Had a family meeting with SD15 and DH and counselor tonight. I tried hard not to roll my eyes. Counselor wanted to outline 'typical delression behavior" and give SD lots of room to be obnoxious. Shes not as bad as some of the horror stories i've read on here, BUT. But but but. I feel myself becomming more and more resentful that this is now my life. When we decided to move here, we came from a low place and were excited for a shiny new start.
We didnt get that. We got a shiny depressed kid instead. DH hates when i say things like "she's not my kid" or "shes yours" when we discuss things, but its how i feel! She isnt mine, and maybe i wouldnt resent the situation so much if all responsible parties took ownership in how we all came to be here!
Im so sick and sad for our little ones who have always taken a back seat to my husbands current needs. Work/skids/self-issues. Its his world, and we are all just prancing around in it.
Is it selfish of me to say these things? Yes! But this is my space to be selfish! I.dont.want.her.here.
That bothers me, because in the beginning, i was happy to help and get involved. No one had any idea it was as bad as it is. Except BM, actually. Its not a coincidence "BM" has another meaning. A stinky one, at that!
Im just so sad that we didnt get our clean start here. My own kids and choices and life is not the focus, and wont be for a very long time. If DH dint travel, it wouldnt be as stressful, but hes going to be gone for three weeks while im home dealing/managing/shuttlingonitoring her.
I want my life back! Where my biggest worry of the day was 'did my kis call someone a poopy head at school today". Not "did she get up & go to school? Did she hide sleeping pills to take later? Can i trust her? What is she teaching my kids?!"
I cant wait for break when she gets to go back to BM's for a whole week. A week of NORMAL! Heaven. Im crossing my fingers she begins doing well enough here to warrant a plea to move back to her mom's. its my only hope right now.
I dont know how much more my marriage can stand. Im rapidly approaching the end of my rope.