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Is divorce in my future??

Stepmom2.0's picture

Submitted by Stepmom2.0 on Wed, 01/16/2019 - 4:39pm

We've been fighting nonstop. I told Dh that I feel as though he's punishing me and he said that he's not out to punish me. He just wants his sons back and I'm looking for reasons to not want his sons around. I've never said anything of the sort. He becomes very defensive about his sons whenever they're brought up in a conversation.

I brought it to his attention that I don't want nor do I expect an apology from his sons but I do expect to be treated with basic respect. Then he gets more angry saying that his sons don't even talk bad about me- I call BS! Both of them hate me and I'm sure they do, just not to him. 

When  I brought up the option of us going to counselling; his response broke my heart. He said the last time we went to counselling, he was put in a postion were he had to choose between me and OSS and lost him for 6 years and YSS for 4. To him everything OSS went through was a direct response of that choice. He went on to say that given the chance if he could take it back, he would. He brought up the fact that OSS doesn't portray himself as victim. He smart, hes not asking Dh for money. His sons are just asking for his time and  I'm just looking for any reason to ban his sons from his life and he left.

We haven't been sleeping in the same bed. Heck we're barely speaking to eachother. 

I feel as thorugh he's developed resentment towards me and I don't know what to do

I don't want a divorce

 

 

Comments

Chmmy's picture

Submitted by Chmmy on Wed, 01/16/2019 - 4:59pm

I don't know your whole story but it sounds like you are the scapegoat and always will be.

I personally am preparing myself for divorce if my DH ever stops supporting me in favor of the skids. I wont live like that. They are spoiled entitled brats. Mom abandoned them & DH was a Disney dad. He now realizes the err of his Disney ways. The kids don't always respond well to it and of course it is my fault. DH supports me now but in the future what if one of the kids alienated themselves? I could be blamed for his bad parenting. I won't be the scapegoat. Id be better off divorced.

 

TX2step's picture

Submitted by TX2step on Wed, 01/16/2019 - 5:07pm

And given the opportunity to do it over again he would choose his kids over you. Yeah I would burn rubber outta there. This will not get better. He will always blame you, whatever the situation. Let him spend his time chasing after the man babies he values more than you. You can move on to peace and quiet and the possibility to find love again, just not with a man with kids.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Wed, 01/16/2019 - 5:12pm

Yeah, I don't know what there is to save here.  He feels resentful of you because somehow, in his mind, you caused his sons to hate him and not speak to him for years.  That somehow you "forced" him to choose you over them.

As hard as divorce is, staying in a marriage under these terms is not tenable. He's lost respect for you, fairly or not.

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Wed, 01/16/2019 - 5:22pm

You've been unhappy for so long, you've forgotten who you are.  Get out of this toxic situation and find happiness again.

 

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Wed, 01/16/2019 - 11:57pm

living with His DS.  Hope DS will be fulfilling all his needs.  There is nothing you can do. Time to start packing up His stuff 

fairyo's picture

Submitted by fairyo on Thu, 01/17/2019 - 3:12am

I'm so sorry. Just over a year ago this is what my then DH (The Ostrich) was doing to me. We had been sleeping apart ever since I challenged him on his treatment of me regarding his offspring. He took off to the spare room and we were never intimate again. I didn't want it to end, so I went to counselling and he came with me once or twice but it got us nowhere. 

He told me he wanted to leave me but had never left, I told him I loved him and wanted to make things better but he had become cold and inflexible. In the end I just got out- I didn't think I could but I did and now I'm free to do whatever I want.

I could never have imagined this time last year that I could do this, but once I left everything fell into place and now I wonder why I put up with that torture.

I don't know your circumstances but I cannot get over how so much better my life is now... you deserve to be in a good place too.

(((hugs))) and more (((hugs)))

StepUltimate's picture

Submitted by StepUltimate on Fri, 01/18/2019 - 9:28am

Fairyo, so glad to read your update. So happy for you and proud of you! I followed your blogs & was sad for you, but your sanity and sense of self-preservation prevailed.

Happy 2019 to you & all the courageous StepTalkers who keep putting one foot in front of the other and doing what has to be done, no matter how difficult.