i know what you mean. i feel the same way. like for thanksgiving, we are splitting the child....i mean we get him for lunch and then drive him back to his mother's house for dinner. then xmas ss is with us xmas eve and he is w/mother xmas day. it use to be worse when mother use to switch the days/weekends around to fit her damn schedule, my husband finally put his foot down and told her no more switching.

if you can't change anything in your current situation, i would just have the party when you want it to be and enjoy yourself, why be stressed out and unhappy.

-happy mom

Benn there done that. It does get old. You feel guilty either way. You must take care of your son and soon to be. I am learning that the hard way. Include when the step kids are with you and continue on with your life when they are not. The step kids are doing the whole holiday thing with their other family. Cherish your kids make your family traditions!

I just want to reiterate what Maureen said about making the most of what you DO have...

Look at this as the opportunity to start new traditions for your family. What a wonderful excuse to bring in practices you DO like, and incorporate traditions from both sides of the blended families.

This year, my son will be traveling out to his father's over the holidays. As we have done every other year for the last twelve, we will be celebrating on Yule (Dec 21st). On years I have him for Xmas, he travels out Boxing Day (the 26th here in Canada) and will celebrate Xmas with his dad's family on the Ukrainian calendar (Jan 7th). We do similar stuff over easter holidays, etc.

We have been doing this for so long that we have begun to look forward to the events no differently. This has solved a number of other problems too...

We no longer worry about the half day thing; who's house do they wakeup Xmas morning on, who's house do they have Xmas dinner in, etc. By making these new traditions each family has them for the entire period. This makes it easier for not offending grandparents by trying to juggle in side visits, etc as the grandparents become part of the various new tradions too.

More importantly, it has also solved another dilemna we once had... We are the custodial home of my SS. The first year his BM took him for Xmas, we made the mistake of sending his presents from us along. Bad mistake. She changed the from tags to her own name and boy arrived back at our house eager to see what 'we' had given him. The second time she had him for Xmas she arrived to pick him up and had the same expectation of taking his gifts too. Imagine her surprise when we said, "Oh, we've already had our gift opening." (oooooh, I waited a whole two years to see that reaction and it was worth every day). Now, that presented a whole other problem for us indirectly; she admitted she had bought nothing for him and tried to guilt us into giving her money so the boy wouldn't be dissapointed - I mean, what person would allow a 5yr old to wake up with not presents under a tree (the arguement seemed lost on her own responsibility tho). We stuck fast though; and yes, the boy woke up to find only a note from Santa. Anyway, we've never had trouble from the woman again. In fact, she has never again asked to have him for the holidays at all!

I have spent my entire career working every other Christmas so my children were used to having Santa come at different times on the years that I worked. I was just the way things worked in our family and that didn't really matter to them. They had family, fun and most of all security.

My husbands ex was so worried about "getting the kids for her share of time" that she would have them travel either on Christmas Day or very early Boxing Day morning on a plane so in essence they spent most of their holiday time with strangers in an airport. This isn't about the kids or evening wanting to be with them...this is purely adult selfishness and I am so glad that my kids didn't have to experience this.

We must always think about the repercussions on the kids involved when we make plans.