Angry and Confused......
:? I'm new to this site, but I have read quite a few stories and it all sounds very familiar. I have been the custodial parent to my SD ever since she turned 1. She will be 10 this Tuesday. She goes to her BM 3 weekends a month and we rotate weeks during the summer. This summer has been extra taxing. My SD has always loved her BM and has really begged for her to pay more attention, which usually ends up with tears and heartache. I have tried to sympathize and realize that it doesn't mean that she loves me any less, but its very difficult to "be the mom" but have her longing for someone else to be there. This summer her BM has decided now is the time to start doing things with her. she took her on a trip with her family and to the beach a few times. Which is great, but because this is not typical behavior of BM it seamed to trump everything we did with her. She even showed up at school to take her "1st day of school picture". Of course she pulled her out her math class, ON THE SECOND DAY OF SCHOOL. Just so you understand she has NEVER been to the 1st day of school even kindergarten. My husband and I have had really bad experiences with BM in the past so we cant help but think "whats she up to?". I've done everything clothes, food, parties, getting up at midnight to hold hair as she throws up. So my question is why is she (BM) so great? What makes her #1 when she has done nothing to deserve it? I know its extremely selfish of me and I would never say this to SD, but I thought maybe someone out there would understand my plight. Thanks for listening.
- Stepmonster in Maine's blog
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((hugs)) Being custodial is
((hugs)) Being custodial is rough. And it's hard even with your own kids.
We are custodial to all of ours...step and bio. My husband's ex-wife and my bio kids' dad get to be the fun parents. Every time the kids visit the non-custodial parent, they go on awesome trips, out to eat, to the movies, .... on and on. The kids come back home and just have a normal life. We must seem really, really boring after the exciting weekends with the non-custodial parent.
To answer your question...What makes BM so "great" is that she is the Disneyland Mama. She doesn't do the everyday down-in-the-trenches parenting that you do. And since your SD doesn't live with her, it's easy for her to romanticize the life she would have if she did.
Here's the good news...my kids are 21 (BS), 17 (SS), 16 (BD), 14 (SD) and 9 (ours together). As the kids got older, they figured stuff out. They still love their biological parents, as they should. But they know that my DH and I are the ones who did the real work. My oldest sent my DH (his stepdad) a beautiful letter several years ago thanking him for everything he did to "make him into a good man". He sent the letter from Iraq while he was deployed with his Guard Unit. I can't tell you how much that meant to my DH. I am the one my stepkids come to when they need advise. My DH is the one the kids turn to when they are scared, lonely, sad, confused, .....
Your SD knows that while her mother may have given birth to her, you are the "mama". She just can't say it yet.
Thank you... My husband says
Thank you... My husband says that to me as well but sometimes it helps to hear it from someone you don't know. I know what I do is because I love her and want the best for her, so its nice to hear that someday she recognize it. I'm sure she does in her own way already.