Sd got kicked out of place for making out with a boy

Ok, sd13 went to her moms this weekend. For anyone who doesn't follow, and I don't post much, sd is a sociopath, generally very violent, and is doing her damnedest to be pregnant ny 14 and on a pole at 18. She has gotten caught sending inappropriate pictures, texting sexual convos, etc multiple times. She just says, "I'm sorry, I don't know why I did it. I'm just a failure". The I'm a failure is the make daddy feel guilty stand by line. So this weekend bm decides to let ss11, her ss10, ss11's "gf"??, and sd13 got to some skating rink for kids. Sd is pushing the age limit. She is supposed to be watching the lounger kids. Awesome mom, put a sociopath in charge.

Dh go to the drive in last night and get a call at about a 11 from bm. She says, well call me when you are done. Of course neither one of us can wait to find out what has happened, our very rare date night is already screwed. He texts and she sends a siatribe of how sd was walked out by the owner of the venue because she had met a boy and decided to make out with him.

That alone would be a bad decision, right? But she has made a habit of meeting a boy and just making out with them. I know of 5. Her text messages show she is telling 4 different boys she lives them. Who makes out with someone they just met. Ewwwww!!

I don't know what to do anymore. Sd told bm that she plans on making worse choices as she gets older. Wtf? She is just determined to blow any future. She had texted one little perverted boy over Christmas and told him if she got pregnant early, her dad was going to take care of it, no exceptions. That kid has another thing coming!! She plans to get pregnant, she thinks she is grown, she is going to be taking care of it.

I hate to say I am straight up disgusted by her behavior, but I am. It's a slap in our faces, it's disrespectful to our rules, she has developed a reputation that I don't know can be repaired....sigh. Any ideas? Anyone know where to get a chastity belt?

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We had that talk, and I

We had that talk, and I thought the part about talk dirty putting you in situations you can't control actually got through (she is still in invisible you know, so the stds stuff doesn't phase her, and the pregnancy stuff, well she has no concept of her body. I tried to correct something she said that was inaccurate and she refuses to believe that you urinate through your urethra, and there is a separate place [vagina] for reproductive processes. I even used a chart our of my old college human sexuality book of the human anatomy, she won't budge). She is smart as a whip, beautiful naturally, and can be Anything in this God given world, and unfortunately I can see the future she has painted for herself if she continues. The comment that scares me is that she already PLANS to make worse choices in her future. Who the hell does that? She has all the psychiatric help in the work, nothing makes a difference. I made the comment to my husband last night, I do t know why I am taking it so personally, and he said because you still car, and you have tried as harder if not harder than any of us to get through to her. She has no reason to be this way. This is not mama issues. She has no reason to have daddy issues. She just wants attention, and God forbid everyone in a room is not paying attention to her. A few nights ago I was on the couch reading a book, she came in and stood about three feet from me and just stared at me, I said do you need something. She said no, I just wanted to see how long it would take you to look at me. She's 13, not 5. Sorry, I'm very frustrated, I really love this girl, even after all the hurtful, painful things we've been through. I just want more for her than she does, and my future for her involves at least a high school education, and no pole or g-string!

^^^^this. She needs inpatient

^^^^this. She needs inpatient treatment... She needs to be saved from herself!

Hmm. Sounds kind of like the

Hmm. Sounds kind of like the BM I have to deal with. Her first kid was at like 15, whom she has never had custody, but gushes and pretends like she did.

She's needs serious help. But I know women of all ages, esp naturally pretty ones, that have learned to use it to their advantage. They use sex to get what they want, be it attn, or the gasp of horror when normal women react to hearing their behavior.

They thrive on it. And her standing in front of you, just to see if you look at her, yeah, that fits right in there with the attn thing.

I'm sorry, most socipaths don't change. They just learn how to disguise it better. And when she does have a child, she will learn the victim card.

She needs serious intensive therapy. And the more you are disgusted and respond to her behaviors, the more she will enjoy it. She has learned to use sex for boys attns, and shock value.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this...

