SO is sooooo naive and idealistic! How can I snap him out of this?

I've been with SO since ss3 was barely a year old and ss4 was about 2. While the children themselves are usually not that bad, it's BM that's causing me grief. She's a lying, manipulative, immoral, low-life bitch! Even though she cheated on SO and left him, when she found out about me, it appears that she's on a mission to break us up. SO and BM have 50/50 legally but in reality SO has the ssons more like 70%. Over the last 18+months, she's asked that I spend less time with the kids (and yet she ALWAYS tries to find reasons to not have them during her time), whenever the kids are sick, and act "weird", BM would tell SO "it's because of sm isn't?".

If everything was done accoring to the CO, BM and SO would never see each other since the pick up/drop off is daycare. But off course she's always "running late" or asking if SO can keep the kids until the following day or whenever's more convenient for her highness! My personal favorite is that every time she sees me, says "these are MY children! you will never be their mother!" It's so annoying.

I know it's not the boys'fault, but all the grief i get from BM is starting to impact how I feel toward the ssons! I don't want to ge close to them because even if they care about me, I'm sure that will all change soon given how often BM reminds me (in front of the skids) that SHE's the mother and I will never be their mom.

Now, the annoying part is that SO keeps telling me "as long as you give ss4 and ss3 all your love, they will love you back and will never know the difference between you and their mom". BARF! don't get me wrong, I love ssons but I swear whenever they misbehave or act out, I can see BM in them and it makes me want to puck!

As SO and I start talking more and more about trying for a baby, the more often he goes on about what a perfect family we are and will be with the addition of the new baby. SO is convinced that the ssons will continue to love me and behave toward me the way they do now. SO's even sure that once ssons are able to, they will reject BM in favor of me. He thinks as they get older, ssons will see BM for what she is and make the choice to limit their contact with her. Me on the other hand, I have huge doubts. I'm so afraid that SO is in for a rude awakening. Maybe everything will be hunky dory and we all live happily ever after but maybe that won't happen.

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HA! Wishful thinking. The

HA! Wishful thinking. The boys will do what most boys do in situations like this and use each parent for the best they can get.

She doesn't want you to replace her and he wants you to replace her. You really haven't a hope have you?

To BM I would say "I know I aren't their mother. You told me last time." Reapeat as often as she tells you.

To SO I would say "Honey, she is their mother whether you like it or not. They love her. You have to accept it because you chose her as their mother. They will always love her and we will not be the ideal little family and forget she ever existed because she does. So once you accept this we can talk about our own baby."

Ignore her pissy remarks. She is insecure.

you're right he wants me to

you're right he wants me to replace her while she doesn't want me to. And I don't want to replace her! heck, I don't want to claim those kids as mine. They're not too bad but their behaviors are not what I want for my children. To quote the daycare provider "ss3 acts like a 7 months old". Because of how SO and BM treat the boys, both boys are so immature for their age! In fact, I get embarrased when I'm out w/ ss4 and we're around parents with kids of that age, i feel bad that ss4 acts like he's 2, using baby talks, throwing temper tantrums, etc...

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