I'm considering doing something nice for my DH (and SS21), but it will involve spending money (lots) on SD21.

I'm thinking about flying her and her family here in the fall for a short visit.

Some background: SD23 is married and has a daughter (SGD3); they live out of state.
SS21 moved in with DH & I in December (see previous posts for story), and has been wonderful to have around. Seriously. He cleans up after himself, got a job in town, follows our house rules, and pays us the agreed upon rent without being asked. :jawdrop: Yes, it actually can happen -- but I would never have believed it till I saw it.

Anyway, SS21 is joining the military and will be leaving in the fall. DH has really enjoyed having SS21 here, and getting to see him actually become a "grown up". I'm really proud of SS21 for making positive changes in his life, and I am proud of him for deciding to join the military. SS will be leaving shortly after DH's Bday. I have to be realistic, and acknowledge that there is always the risk of him being hurt or killed in the military. I am considering bringing his sister home for a short visit so they all can be together before boot camp. DH would love to see his GD3. I will have to invite her DH, too.

SOOOO, that's airfare for 3, not to mention the pickup/dropoff, and feeding and housing them while they are here.

DH hasn't seen SD23 since Xmas. SD and her family only spent 4 days with us, and frankly, it was hell for me. She's selfish, entitled, rude, she snoops in my stuff and expects me to wait on her. I was ready for her to leave after 1 day. Since they live so far away, and it meant so much to my DH, I stuck a smile on my face and didn't create waves. (don't worry, DH saw how I felt and completely understood why. He spoke to her about the egregious items when I was about to blow.)
SD23 really is a big gaping wound for me. She's the reason I disengaged. Someone here once described the wounds we get from stepkids as a PTSD thing -- the wounds are huge, but never acknowledged and seem to never heal. I refuse to give her the power to hurt my feelings anymore, but I am hypersensitive to her and her actions, and I'm working on healing myself.

HERE'S PART OF MY PROBLEM: I know DH & SS would love it, which I would love doing something to make them happy, but I don't want to pay for SD23 and family to come here and have them turn it into an extended family visit. You know, I pay for what turns into them going to see BM and that side of the family -- if it's my dime, I want the happiness to benefit the ones I love. I know they are adults and I can't control them, but no way in hell do I want to do anything to benefit BM.

I haven't spoken to DH & SS21 yet...maybe I should just drop the whole idea.

What do you think?