I am first up tomorrow. I am starting therapy tomorrow, some for my sake, some to learn how to step-parent, and some to get the family able to talk bond and communicate. FH has SS5 & 6. BM is about to move many states away in two weeks, but it hasn't made this last visit any easier. SS5 came home today after his visit, and it's the same stuff over and over. She found out that he only goes to pre-k twice a week and stays home with me the rest of the week. She is disgusted over that, but she has no choice or say in their education. I have increasingly become more vocal in how things bother me, but since we found out she is moving away we are trying to just keep things pleasant. Well today FH brought SS5 home along with bags of v-day stuff from BM. Because she is moving, she wants their things to stay here with us; however, I have made it quite clear to FH and to her (pretending to be him through text) that we have plenty of toys and clothes here and do not need any of her stuff. Besides, for months she through fits that we never sent them but one change of clothes. She even called her lawyer about it - go figure! Tonight I was able to look FH in the eyes and talk to him about how I felt about this instead of just being passive and quiet or angry and demanding. I told him I don't like every time they come home they bring tons of things with them. While I am fine with the family photo they took with her and her ugly mug is sitting in frames in their room, I accept that. I know, being a child of divorce, that it helps them have things of hers to remind them of her. But I'm tired of having to see her toys, cookies, cards, etc. come home every visit. I even told FH, I don't send my things over there to her place! He explained that he wants to pick them up and just leave instead of having to go through their back packs, talk to her, and make a scene. I understand that. I also finally told him that even though she's leaving, there will still be visits from holidays, summer, etc. and boundaries will have to be established. He said that he will tell her again not to send things home, but I doubt that will work, with her. I know...after a few weeks they will forget about certain stuffed animals and such and I can throw them in the trash and no one will miss it. I wish BM would stop sending that stuff here though. So anyway...I'm hoping that our therapy will start to work soon especially since BM is going to be gone for months at a time. It confuses the kids when she tells them I'm not part of the family or that it's my fault they sit in time out. SS5 told me tonight, mom never puts me in time out. My only response was, well that's what your mom does and the rules here are different. At dinner we talked about it, too, and he was nearly yelling at me saying it's my fault he has to sit in time out. I said, well who chooses to talk back? Who chooses to throw toys? He is a very mature and bright boy and knows it's his fault, but he's confused when he hears from BM that anything that is bad is my fault. I asked him what happens when he makes poor choices at school. Even his older brother said, I have to sit in time out sometimes at school.

Okay, done venting! Has anyone else done family therapy that has stories to share?