I've taken someones advice on here and created a Behaviour Contract for my SS12. His 4 day grounding ended today so we sat him down and explained the new system we are putting in place.

He has a copy of the rules, punishment system and rewards. All our previous systems have failed but I think thats down to being to soft when it comes to grounding him.

Previously we would just confiscate his mobile phone and just stop him going out. Yet we still let him play on his xbox and watch tv etc, so really it was only kind of like being a rainy day and not really being punished. That all changes now..

From now on he receives a warning, if he continues to break the rules then he is grounded for 1 day without any privileges or treats, he has to carry out an extra chore as well. If he continues then that extends to 3 days with an extra chore per day, then a week. If he goes past the week then we decide a fitting extreme punishment like losing his mobile phone for good or another possession that he values greatly. Once the grounding is over he must write a letter to my DW and I apologising and explaining what he did wrong and why he shouldn't do it. I've felt in the past that he only apologises so that he can have something back or go somewhere. This is always a forced and resentful apology and is never convincing. So I figured being forced to end his grounding by having to actually have to sit down and put thought into a letter then he might actually think about and realise what he actually did wrong (plus he might get sick of writing letters).

If he doesn't receive a grounding for 2 weeks then he receives a reward. He can choose a film to go view at the cinema with the family or we will give him a gift or money. The value of the gift or money will depend on how many warnings he has received as well. If he receives one a day then it will only be about £5 but if he gets none then he may get about £20.

This reward system is new to our punishment so he might actually find it an incentive to wind his neck in a bit more often and actually pull his finger out and do as he is asked.

I will keep you posted about how he reacts and progresses with it.