I hate that DH behavior changes when his kid is around.
I'm finding I'm to the point where I can't stand to be around DH at all. Especially on the (very) rare weekends when his kid is at our home.
He is normally a good person but when she's around, it's as though he wants to show off. He does and says things he normally wouldn't say. We were out at dinner and DH was relaying a story. In the middle of it he cussed when it wasn't really necessary. There was a table behind us with a young child (who was whiny and apparently it was past his bedtime). DH's voice is loud and carries. I asked him to please keep it clean when we're in public.
His reaction?
I'm in a public place to and it's MY RIGHT to say what I want.
Who backed him up with his comment?
His 17 year old daughter.
Who nearly took her butter-knife and jammed it in DH's ear?
Me...Shaman29.
I very quietly told DH's kid while I appreciate her need to defend her father, I was neither addressing her nor including her in my comments to her father. Her opinion in this matter was irrelevant and unnecessary. Then I looked at DH and said, I am asking you to be polite and respectful of the others around us in a public place. When you say things like "it's your right", you are telling and showing your kid it's okay to be impolite and disrespectful to the strangers around you."
His reaction?
Well their kid is making a lot of noise and it's disrespectful to us!
My reaction?
I slowly loosened my grasp on the butter-knife and said to DH "I'm going to ignore your response and ask you to remember you're an adult and you are an example for your kid."
I know, I know. I shouldn't have said anything at that time and place. It's just so frustrating to me to see him behave like a petulant child whenever she's around. Showing off to his kid, by behaving like one.
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SD16 lives with us and DH
SD16 lives with us and DH does shit like this. He works 7 days a week so its rare that we are all together at the same time. Once in awhile SD will be in the kitchen with all of us and he acts like a child. He will throw something at her(like food). Then she thinks its ok to do the stupid things he does and will throw food at DD!
Or if he has something serious to discuss with her he makes a joke out of it and laughs.
It aggravates me like you wouldn't believe. I have to walk out of the room.
My only advice is not to go out to dinner with them together. I don't anymore!
The weird thing, when he has
The weird thing, when he has something serious to discuss with her, he gets all fatherly with her. I feel confuses the situation for her, since one minute they're buddies and the next, he's her dad.
I wish I could avoid meals when she is around. If I'm not otherwise occupied on Friday nights (read: having a cocktail and dinner with friends), then I go with him to pick her up at the bus station 45 minutes from home.
I do my best to spend the meal being really into my food. Concentrate on chewing it 100 times and can I get another drink please??
Most of the conversation is "catch up" on her life, which I can tune out fairly well.
Sunday's are easier, since they actually live 1.5 hours away, I usually have a lot to do on Sundays and I don't accompany him on the return trips.
Trust me, I would love the
Trust me, I would love the company. It'd be nice to have someone who understands sitting there with me.
It was touch and go with the
It was touch and go with the butter-knife for a while.
What really ticked me off, he had a friend of his pull the same move in restaurant once. Except the friend was drunk. The friend was telling stories peppered with profanity. It was so embarrassing. The very first thing DH complained about was his friends behavior, and how he should be more polite when in public.
UGH!!! My DH does this too!!
UGH!!! My DH does this too!! He just acts like a 15 year old boy when SS is visiting. It is a real turn off. At least NOW, it is only once or twice a year.
It's a complete turn off for
It's a complete turn off for me as well. I'm having a very difficult time being around him when his kid is around.
He is usually very good about
He is usually very good about what he says when he knows there are either kids or elderly people around him.
I'm not a shrinking violet either. I can cuss a blue streak when motivated. But I'm all about knowing your audience.
What bothered me the most was the fact I can't help but feel he was showing off to the mini-wife.
I hate when they show off. DH
I hate when they show off. DH likes to tell SD all the bad things he did while in high school. I finally pulled him aside and told him he is giving her ideas and making it ok if she does the same stupid things you did!!
Ugh!! Stupid men!
My FDH talks to FSD14 like
My FDH talks to FSD14 like she is six on the phone. I swear it drives me crazy. I told him before he needed to not call while in bed with me anymore becuase it was a BIG turnoff!!
My FDH talks to FSD14 like
My FDH talks to FSD14 like she is six on the phone. I swear it drives me crazy. I told him before he needed to not call while in bed with me anymore becuase it was a BIG turnoff!!
My BIL baby talked my nieces
My BIL baby talked my nieces and nephews, still does. It drove me nuts for two reasons. The first being, kids learn how to speak by listening to the people around them. They're listening to tone and content and will imitate the things are said.
My cousin's kid was baby talked. Unfortunately, my uncle (while baby talking) pronounced Grampy as Crappy. So this cute little girl would go around yelling Crappy! Crappy! Okay, I'll admit that's kind of funny but, they allowed her to continue calling him Crappy. I won't get into what it was like being in public with this kid and her grandfather.
The second reason it drives me nuts is that if you baby talk your kids, they will never take you seriously. My sister's kids are fairly well behaved, but like most kids, get into trouble from time to time. He used to discipline them using baby talk. Aaaarrrrrrgggghhhh. Thank goodness for my sister who stood behind my BIL and gave those kids the stink eye during the lectures. Otherwise they'd probably be hellacious brats.
Oh Echo. He is smart,
Oh Echo. He is smart, dependable and works hard. But when it comes to his kid and Uberskank, suddenly he possesses the brains of a gerbil and the maturity of a 12 year old boy.
If I'm going to be honest, I've been having a lot of doubts lately about staying with him. We had a blow up a month ago and I asked him to attend regular counseling for each of us (he has some latent anger issues towards his ex) and marriage counseling. He said he didn't need it.
More and more I find myself wanting to be single again. I have no bios and never planned on any with DH. We're in our 40's and this is a second marriage for both of us. I do love him, but the drama he has brought into my life has nearly crippled me with health issues.
I keep wondering if this is really worth it any more. I find myself thinking about when I was single and on my own. How much less stress there was for me and how much healthier I was back then. I miss the quiet. I miss my own space and I miss being able to make decisions and plans without having to consult a fricking visitation schedule.
I see it in my SO too, he
I see it in my SO too, he laughs and tries to act all cool when his skids are around. He is feeling very guilty right now about a trip we just took. He has nothing to feel guilty about, it was a friggin trip to Michigan, for GD sakes. He has a client there that he visited for 1 hour 1 day of the 5 day trip. But when he was talking to his daughter about the trip it was all about his client, as though we aren't supposed to go somewhere without them? I did insert some of the fun things we did, and he gave me a dirty look, I didn't care, I'm open with my kid about what I'm doing. Now he is saying he should take the girls on a skip trip over XMAS, all of us. He says, If I can afford to take myself (what he really meant is afford to take US) on a trip I should spend the money to take them. They are 18 and 23, and he spends approximately $1,200 a month on both of them for school, and spending money, and that'a a minimum of $1,200, there are always extras. He has nothing to feel guilty about at all...but you can't tell him that.