Dh has been the main parent

Dh has been the main parent in her life her whole life. She has "mama issues" though I think that's mostly attention seeking. She has help, psychiatrist, counselor, two actually. We just downsized that elephant. She did a stint in the loonie bin at 12. She takes meds, but because of her age, the only diagnosis they will peg her with is depression. I get it, and won't open up the argument here again. She is a sociopath, plain and simple. She has no empathy or remorse, though to get by, she can fake it for short periods. She mimics "normal" people's behavior, or more damaged people behavior, so she has something to fall backon. We had talked about birth control. She told us she wouldn't take it, and when we talked to the doctor about forcing her on depo, the doctor refused, without her being "compliant and informed". We thought about another doctor, but crap, we are just getting beat down. Every time she goes to bms, something dramatic happens. We have issues here, but it was getting better. We keep her under very close watch. Speak very frank with her. She spent one on one time with bm, things seemed to be getting better there two. Then this. I don't know what this kid really expects anymore. I think she seriously expects boys to jump all over her, her to respond in kind, and us to be ok with it. She said something the other night at dinner about some guy at school she didn't know coming up to her and saying she had a nice butt. She said her response was I don't know you. I sat there quietly, and she asked me what was wrong. I said I was just thinking my response to a comment like that would have been drastically different, and I was wondering why you knowing him or not had anything to do with it. She asked me what I would have said, and I told her after I popped him upside the head and he woke up, I would have told him to find some orther hoochie he could talk to like a piece of meat, because I wasn't that girl. She just looked at me like a dog looking at a something it's never seen before, all sideways and confused.

It's extremely frustrating

It's extremely frustrating when the authorities will not just 'tell it like it is' and say there are deeper seated problems. We had doctors refusing to diagnose borderline personality disorder because SD was only 13, they said 'emerging'. They think the girl will outgrow this stuff? It really sucks dealing with it all too, I am sure we could trade horror stories here but the more positive thing to do would be to start seeing these traits early and finding an appropriate way of dealing with them. Institutions seem to fail these kids, they did not do ours any good!
The only saving grace for SD here is that she is a bad egg, it really sucks that she inherited her mom's lunacy. Another grace is that she now comes to recognize where she went wrong and why I did what I did to make her hate me...LOL
None of this enlightenment on her part is making any difference to her behaviors though, sociopaths do not change, she's still an 'escort' or 'shot girl' and dancing. This girl got her GED at 16, was in university at 17 and her path was a good one while she was with us...she went to her momma and it all went to hell in a hand basket. We have kind of washed our hands a bit now she is 19. SD makes her own choices and there's damn all we can do!

It is just the opposite in

It is just the opposite in our case, SD has the most issues with her mom. DH and SD have a good bond, not always the best relationship but a very strong bond. A therapist was almost assaulted by SD when he began to raise issues with BM and her, SD was so far in denial, and blaming anything and everything else, that it was a raw nerve and as soon as the therapist touched it she reacted very badly. There's a mother daughter bond that can be stronger than the father daughter bond and SD was missing that link. SD forgives her mother countless times and keeps going back there, only to be dumped on yet again?
BM is a bad egg, so is SD, and those birds of a feather flock together often but BM is totally lacking in empathy so they cannot bond properly. SD does have the ability to empathize with others to a degree so all is not quite lost yet.

She lives with us. They have

She lives with us. They have a good relationship. He is the patent that has always been there.

Ours is similar situation, SD

Ours is similar situation, SD lived with us right after her mother abandoned her and her twin brother when they were aged 11. Daddy was always there for those kids, he still is! Too much emphasis is placed on opposite sex parents, in my opinion, and sometimes kids are just badassed and looking for a justification! Let's face it, therapists need to earn money too? Schools of thought vary so widely when it oomes to therapy and basic common sense seems to just fly out the window! Adults really are in charge of kids, not the other way around.
How about educationg kids into society, maybe not quite 'old school' style but in a manner that teaches them self respect along with respect for others, self discipline and letting them learn hard lessons. Too much emphasis is placed on their 'feelings' and not enough on their general well being as people, who will have to face reality as they get older.

See above, she is in

See above, she is in intensive counseling. I'm telling you, they have as good of a relationship as this child has with anyone. This child has issues. I was really hoping some people would have some helpful advice, I'm really becoming sorry I posted today.

