So if it wasn't done for ss, then it cant be done for BD? WTF!
So my BD is turning 1 in two weeks, an I want to throw a small party/get toghether with family and friends. I talked to dh about my plans, buying a cake, balloons, gifts etc and he catches a bad attitude. Dh just gave me a nonchalant I don't give a fuck attitude, saying "my son didnt have a party when he was one" ! Are u fucking serious! MAYBE it's because your exwife is a loser and a deadbeat that wouldn't consider doing anything like that. Why should our daughter suffer because her half brother has a bad mom. His attitude really pissed me off! Why should I or dh feel guilty about doing anything for BD. Dh wants his kids to have exactly the same things, but that's not reality! Your kids have different moms! I can't help that he wasn't read to or put in little league, or missed out on having birthday parties. And my daughter is not going to suffer. I'm going all out for her bday too! I don't even care if DH and his son shows up! And when I think about it, even if I did throw a b-day party for ss when he was 1-4 years old who would I invite? He has no family on his BM side and MY family really has no connection with him.
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SS won't know he never had a
SS won't know he never had a birthday party, no jealousy issues there unless dad makes one.
Go for it.
That's just weird and unfair.
That's just weird and unfair. Why should your daughter be penalized because his son never got a birthday party when he turned 1? Why should you be made to feel bad because you are different in your decisions with your children from his ex wife? I throw ALL my kids bday parties and SO has never made me feel guilty about it, matter of fact he helps to plan them and get's excited to be a part of them. We do NOT have parties for skids because he only has them every other weekend and they don't really have any friends here. SO has NEVER even asked me to throw his kids a bday party and I KNOW their mother does not have parties for them either. I honestly don't think they've had a party ever, that's sort of sad but they don't make a big deal about it either, most likely because they don't know what they are missing. I do however make sure that their birthday is celebrated, they always get a cake and a gift and they are thrilled with just that.
It's hard on me because ss5
It's hard on me because ss5 is with ME full time and my family really dosent look at him as my son. So when my family plans stuff for BD, ss really isn't even thought about. Sad but true
Maybe I'm out of line here,
Maybe I'm out of line here, but why can't you also plan a birthday party for SS and invite your family? After all, SS is now part of your family, which makes him part of their family as well, as much a part of your family as your DH is. Would your family consider a child you adopted to be not really your child? I dealt with this issue with my ex's family, they just didn't look at my oldest BS as a part of their family, going so far as to not send Christmas presents for him, and it really hurt him when they sent presents to his half-brothers. No amount of comments would change that, and it was a difficult issue for him to get over. Having seen this happen, I'm very sensitive about it with fDH's and his family, and I don't hesitate to speak up on this issue.
Maybe DH would feel better if you told him you can't change SS's past, but you can make sure to plan a birthday celebration for his next birthday. Even if it's only family friends, it will be closer to fair for the kid.
I'm upset for you. The main
I'm upset for you. The main reason my DH and I had our own children was so that we could raise children properly. I agree with all the other posters, do it anyway. Just cause he doesn't want to provide for his kid doesn't mean you shouldn't.
Even full sibs in intact
Even full sibs in intact initial families are not treated exactly the same. Why would any parent treat two different children exactly the same? They shouldn't. IMO.
In the case of older children it is highly likely that the marrital resources are not as notable early in a marriage. For later children it is likely that the resources of the family are more significant. Why should't a younger child get the benefit of the resources of the family? The older child(ren) will get those benefits also in an age appropriate manner.
I agree with the "do it anyway" perspective. Your DH needs to take off his panties and put on some man pants, be a man, and raise his children to the best of his ability and resources. Those abilities and resources will change over time and should be used accordingly.
IMHO of course.
Do the party and do it BIG!.
Do the party and do it BIG!. This is your child and her 1st BD. She should not have to suffer because BM did not think to have a BD party for her child. That's her problem. DH sounds like he feels guilty but he has to get over that.