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I Guess this is the End

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My therapy appointment got cancelled which is too bad because I was ready to dump so much on her.

So me and BF decided to hash it out again tonight as a last ditch effort to save the relationship. BF said he will 100 percent NOT change his weekend schedule for someone who does the bare minimum and is willing to walk away the second things get tough, and there's no point in trying to work things out since I have it in my head already that I want to leave.

After I leave he is done with dating forever (lol). I hope he has a nice life with his mini wife.

I'm not okay...

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Bf and I had "the talk" last night. He said if I'm not happy and need to be free I have his blessing. Even though this is what I need it's what I want. It's just so final. My heart is hurting for the things that will never be: vacations, holidays, our future children...a lifetime together that I thought we agreed to and both wanted.

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Seeing the Light

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So this will come as a surprise to probably zero of you but here we are.

My therapist told me I was depressed and suggested I get my meds adjusted. So after a month of weird side effects, feeling great,feeling miserable, feeling like a zombie etc. I realized the depression is coming from my situation and no amount of meds is going to fix this. 

Instead of overmedicating I'm planning to move out. I've been looking up ways to deal with the mortgage, making scenarios about what to do with the house, that's the biggest one. BF loves the house and he can have it. 

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Evolution of a Mini Wife - and Making an Exit Plan

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Me here just venting again. I haven't been in a great place mentally for the past couple months. But before that I was doing great.

Lately I've been feeling really lonely. And bored. I know lots of us are.

BF brought up briefly my idea of going to counselling after we were discussing an earlier freak out. but apparently NOTHING IS GOING TO CHANGE so it's up to me to decide if I'm okay being unhappy with him. And I still haven't done enough to earn more alone time. Actually I've done nothing and he's the one making all the sacrifices.

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