Please, do not ever feel

Please, do not ever feel sorry for posting. I hear you, loud and clear, and counselling is not always the answer. SD here was intensively counselled in a secure juvenile facility...the worst juvenile case on the books at age 16! Felony assault charge! Some kids really are just bad eggs and ours is one of them. We do not love any the less for it but what we have to do is step back a little and let her be. She's 19 now.
Positive reinforcement is a good thing to try. Oftentimes, though, kids will see you as 'on their cases' if all you do is ask how their day went!
The harder you try to stop some kids doing stuff the harder they try to do it, regardless of any negative outcomes...because they lack maturity to forsee the outcome. That's why kids need to be kids and parents need to parent, right? Sometimes parenting means letting the child make mistakes, I would get her the injection for birth control though! SD here had two STD's, she said she was pregnant but I think she was lying to get attention. Some kids just want attention, negative or positive, and will do anything to get it. It's really got nothing to do with their bonds or relationships with their parents, or step parents. Too damned many 'therapists' and too damned many theories and books and manuals...they are kids not cars! There is no 'one size fits all'. There are also too damned many entitled little brats out there too! The best advice I got was not to allow the kids to push buttons, I am steadfast with them and they know boundaries with me. DH was a bit of a Disney/guilty daddy for a while but I stopped 'parenting' the twins (they yelled 'you are not our mom so we do not have to do what you say...absolutely true! I do not have to do mom things iether!) and he pretty soon picked up the ball...he dropped the ball with parenting because they were abandoned by their mother at age 11. Sadly the twins are both tarred with the same brush as their mother, both sociopaths, and there is NO CURE! All I could do in that case was just be thankful that another day passed and they'll soon be of age...seriously! I really feel for you, I still have shocking memories from when SD was 13. Trust me, though, they do fade into history.
It was worth hanging in, life gets better as they get older and perspectives can change a little too. I am just an average woman and I survived sociopath TWINS! You can do this my friend.

Try this with her. THe

Try this with her. THe sexting with boys and/or sending naked photos of herself? It is called sending child pron and she will find herself in juvie and on a sex offenders list for a few years.

One of four, that part has

One of four, that part has stopped. There is now an app on her phone that logs texts, disables pic messaging, etc etc, I wanted advice from anyone on what we might be able to do. Counselors, psychiatrist, hospitals, we've done it. We just switched to a new counselor. I agree the kid has problems, but blaming the dad isn't the solution when he is the ONLY biological parent fighting for her well being. Believe me it would be easy to let this kid go. Say screw it. But I'm not, he's not, and bm is finally trying. I just wanted to know if anyone had success in dealing with this, if not, fine. Blaming my dh, isn't going to help.

Again, I hear you! DH and I

Again, I hear you! DH and I were in SD's corner all the way through the entire juvenile years in courts, group homes (she got kicked out of two group homes) and drug court and then a secure facility. The only success we had was getting her into university when she was 17, setting her up etc. but that was not happening to her liking and the money was not enough. I really hate to say this but I believe that you really have to step back from this girl. There is really no way to cure a sociopath and increasingly more kids are behaving in such a way that they are beyond help. The only consistent thing was that every time SD had contact with her mother then the shit hit the fan again and we picked up the pieces for the girl.
You are absolutely correct when you say it's no good blaming the dad, it's not his fault at all! in that case why not trace the fault all the way back to Adam and Eve?? Kids make choices on their own, they make mistakes and if they do not learn from mistakes then they should be given consequences...problem though...kids like that see consequences as an 'occupational hazard'. Often they have to experience a negative consequence on their own to 'get it' and it's hard to stand back and let that happen...believe me I know this.
Stop and consider, just for a moment, how their actions really, truly, impact you and do what you can to lessen that impact. For me it was the button pushing, I quit getting upset by what the girl said or did. It stopped almost overnight once she realized there was no impact. I do not get pulled into her messes so I cannot be her scapegoat...right? It's hard enough with kids to get them to take their responsibilities as it is...add a sociopath kid who is so entitled that the whole world has to pick up after them?? I really do feel for you.