im sick of one minute DH backing me up and next its im too hard on SS8, but then its i never discipline SS8 and just yap at him. which is not true i do discipline him but 70% of the time DH is circumventing what i am doing. so then i tell him to deal with it and its i dont care about his kids blah the blah blah. BTW have i mentioned i love just love getting scolded by DH right in front of not only his kids but mine as well. can anyone note the sarcasm???? then its we have to listen to SS8's ideas of where to go. its always SS8 where would you like to go. its never considering where his wife would like to go. oh today was just awful, some good but mostly awful.

today went like this.
8am-2pm: clean all morning, and go into town and take the dogs for a walk at the dog park. - that went ok for the most part.
3:10pm - 3:30pm: get in the car, and drive to drop dogs off at MIL's house so we can have a fun day in town - whats the first thing SS8 does? puts his super muddy boots from ever puddle he could find right on the back of DD's seat. i tell him to take his feet off the seat and he does for maybe 5 minutes. SS8 says: "I put my coat on seat" so i look back to find his coat on his seat and him putting his muddy boots on the coat now. so DH starts lecturing him to put his coat on which he refused several times but eventually did. but puts his feet back on the seat to which i told him yet again to take his feet down. so now DH pissed off snaps at me, for telling SS8 to get his feet off the seat. not once says anything to SS8 about his feet on the seat and goes off ranting the rest of the way about how all i do is yap at him, and today was supposed to be a fun day and threatens me like i was a child that if i dont stop he's turning the car around.

excuse me i'm sorry but it irritates me that SS8 is purposely putting his feet up there and knows its a rule not to put your feet on the seats of the van especially muddy feet.
so rest of the day goes similar to this. i wish he had turned around. this kid in the past three weeks has just been a terror. He has stated many times he doesnt like me called me ugly, and has stated right in front of DH i only like you when your nice to me. IE: when i give treats or dont discipline. DH does nothing unless i go you just going to let him talk to me like that? but yet BM is god to him. the same BM who refused to come 2 weekends in a row, shows up the third weekend all snarly and then the kid comes home complaining that BM spent no time with him all weekend.

i so want to just disengage i just have no idea how to. that and the fact that DH already stated im horrible for even thinking that. we're supposed to be one big happy family in his mind. but were not im miserable. SS8 hates me most days. SS6 is nice to me at least tho. im the one seperating the kids but everytime SS8 does something bad and i reprimand him for it DH goes after DD5 or compares SS8's actions to DD5's actions. DD5 is well behaved most of the time. her problem is with eating shes an extremely picky eater and DH goes at her so hard for it, but SS8 goes after both dogs one is to the point its limping and he thinks its funny., or he'll yell at the younger ones, or even the baby. constantly tattles on everyone and everything. plays DH against me a lot. will ask me something and if i say no will go right over to DH and ask him. DH goes after DD5 so hard if she disrespects me or him but if SS8 does it OMG we cant punish the little darling. he's going through tough times with the drama his mom is causing us. yea fair enough but my DD5 when through an extremely traumatic experience when she was 2 almost 3 and yet we dont back off on her.

ok just to add my daughters behind a bit. she five and in one year early in kindergarten and will repeat next year. but she's well behaved, has a speech delay that is getting better and some gross motor delays but everything is improving and i feel confident by the end of the school year she will know how to write her first name and possibly last, count to 20(up to ten now consistantly), and know all the letters uppercase and lowercase with hopefully sounds. so she is behind her peers and i blame myself for that i didnt spend enough time when she was younger teaching her these things and we are playing catch up but she is catching up.

now she's behind but SS8 and SS6 are so far behind and i dont know how they will get ahead but apparently we should just let them enjoy being kids and not make then work hard on catching up cuz thats just mean apparently. both SS's dont know the whole alphabet or the letter sounds. SS8 has repeated 2nd grade 2 times now and is being pushed into 3rd next year cuz hes getting to old to be held back, SS6 same thing being pushed into 1st grade repeated kindergarten 2 times. SS6 doesnt know his numbers SS8 can only count to 10. SS8 doesnt sit still in the classroom and actually starts pretending to be some sort of animal when hes bored in class. SS8 has the behavior issues. He bugs the dogs to the point of hurting them thinks its funny to make them growl. pushes, hits and yells at his brother and my DD. Yells at and takes toys away from DS(baby). tattles on everyone including me. he actually threatens to call the police on DH or I sometimes. but DH thinks we should relax off him for fear he might choose to go to BM's house to live when he gets older. that may happen anyway. i dont know the only time i get my way with DH is when i threaten to leave. im just so tired of this. i dont like fighting to have my voice heard. last time i brought up disengaging he said thats fine then i can choose to stop buying your daughter stuff like toys or clothes or food. i dont work i stay at home with the kids. cant work now thanks to his EX. id be paying the daycare for 4 kids. all my money would go to the kids going into daycare. i miss my family and where i grew up. i moved so far away with him only to be treated like im no more than another kid in the house. DH is 10 years older than me but that doesnt mean he can treat me that way. if its not the way he decides then he throws a fit. even now hes pouting because i walked away from him for being unreasonable. odds are i wouldnt be able to win full custody of our son we have together the baby so id be forced to stay here if i left id get the primary for sure tho, but i have no family here.

just enting and trying to see if anyones got advice.