My stepson is fat. By fat I mean, very overweight by British health standards.

Do you think it’s worth while discussing the situation directly with SS10 or would this just be harmful if changes aren’t made at his Mum’s house too?

Should my partner bite the bullet and addressed the elephant in the room with BM? (Side note BM and her partner are both obese, my partner bares a resemblance to an actual rake, and I am slightly overweight myself.)

Fair warning, I’m not sure that I’m really looking for advice but if anyone is in a similar situation I’d love some solidarity. In reality while I care for my SS, there’s only so much I can do when he spends the majority of the term time in a home that doesn’t encourage healthy habits right? 

Background: SS has been very overweight  since I’ve known him (4 years, he is now 10). My partner does not have a coparenting relationship with BM, she attempts to swing her weight around semi regularly my OH tries his best to ignore her unless completely necessary. (Yes we have tried the adult communication route, but BM is a dictator not a team player and as such it’s a delicate tactical picking of battles relationship.)

SS is severely overweight, we have introduced healthy eating and over the years have managed to find physical activities that he’ll voluntarily take part it. 

During the summers we have SS half the time and he loses weight. 

I’ve become recently more concerned because he has started putting on weight more rapidly and apparently has a ‘snack draw’ at his Mum’s that he can help himself to at his own discretion.

Bearing in mind that talking to BM is unlikely to have a constructive result, discussions before have been ‘he’s starving when he comes back to mine’ (we feed him three meals a day plus healthy snack if he wants it & the occasional dessert) & ‘could you reduce the activity’ (when BM found out that SS then 9 had spent 40 minutes cycling and 40 minutes bouldering throughout a whole day.