My SD is 11 years old, her daddy is deployed and i need advice. please help me.
This is my first post so im not quite sure how this thing works but i dont know what else to do.
I have a biological boy thats 9 months old and my sd whose 11 but acts 16. So my sd is the worst child i have ever had to deal with. I have been with my husband for about 3.5 years now and whenever he is home, life is great! He has had to do a back-to-back deployment and has been gone a really long time. He just started the second deployment as part of the back to back. My sd is getting worse and worse by the day. I take her to counseling one a week. He says that she lashes out at me because she is angry at her mom and dad. really come on!! she doesnt listen to me, she's disrespectful, lazy, rude, and ungrateful. I have done so much for her and she "slaps" me in the face everyday with her attitude and disrespect. She just walks away from me while im talking to her or she rolls her eyes says "i forgot", "whatever", and "i dont care" almost all the time. She cant give me a reason to why she acts the way that she does its always "i dont know" and it pisses me off because ive never done anything to make her wanna hate me. Its like shes a mood killer. She sees that people are happy and life is great and has to go and f it up. I wonder if she will ever change or if im always going to hate this child. I really dont want to leave my husband bc of what an 11 year old is doing to me but i cant do this anymore. I dont understand how she can be so ungrateful to me. she tells me everyday that she hates me and im strict and that she wishes that i would leave. The counselor says that shes just acting out on me because she knows i wont leave and she feel safe with me...WTH really? I dont know what else to do. I think she might be ADHD or something. I dont understand how a child can go from acting like everything is great to being a brat in 2.4 seconds. My husband gets so upset with her every other day because he cant exactly do anything. How do you deal with someone that is soooooo negative towards you? How do you make it work with someone that i cant stand to be around. I have a lot longer to go till my husband gets home to help me...so what can i do or not do to get through this deployment? Please help me. Thanks yall.
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First of all, drop your
First of all, drop your approach that it is personal.
It is NOT personal.
She may seem like she knows whats going on. But she doesn't. 11 year olds are not self aware ... hell, some grown ups sure as hell aren't.
So stop being emotional.
You DH needs you to suck it up because - and I can say this because I am a Soldier and so is DH - is so goddamn frustrating when you are deployed and your family can't handle home.
You think Soldiers like being deployed? Most of them like the money but hate they can't take care of their families. For men, they feel like they are failing somewhere so they makeup for it on deployment by digging in to their jobs.
Bottom line: keep taking her to counseling, quit being selfish, and don't take it personal. She is upset and not mature enough to deal with it.
You have to continue to be the adult.
But at the same time, spoil yourself once in awhile or you will resent DH for being deployed and leaving you with her.
"Those who deny freedom to others deserve it not for themselves." ~ Abraham Lincoln
well i do apologize for the
well i do apologize for the way it came across but thats just how i feel about it. i know that it is extremely hard for my husband to hear about all the negative stuff that goes on at home. im also military and i understand both sides of the spectrum. you did bring up some good points though and i thank you for that but im selfish how? by making it personal? i dont mean that in a negative light either i just want to know where im going wrong in order to fix it because i dont think that i am being selfish. and i dont resent my husband for being deployed, its all part of the game thats played when your in the military. i get it. it sucks but there is nothing you can do about that because its part of the job.
Please thank your DH for all
Please thank your DH for all he does for this country for me, and thank you to you and your son and SD as well. Another very real possibility is that she's jealous that your son has his mom and dad together. You should talk with the therapist about that. Is her mom in the picture at all?
You should call her doctor and google "symptoms of ADHD" and talk about this possibility with the doctor. Maybe he/she can refer her to another therapist who can prescribe the appropriate medicine for her.
well thank you. we are both
well thank you. we are both mil-to-mil which does make it harder. her mom (who is actually her step-mom from my husbands second marriage) does nothing to keep in contact with her. my sd calls her once or twice a week and i can say in the past 6 months she only called back once to talk to her. so i can imagine that it is harder on her because she doesnt have her "mom" in the picture and does have to deal with her daddy not being here. funny thing is that i was looking up ADHD while waiting on replies...and we go on tuesday and i think i will bring it up to the doctor.
well my husband thinks that
well my husband thinks that she isnt ADHD but i know that something has got to be not working properly in her head. my sd gets sent to her room almost every day and now thats the only room she can play in although she doesnt have anything there bc its all gotten taken away but she can stay in there. i dont have to see her and its more peaceful. i mean i love her to death when everything is working out but i cant stand to even look at her when shes acting out and being an @ss. i do take it personal but i guess thats something i shouldnt do. oh well.