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O/T Wedding invatations and family drama

SisterNeko's picture

Submitted by SisterNeko on Wed, 08/08/2012 - 9:19am

We sent out our Wedding invitations last week and are awaiting the fall out for not inviting FDH's Aunt and her drama party. Mind you this was not my choice but FDH's, though I am sure I will be blamed.

Here is the back story.

FDH has 3 Aunts and 1 Uncle on his Dad's side. His Gma on that side is basically a bully (she only got an invite because she is gma). Gma does not like FIL (her oldest son) and his family, which includes FDH. Gma loves and supports the youngest Aunt (her baby) and her family. We call them the ejits. Shortly after I met FDH, Gma and Gpa (who passed away recently) had their house burn down and no one wanted to take them in accept FIL, needless to say it was hell while the house was being re-built. It was around this time that they started to have issues with one of Aunt's sons, we call him the Gleeper. FIL didn't want the Gleeper in his house but Gma kept letting him in and come to find out he was stealing MIL's UNDERWEAR! It had been noted before that the Gleepr stared at MIL a lot. After Gma and Gpa moved out he started breaking in (or trying to). At the time he was a minor so they just got him counseling, which didn't go well because they kept saying that MIL was 'picking' in him.

Any way FDH has seen the Gleeper staring at me a few time and when we first started dating he told me to hide my underwear while camping with them at the family cabin. This kid has always been an issue and after what he has done to MIL, FDH and his brothers don't have much to do with them.

Any way in January one of FDH's cousins got married. Gma brought this Aunt and her fam to the wedding. Gma told everyone at the reception that NO ONE said hi to her at the church but I was there and I know FDH said hi to her, well she told some one this when FDH was standing there and he called her out on it in the hall and he yelled at her that he did. At the wedding the Gleeper was staring at me and we tried to avoid him. They stayed for food but then left (it was at a casino) and didn't come back again until they were handing out free-play cards.

In May the Gleeper graduated HS (yeah he is 18 now), we got an invite to the party. Gma told FIL that it was a curtsy but we weren't expected to come. Well we didn't go but one of the brothers did so Gma told everyone that FDH and BIL (other brother) were not getting any more gifts from her since we didn't go (not really a big lose it's usually dollar store junk).

We told MIL that we were not planning to invite the ejits to the wedding but if any one asks her (yells at her) to have them call FDH, we don't want them there and they are just dumb enough to show up if we sent them a 'curtsy' invite. Just the other day MIL was talking to one of the nice Aunts, they want to throw a shower for us. The nice Aunt was trying to hard to plan the shower on a weekend the the Bad aunt had to work so she wouldn't come and MIl finally said that she didn't think we were inviting her to the wedding (which is you are invited to teh wedding you should be to the shower). The other Aunt got quiet. Seriously why invite someone to something if you don't want them there?

We are also keeping an eye out for Gma's RSVP. The last wedding she went to she took the Gleeper as her 'date'. If her RSVP comes back as more than one, FDH is going to call her. The Gleeper make everyone, especially MIL uncomfortable.

It's also worth noting that Gma doesn't talk to me any more, she never really liked me (she doesn't like my parents because they are friends with FIL and MIL). It bothered me that she smothers SS5 and ingores SS7. Because SS5 is 'special needs' like the Gleeper (she even told FIL that SS5 would end up like the Gleeper) SO that last time I talked to her I told her that SS5 was doing great in school and they think he will out grow most of it, we just need to push him - she hasn't talked to me OR SS5 since then. Smile I am sorry SS5 isn't THAT bad.

Comments

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Wed, 08/08/2012 - 12:44pm

I had a beautiful wedding, but I think we would have been just as happy if we had eloped.

dontcallmestepmom's picture

Submitted by dontcallmestepmom on Wed, 08/08/2012 - 12:43pm

Eloping was also something we considered. We were married less than 3 weeks ago, and it went perfectly, but I had a lot of "opinions" on who I invited. DH and I had a very limited budget and we wanted a small wedding. We only had 25 people there, but I was called out for not inviting kids and certain other relatives. We could NOT afford all the extra guests, nor did we want a huge wedding. I had people who did not come because of who I did not invite.

My best advice-stick to your guns and do not engage in any conversations other than to say "this is what we decided. Thank you." Let your FDH handle his side of the family, and you do the same.

Delilah's picture

Submitted by Delilah on Wed, 08/08/2012 - 2:12pm

I think the best thing you can do is make provisions for IF (should that be when perhaps) gma decides to play up during your wedding, am sure she will have something to say and I would make sure that you have designated Bullshite bodyguards who will be prepared to ask these people to leave if they dont behave!

Certainly when DH and I got married, we didnt invite some friends and family. The fallout from that was on both sides, and they didnt get the fact we couldnt afford not could our venue accommodate more than 30 people. I had people asking if they could just pop in during our ceremony ( :jawdrop: ummmm nope!), family members made really bitchy comments and when there was other family weddings they deliiberately invited everyone except me and my DH (like I cared, as imo its up to them). We had people RSPV they were coming to the evening event (as we invited everyone we could to that) and then they didnt show because they were upset they werent invited to the day....so yep we forked out £ for their meals and they were a no show, really calssy imo. We also didnt invite my SIL's late bf because he was BM's brother and a complete criminal junkie psycho...threatening DH when he heard something he didnt like involving his b*tch of a sister. FIL even asked DH to invite SIL bf as a favour. This guy had smacked my nephew around (his ss) when he was 3, it was even caught on camera him hitting him in the head for no reason. He beat my SIL ALL the time. He was an addict, he had threatened my FIL with a knife, oh and he was a convicted rapist. You know an ideal wedding guest! You can imagine my answer to that plea.

You cant please everyone, but so long as you address any concerns your family/friends have pleasantly then YOU can hold your head up.

Unfreakingreal's picture

Submitted by Unfreakingreal on Wed, 08/08/2012 - 3:24pm

God you brought back memories. When DH and I decided to tie the know 3 years ago, we decided that we didn't want ANY kids at our wedding except ours of course. The way around that was to make them all part of the wedding party. When invites went out, we started getting the calls from his family. "What do you mean ADULT reception?" Exactly what it says morons! Well, needless to say more than a few decided not to show up because we wouldn't allow their widdle babies at our wedding. On top of all that, we ended up having to invite all sorts of cousins and relatives that we really didn't want to invite in the first place. If I had to do it over again, I would have a destination wedding. Whoever makes it, GREAT, whoever doesn't PERFECT. We've been married 3 years and are STILL paying off that wedding. We went WAY overbudget.

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Wed, 08/08/2012 - 4:47pm

PS - you can invite ANYONE you want to your wedding...although honestly, I do believe there are certain people that should be invited out of respect...even if ignored. With that said, ANYONE invited to a shower, MUST be invited to the wedding. It is in very poor taste not to do so. If you don't, at least have the courtesy to return their present from the shower...Yes, it sucks...especially if someone else invites them to the shower when you weren't wanting to invite them to the wedding, but it is also very bad manners not to do so.

I instead told anyone that wanted to have a shower for us that we did NOT want a shower, as we had everything we needed, etc. and also did not expect any gifts from the wedding. That allowed US to decide who we wanted at the wedding.