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so.tired's picture

I didn't think I would be back so soon. Here is whats happening: skid is going to leave tonight to see his grandmother out west for three weeks. Stepmom1 made all the arrangements because she has the money and is still very close to the grandmother (her former MIL). This child has never seen spent more than a couple of hours with grandma in his entire life, but at the age of 10-Dad says it time. Cool! I get three weeks=no skid.

I get a call after I get to work this morning from BF that he has "a great plan that should make me happy". BF and his exwife (stepmom1) are going to meet up after she gets off work this evening, go to dinner, go to airport and see the kid off and she will drop BF back at home. "Great little family scene" was all I could say...he starts getting irritated with my less than enthusiastic response. I pulled back a bit and acted as if it was a great plan - because yes, I do not want to go to the airport and have to hold back my joyful dance once he was on the plane and act all sad...but the fact that his exwife has decided that they need to go to dinner and then to the airport and spend the whole evening together. (Plane doesn't take off until 10:30-11pm tonight) Im off the hook- but Im still pissy about it.

Backstory: I told BF the other day, after listening to him rage about the inequalities of his sons life in my home that are all my fault of course - that the door has been open for him to take his son and go at anytime. I turned away and had nothing more to say to him for a couple of days. BF has been back pedaling ever since. Is life unfair for the boy?-basically yes. His dad moved him into my 2 bedroom apt that I share with my teenage daughter. The boy has been sleeping in the living room for the last four years. Did Dad ever go out and pull in enough money to increase what we can pay for rent for a larger place-no. boo hoo- his choice to keep his kid on the couch. Does skids mother have anything to do with him-NO- she does not. Stepmom1 loves him, even though he is the "prize" she got when her then-husband cheated on her. Does she want BF back- She says no. Does BF want to go back to her- he says never.

They have had many other meals together and each see it as a "thank you" for letting him visit when possible on weekends, and driving him back and forth. I found out accidently once that when he drops skid off over at her house- she always had a big breakfast waiting for them. When he goes to pickup skid, she usually has dinner made to eat before they go. I made it known I would not be cooking for him if he is doing this with her and now Im invited for dinner as well or she sends the extras home for me. She is a good cook- she enjoys cooking. So here is a woman, who loves this kid, loves to cook meals, set up a room for him in her new house and wants to do everything she can to help with skid. Maybe I pale in comparison and wish BF would get back together with her... I don't know...most days I can't stand to look at skid. The personal boundaries are so invisible for them, but if Im talking with my ex-husband- then all hell breaks out. Ohhh, maybe I should invite her over for dinner and let them all sit at my place until 9pm. Forget that- she is to type A for me to tolerate. I guess I should just let it go, take my daughter out to eat and be happy.

Is there anything I should say or just let it go and enjoy my 3 weeks free of the skid?

Comments

kathc's picture

Enjoy that skid is leaving for three weeks and tell your BF he has two weeks to find a place for him & his son to live when he gets back from the visit. He's mooching off you and complaining that you don't do enough. Stop doing anything, tell him to get out of your apartment that he says is too small.

Onefootout's picture

I would get rid of him now, that's all I can recommend. Let SM1 have them. Better her than you.

so.tired's picture

You are all right.

He did make an interesting comment the last weekend.."if I want to move-take your daughter and move- go for it" I told him that this is my apartment, my lease and Im not going anywhere. I of course responded that "If someone was leaving it would be him and his son".

He knows that I have so much "stuff, i.e. crap" in the apartment and storage locker/garage that it would take way more effort than I can put in. At my age I will start stashing cash to get some moving help. I have moved out of my own place before, a few years ago when my then sons refused to move out-but the fallout from the landlord still haunts me.

I will look into finding a legal way to move him. The police are no help, because he has been there more than 60 days.

nothinforya's picture

Your daughter is a teenager, and will be independent soon. Then you can move to a one-bedroom! Also, your lease renews yearly, right? You can TELL him you are going to move when the lease is up, and that he has to go, but you don't actually have to move.

so.tired's picture

update: as he has in the past, he is "holding me to my agreement to continue "as is" until he starts and finishes a program for construction". I apparently owe him everything because he is the best man to ever be a part of my life and that I should be grateful for his help. :? To him, this means that he will start school in Sept and finish in Jan- should be out of my life by Feb 2014. I made it clear that I had no intention of playing house for another six months and as usual it fell on deaf ears.
Honestly, at this point- I would prefer my daughter to not move out...I might need a set of eyes for the times I'm at work and witness any shenanigans. I have to let this go for now and concentrate on work-this evening should be interesting.

Oh, and ladies- his usual method of operation is to get online on a few dating sites and look for the next household to move into....I know you single ladies here are all smart enough to see through the fog of "a struggling single dad raising his child alone" and "my wonderful son" crap, but warn your friends in MN and WI...Johnny might be schmoozing in their direction! :sick: