Two can play at that game...
BM seems to constantly have issues with clothing traveling to and from our home. We normally have one outfit that is here from her home and another for her to wear . Meaning we have two complete outfits from BM house . Where I don't see this as being that huge of a deal BM acts as if because we have a few outfits she has no clothes for her to wear. She seems to find the time to text and sends notes about the few outfits we have but she can't seem to find time to take her to the dentist. She constantly puts stress on SD 7 if she doesn't bring home every single pair of panties home with her . It's ridiculous! Instead of making SD wear dirty clothes home we are going to give BM a taste of her own medicine and send a few outfits that are from our home along with a note informing her that hopefully this will alleviate her clothing issue as well as take the stress off SD at her house. Maybe now she can focus her energy on something that actually matters like taking her to the dentist ! I think sometimes not reacting initially and taking the time to play the game just like she does only better works out in our favor in more ways than one ! Don't see how BM doesn't realize she makes herself look bad to SD. Love to come out on top with minimal effort and I really quite enjoy every opportunity to bring us closer with SD . I wish her BM didn't make it so easy!! Not to mention putting the clothing issue on BM instead of having to worry about it ourselves. Hope that didn't back fire on her at all ! lol
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This bm Used to send stepson
This bm
Used to send stepson to our house in nothing but het jeans. Flooded, no jacket. So we take pictures and I bought him new clothes. And I think she texts about his clothes just to have something to say it's pettiness but I agree do the same to her and see how she likes it. I really was like u want these holy jeans?!
I can sooooooo relate to
I can sooooooo relate to this!!! Except, our BM KNEW that we bought clothes for SD7 that we only kept at ours......whatever she sent SD7 down in, was kept, washed and put back on her the following day/week to go home in.......we only EVER send clothes that we bought home with SD7 when they are nearly outgrown.
Our BM feels that even though she has all the benefits paid to her for SD7 as well as maintenance, that OH and I should still pay for all clothing etc on top of that....since SD7 started school (which was nearly a year late cos she that much of a f*ck up) BM not once bought uniform, costumes, dress up stuff jack sh*t for SD7, instead leaving it to everyone else. She once told SD7 that it was OUR JOB to provide for her......OH told SD7 (in a childs way, as did MIL) that "daddy gave mommy money for these things so that mommy could buy them"........
Im so glad I dont have this
Im so glad I dont have this problem! I cant keep up with underwear, knickers, socks and vests are fair game to BM or to us, Ill put SD4 in what fits. When they are too small I throw them out, recently SD came to us with some knickers in her school bag, they were sizes 2-3, Im assuming BM thought they were ours, I dont remember but they are too small so in the bin they go.
The rest of the clothes we have an unspoken system, SD will come to us wearing an outfit, we send her back wearing something weather appropriate. Sometimes SD comes to us wearing clothes from BM, we try to have them washed and ready to send SD back in them the following week. Likewise if SD leaves us wearing something from us BM will dress her in it on her return to us. It is only ever coats and shoes that stay here. If SD comes wearing certain shoes and certain coat thats what she goes back in. She has so many pairs of shoes with BM and only has two here so the two here remain here so theres no issue.
Occassionally the odd item slips through a takes a few weeks to return but neither side has ever asked for an item. SD has a full wardrobe here with current and next sizes up. We debated handing over some clothes to BM after the summer so SD could get more wear out of them before she out grew them but never got round to it.
The worst part is that BM who
The worst part is that BM who is far from mother of the year acts as if she knows what goes on at our house .. Like assuming we have no clothes that fit her because the clothes we sent her in were on the verge of going out the door, shocking because she has grown not because we don't provide her with proper fitting clothes. If only she realized my life doesn't revolve around doing her laundry to appease her by sending her hand me down clothes back to her asap. If something isn't clean I send her in something from our home, mainly because I feel like they are SD clothes for one and for two I thought all that mattered was she was dressed . If only BM realized that the reason I send clothes that are almost to be gotten rid of because BM rarely returns anything until she decides she wants something back then she might send her in a outfit back . Or they end up tore up or simply never get returned. To bad she's to clueless to see that ! In fact half the time SD shows up in mismatched outfits , worn out clothes with holes or completely stained and she sends her to school that way... It's pretty bad when you go to pick up your skids and you have to pack an outfit for them to change into before you go somewhere!!! So glad I'm not the only one who has issues like this !! I felt so petty being irritated about this but once I truly sat back and thought about it this was a perfect solution ... Looking forward to her nasty grams once she receives the letter we wrote to her. Sometimes being the bigger person in the situation is harder to do but this is definitely a win for us and letting BM run her mouth all over Facebook slandering us about anything and everything may seem horrible but I always go back to one saying.. You can pretend to be mother of the year all you want on Facebook but some of us know you in real life! Not to mention BM and her friends can run their mouths all day every day but all that really doesn't matter. Because what we know and what SD knows to be true is our reality not what BM assumes ... Plus we all know where assumptions get us.
too bad BM never took the time to get to know me it's been five years and she obviously is still struggling with the fact that we are together and SD loves me, must really hurt her ego or we wouldn't still be here .. But I suppose when dealing with a child for a BM this is all to be expected ! Some days are easier then others, I am simply grateful SS9 and SD7 we get along. I also love to make each and every visit special, who am I kidding if I was BM I would be intimidated of myself too ! I am Super Step Mom all the time !!! And happy and sad that my skids don't want to return to their BM 's houses. One day they can choose for themselves and I think their BM's have a rude awakening coming . Sorry I kinda got off subject but so happy to be able to vent and relate!!
This is an age old fight.
This is an age old fight. Glad to see these BMs havent changed at all. Had this problem 15 years ago. When we tried buying clothes for our house and sending her home in them they werent "quality" clothing and she wanted back her crappy frou-frou stuff but still would keep the stuff we sent over. Then SD told me that BM thought we were keeping her socks and underwear purposely and not sending them back. Um my DD was 1 at the time. SD was 6. I told SD why would I want or need your socks. And thats gross. Its just another stupid thing to control and bitch about.
So what finally worked for us until SD was old enough to want to bring her own stuff in a bag from home was to take the clothes from BM off her as soon as she got to our house. Fold them put them away. And put them back on her as soon as we are leaving to bring her home so as not to dirty them up. And we really have to wonder why these kids are such screw-ups with the games we all have to play to appease some psycho BM? Of course we were the unreasonable ones. Sadly I wasnt able to steal anymore socks and underwear and I had to buy my own from there on out...
The SDs come to our house
The SDs come to our house looking like a total wreck all the time. I dont think DH has ever gotten a text or call about the clothes because as soon as I came on scene we started the keep what we buy at our house and send them back in what they wore.
I dont go with DH anymore to pick them up so if he decides to stop with them looking jacked up thats on him, not me.
The SDs rarely come over unless it's gift getting time or they want DH to take them somewhere special. The last time they came about a month ago, it was a fun weekend. The drive-thru zoo and the pumpkin patch. Not one thank you from the ungrateful SDs but my kids both thanked DH a few times.
If their clothes are too small, they get sent back on them, too bad, mommy dearest gets a 1/3 of DH's paycheck and all her lazy ass benefits too. Once the clothes at our house gets too small, I send them to goodwill or to a friend in need.
Sorry BM you already get everything you are going to get from this house. Oh yea BM buys the sds clothes off ebay. They were stuff too small, too tight, and dirty.
Why not just wash whatever
Why not just wash whatever she came in and send her back in that? And have clothes for her at your house so she doesn't need to bring anything from BM's. Makes life easier.
Yes we sent a lovely letter
Yes we sent a lovely letter in response hoping to solve her issue. As well as take the pressure and stress off SD7 at BM home . I happily sent a bag with a few outfits, socks, panties and shoes from our home hopefully to alleviate her moms issues and so my sweet SD can hopefully stop being treated poorly by BM. Now the issue lays with her BM so no stress on us outside of buying a few new outfits and sending a few old ones. It's frustrating because I feel like they are SD clothes not ours or hers and I am all for returning clothes back to BM but don't see the dramatic ordeal over a few outfits being here. For SD to wear back to her home considering she has primary custody you would think it wouldn't be the end of the world. BM never ceases to amaze me in her selfish insecure issues. It's pathetic!