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The beginning of it all...

skyisfalling's picture

So we're having the fSKIDS for 5 days and I am already feeling down. It's just little small things that make me upset. Anyway, to get to the point, we're getting ready to eat dinner, BF and fSS are down stairs already and I was left with fSD upstairs because she was still watching a movie. So I tell her that she can watch the movie down stairs and she starts a small tantrum like she sometimes does with me and BF and starts saying stuff like "No!", "I don't have to listen", "Leave me alone", "I don't like you" but tonight it was different. She only said, "I don't have to listen, you ruined my family." I mean this is coming out of a 3 year old's mouth, believe it or not. She said it a few times, it really hurt me that she would say something like that, but I realized that it wasn't her doing it and was BM. fSD usually repeats everything BM says either infront of her or to her. So, I just brushed it off my shoulder and didn't say anything to BF. I didn't want him to worry or stress about something like that. He already has a lot on his mind, I didn't want to add that on top of it. I just let it go. All four of us are at the dinner table and all of a sudden she says, "My mommy and daddy are bestfriends." That automatically told me that BM definitely was up to all of it. Just because BM is that kind of a person that will bash me to fSD and I've known that for awhile now. But it's just wrong that she would say it to a 3 year old that I ruined her family. She's making her own child emotionally unstable and I just couldn't believe it. Now I didn't care that fSD said that her mommy and daddy are bestfriends, it's cool that BM would say something like to her, but I am sure BM was venting about me to her fiancee with rude comments right infront of fSD especially after the incident that happened a week ago or so. I just know it, I can read BM like a book. Also, from what I read in some of these blogs and posts, it will never stop. She will always bash me to fSD no matter what and that's fine. I am up for it. I love fSD & fSS very much, and in the future when they say stuff like that I am just going to ignore it and just blame BM silently for it. Hopefully, when they are old enough to understand, I will be able to sit them down and talk to them about it all. I guess we'll see. It's a long road.

Comments

Elizabeth's picture

My SD's BM used to tell her that it was her father's fault that they got divorced because he had too many other women. This was when she was 5 years old! Even if that was true (which it wasn't), that's not something you need to lay on a little kid.

sarahbernheart's picture

when I was going thru my divorce we had to take this parenting seminar that is required in our state.
the therapist said to not bash each other to the kids because kids are pretty smart and they will realize soon enough what the bioparents are about.
And it was HARD to not belittle my ex - he was such an ass to our youngest it was all I could do to not call that bastard every name in the book, but I didnt, and now that he is 18 y/o he does not want to see his dad unless he has to.
He lives with me full time even though we had 50/50 joint.
so my point is you are doing the right thing but not lowering yourself to the BM level.
good luck!!

“You will never be on top of the world
if you try to carry it on your shoulders.”

skyisfalling's picture

I definitely agree. I think the reason why this BM does this is because fSD always talks about me when she goes back to BMs house. Nothing bad of course, unless BM puts words in her mouth. Last year, even BM said that fSD told her that she wanted me to pick her up because I was her bestfriend. I thought that she was being nice for once, oh boy was I wrong. She automatically had to add that only her daddy can pick her up and not me. -_-'

"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."

gobbism's picture

I have been on the receiving end of this sort of thing. I'm not sure but I have reason to believe that FSS is currently (I hope) being fed less of this PAS sort of thing.

I read somewhere that children tend to pick the side most hostile, which is a defense mechanism, important for a defenseless child's survival. Or so it used to be when people were more prone to bashing each other senseless.

I know that there are people out there who have evolved beyond this, but it is true that as kids get older, they can see BS as BS, especially if you don't fall into the trap.

It really is trying for kids though, they really should not be subjected to this.

Angel's picture

sounds stupid and evil. Any person that uses & hurts children are evil. Horrific behavior. Hurting your own kids. Unfricking- believable.

skyisfalling's picture

Yeah seriously tell me about it. Ugh. She makes me soo angry.

"Look at how far you've come and stop concentrating on how much further there is to go."