Tonight, my hubby after being out of town two nights comes home.  He hasn't seen me or his kids, or my daughter, for two days.  He sees his kids, teenagers, every other day.  They have split custody so he sees them half the time.  He said he missed me terribly and just wanted to spend time with me.  We decided to put the Christmas decorations and tree up because the kids wanted to and we didn't have alot of free time this weekend.  I felt like we barely connected the whole time.  He and my step kids spoke about all of their memories about each ornament they placed on the tree.  He barely spoke to me about anything.  This might be normal if we'd just gotten married this year, but we've been married almost three years now and the kids knew about it a year before it happened..  We were a couple long before and included both sides in our lives.  So, why after 4 years together, they still have to speak about only "their past time together"?  I don't get it.  It feels like they are purposely doing it at times.  They NEVER talk about anything from the last three years that includes us.  It's always them from before WE ever came along.  It breaks my heart.  My husband talks this big talk about wanting to be a "real family" with us, but I really don't believe it.  How could I?  Actions speak louder.  I acknowledge and realize, of course, that they have a past and a life and a bond that is beyond us.  I get it.  I have the same  with my daughter.  But, I do not flaunt it in their faces.  I try to cultivate an atmosphere of togetherness in the moment.  But, they just want to talk about the past.  A past that conveniently never includes my daughter and I.  

I am in love with this man, but have started to question his love for me.  I feel like I am just someone to occupy his time when his children are not around.  He says all the right things to me in private...,mostly, although I feel he has a negative attitude towards my daughter.  But, he seems to act like a completely different person when his kids are around.  It suddenly becomes a "club" that no one else is invited into.  Tonight I went outside in the cool air by myself.  I could smell a fire in the distance, and the smell of cologne.  It made me feel sad.  I miss romance.  I want that between my husband and myself.  To be involved with one another in every way.  To take part  in all of the little things that happen day to day and be a true partner.  This is how we used to be before we blended our family.  Lots of love, empathy, and tons of passions.  I don't underterstand why he can't put me first.  He did for the entire two years we dated before we married.  When he was with me, he was all about us.  That doesn't mean he won't be there for his children, but just show me that you want me, ya know.  Like in the beginning of our relationship.  Why does that fade?  I'd love a man's opinion on this.  I want love and friendship, laughter, companionship, partner ship, working together, and passion...lots of passion.  I work out, diet, take care of myself.  I don't get it.....