I have been thinking for awhile that BM favors one kid over the other, but I thought - 'No way' would a mother do that. I would like to know if I am alone with this issue and if other Steps are having this issue what you do to help. I know I can't change her or what she does but I feel bad for the kid not getting all the attention. But I want to be fair.

First a few reasons why i think she favors SS3 over SS5.

1.) I was taking another look this morning at that 'mother's day gift' from BM (to me). I have not tossed it yet but there was something about it that didn't 'look' right to me, besides the 2 pictures that had MB in them So I started counting. There were 10 images in the montage. 3 images had just SS5 in them, 2 images had both boys in them, 5 images had just SS3 in them. That is half! You would think for a printed image BM would have made sure that it was even. Plus the two images that she was in were with SS3 not SS5 - so I cut them out just to make it even.

2.) i was going through pictures on my computer on day to get some printed. SS5 came up just as I was sorting. Of course when you take pictures you don't think oh I got 5 of this one now I need to go get 5 of the other one, So I was in a section where I had taken several of SS3. SS5 asked my why i had more photos of ss3 than I had of him. I was like what are you talking about? So I looked and I found a section where I had taken a ton of SS5 and showed him. He was so happy then to see them. When I print them though I always try to keep it even, especially now that I know, that he is counting them.

3.) around xmas time BM told us that Santa was going to be at this place and she wanted the boys to go. it was BF's weekend to have them so she said that he would swing by and bring the boys so they could see santa. Well it turned out to be BM's fienaces FAMILY xmas party - awkward! We debated on leaving and coming back for the kids later but I am glad we stayed. First BM scooped up SS3 and carried him every where while SS5 ran around unsupervised.

The kicker was when Santa got there BM took both boys and sat on the floor (still holding ss3) when they called SS3's name she got up and took him to see Santa (which he didn't like) then headed to the back of the room to help ss3 open his present, leaving ss5 all by himself and if she had looked at him she would have seen that he was upset. So I shoved BF and told him to go sit by ss5. When they called ss5's name I don't even think BM looked up. He got his gift and went over to where BM was to open it. BM was still holding ss3 on her lap showing him his toy. She didn't even help ss5 open his. He had to engage her to get her interested in him.

4) there are more but they are small things. The last is not an icedent more like a no going issue. SS5 is always fishing for attention. He tells me that he loves me (more than normal and at random times) just so I will say it back to him or engage him. And he tells me that I look nice - just whenever he can to get a response out of me. Which is probabaly what he has to do to get attention from him BM. If I am trying to deal with ss3 (if he is throwing a fit or we r trying to potty train) he will come in and start talking to me, I feel bad for turning him away. But some times I can only handle them one at a time.

Solutions? I try to spend time with SS5 one on one. We like to play video games and SS3 is too little (but getting older). So we play or I let him watch me play the harder Games (not violent ones though). I know that SS3 is special needs but to me it's all the more reason to give him space - room to grow and figure stuff out on his own. BM and I are night and day and SS3 is finally starting to realize that, i think. So he is becoming less demanding of my and my time. When he throws a fit I don't just come running and baby him, especially if he is faking. BM does EVERYTHING for SS3 so then ss5 thinks he needs to be catered to as well. But I make ss3 at least try things on his own first before I help same with ss5.

I just don't know what to do - will the grow to realize that I love them both the same?