Step-moms as primary caretakers
I want to say that a lot of advice I have gotten from friends, family, and websites don't fit evey situation. I read a lot that it wasn't my place to discipline, and DH and I even agreed on that. After acknowledging that I am the stay at home until dad gets home at 6, it was contradictory to think I shouldn't discipline. Well after starting parenting therapy classes, it has been confirmed to me and I feel much better. Our therapist said that our situation is different than the traditional "mom, step dad, children" scenario. She said that as their primary caregiver, it's important that I do set boundaries, enforce consequences, and put them in time out if need be. So I want to say to those of you who are frustrated with mixed feelings, if you are a primary caregiver and as long as you and DH agree on the rules, consequences, and style of discipline, it's absolutely ok to discipline them.
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I totally agree. Why stay
I totally agree. Why stay home and care for them, but not be able to discpline them. I however draw the line at physically disciplining someone else's kid.
Life is what you make it.
Can you call SS's BM and
Can you call SS's BM and tell her that?????? PLEASE!!!!!!!!!!
You really almost HAVE to do it. How many times have you heard that in regard to discipline, consequences should be timely and appropriate? Wait, what was that first word...TIMELY!! If you wait for DH to come home, the moment is gone and Skids are wondering why they are getting punished 6 hours later. On top of that, sometimes they do bad things to YOUR stuff, and what are you supposed to do, make DH discipline them for ruining things that belong to you. I think that gives the Skids the impression that it is their father's house, not yours too.
It is hard. I am also a stay
It is hard. I am also a stay at home mom to my own daughter and SS. This boy acts as if he has been raised by wolves. Well one wolf my Husb has had custody since SS was a toddler. I met the little terror last summer. (He was living with DH sister. This child doesnt respect anyone but my husband. But I have no problem discipling him and my husband is ok with it also. If I didnt I know his future would entail a cell block and inmate number.
Just be careful. My SD
Just be careful. My SD totally turned on me when I exercised this. Even when my H corrected her later she was sure it was MY control over him that caused it b/c HER DAD wouldn't care about whatever it was.
I really wish I would have gone back to work and left him to handle her OR, he would have stepped up to handle her when I asked him to. Now that my marriage is ending, if I could go back, even as FC SAHM I would have had him set his boundaries, clarify those are his rules, and when I had to implement them in his absence I would have always said, "I'm sorry hon, but dad wants to make that call so I have to do it his way."
That way it totally keeps the child in check that it is the bio parent who is making the call, and absolves the SP of being seen as a warden/police/or worse- the evil SM who makes and manipulates all the rules against their poor clueless dad's better judgment as my SD believed. I won't go into more details, but if I were a SM ever again...
I would not discipline or set the rules for the kids myself. I would let him know my thoughts on rules and then let go of outcome as to what he decides to do.
Katrinkie, I really liked your post and think that should apply regardless of FC SM status or not. If I had done it...
Well who knows now. But I would have been happier anyway.
To sita tara: luckily my DH
To sita tara: luckily my DH has established boundaries and he tells me that if they are disobeying, I can pull the "well that's your dad's rule" act on them.
He is a wise man. I think
He is a wise man. I think that everyone should go to some sort of counseling on these things before getting married and blending a family or being a step. I know if (big IF) I ever fall for a guy with kids again, we will be doing that first, even though I am a lot wiser myself now.