIL, SIL1 and her fiance are upset with me for calling SIL a bitch in her own home. Though, I did not and DH was sticking up for me the entire time. It was such an awful night to experience and I demanded to DH that we leave the next day to go back home. We did. 

Then it was a constant battle of DH trying to talk to his family about apologizing to me and reiterating that he loves me and WILL make me his wife whether they like it or not. His grandmother who owns like 1000+ acres in their small town (which is to be divided amongst the grandchildren) threatened to take DH off the will if he marries me. SIL2 also told DH that he better not ever get me pregnant. 

Fast forward 6 months later, MIL and SIL2 invited BM and SS to their house to visit for a week. BM (did not know about the drama) but let DH know about her vacation plans there. DH did not express anger or tell her not to go but called MIL to bitch at her for allowing this and planning this. He also called them out for all the shit talking they have done about BM and how they are being cruel to him and me for inviting her out there. MIL and SIL did not care and the trip still happened. BM went and stayed a week in DH's old childhood room. DH went no contact with them again. He only talked to FIL who stays out of the women drama and doesn't say much. 

2 months after that, DH and I got married and did not inform his family or invite them (not like they'd even go). lol 

1 year later, we just bought a house and I experienced a rare ectopic pregnancy that almost killed me but I loss one of my fallopian tubes and our baby. I can't even try to conceive until 18 months later due to the severity and I'm fearful we won't be able to have kids, or more so fearful of that happening again. it's been a struggle thinking about that and then remembering what his family said about getting me pregnant.

Since then it has been me offering olive branches to his family and getting scraps. SIL1 apologized but SIL2 who was the main source of the problems and drama (I left out other details too about her being in the business of our finances) does not like me still and does not talk to DH much anymore. I try to include MIL in things and send pictures of SS. She sent a christmas gift to both boys (just a bag of candy, nothing crazy). SIL2 had a baby and I sent her gifts for the baby from us. We are supposed to visit them next month but I canceled going due to finances and will be keeping BS with me. However, DH and SS will be going/carpooling with BIL who lives in the same state as us and is also close to us. Like he is here weekly for family dinner, etc...we are close and there are no issues with BIL. Since DH is going out there soon... I had purchased thoughtful Christmas gifts for his family. (MIL, FIL, SIL1(+her fiance) and the baby). DH wants his family here and his family there to get along so we can visit them more. My family is extremely kind, genuinely kind people who love DH and welcome him in the family. So my heart hurts for him that his family has been acting this way and he genuinely was shocked at first because prior to our original visit, he would rave about how much he knows my family would LOVE me. 

Additionally since then...BM and I have gotten close. I homeschool BS and she agreed to me homeschooling SS, so SS is home with us often (we have 50/50 custody). because of the frequent communication and having to work around her work schedules, or personal plans, or sports for SS, drs appointments etc...we have been hitting it off and have genuinely become pretty good friends. We don't discuss personal matters in our life but we do talk and joke outside of just coparenting. DH does not talk to her at all especially now that mine and her communications has grown and expanded. Well, recently we did talk about the inlaws and she shared with me the side she received from them and I shared my side. She was appalled when she heard my side, and now that we have gotten closer, she is confused as to why they don't like me because I am someone who WOULD fit in with their "lifestyle" (not the being a mean bully part). She also shared with me all the things they said to her ABOUT me while she was there. They didn't just speak about their side of the story...they unprovokingly talked about me as a person. They did not like the things I wore. Made fun of my clothings and shoes. They also talked about my weight and my appearances. Stating they don't see why DH is with someone that "LOOKS" like me. They also talked crap about my son, stating that he was annoying and a brat and a bad kid (he's not, and i'm not just saying that. My son is super respectful. Not to mention, my child was the age SS is now back then. I would never allow anyone to talk about my son NOR my SS like that. SIL1 (who was the only one that apologized) and her fiance said that they would NEVER like me. The things BM stated they told her were very specific....as in she wouldn't have known the little details or my wardrobe there. And she did not volunteer this information, I asked her because I wanted to know. BM said she felt bad because she recently started dating someone and her biggest fear is her boyfriend's family not accepting SS or treating him fairly. This is not an issue with my family. They love SS and attend his birthday parties, watch his baseball games and treat him as if I brought him into this world myself. He is an extension of my husband who I CHOSE to bring into this (my) family so they treat him like family. 

NOW - the stuff they told BM *wasssssss* before the olive branches and the talks about visiting them out there. But it opened up some unhealed wounds and really has me so conflicted. While no, me and SS are not visiting them with DH next month, we did discuss planning a visit in the summer. But now I just feel like these people are so vile and horrible that I want nothing to do with them...EVER. I want to return the gifts. I want to block them on everything. I told DH that I don't know if I can ever get over this or feel comfortable traveling out there again. I also told him that this means if we do ever have children...that includes them. I told him I don't care if he visits them and takes SS or even if they come here to MY house visit (but they literally NEVER leave their hometown). I don't know if I'm overreacting or if we've made progress and now i'm retreating back over new developments of things they've said. I also in my heart feel that they still think this way about me. We don't talk unless I reach out first or provoke a conversation. When I had my ectopic, MIL only asked once how I was feeling (the day after). I wished them all happy birthdays but when it was my birthday last month, not ONE of them wished me a happy birthday.