So, the past month has been really terrible. And I just had a confrontation with my husband that upset me so much that I am shaking.

My oldest SS attacked my husband last month, and ended up being handcuffed and taken to a behavioral center for a week. He has been staying with his mother since that happened and hasn't darkened our doorstep during that time. Until a couple of days ago. 

The custody order was revised so that oldest SS now resides with his mother and youngest SS resides with us. Oldest SS is now on her lease that he lives with her. My husband signed the revised custody paperwork Monday. I was so relieved. Until oldest SS texted my husband on Monday and asked if it was OK if he stayed with us that night. Very strange since he didn't have any interest in being around his dad or me since then. And if I even act like I disapprove,my husband flies off the handle. So he stayed with us Monday night. I thought he wouldn't be back since he took his antipsychotic medication with him Tuesday morning when he left for school. However, I get a text at work Tuesday afternoon from my husband that oldest SS wants to stay with us AGAIN and watch movies together. WTF? That kid has never ever suggested anything like that. So he was with us once again. Youngest SS stayed at his mom's last night, but called my husband around 11 p.m. scared because someone was banging on his mom's door and wouldn't leave. So my husband went to get him. They never found out who was knocking on the door that late, but my guess is it was someone looking for oldest SS. He probably pissed the wrong person off and that's the reason he is at our house. I bet he's hiding from someone.

Right before lunch today, I was at my desk at work and my doorbell camera went off. I was able to see it through my phone. Two people with id tags were standing at my door. I texted my husband and asked who it was. He said it was social services. I have never dealt with social services before and it makes me very nervous that these people were knocking on my door. They were there to talk to my husband. about oldest SS.  When I got home at lunch and expressed my concern about this, he started yelling at me. He started slamming silverware down and cursing at me and saying that he's sick of everything and that he would just move out. It was very threatening and I was scared.  It was like he was punishing me for expressing my concern and being worried. And if I dare say anything about precious oldest SS, then he's threatening moving out and leaving me. 

I am shaking so hard and cried all the way back to work and felt like I was going to vomit. I feel like maybe it would be best if we ended things. My husband has major anger issues and if something is bothering me and I try to talk to him about it, I am either given the silent treatment or he's yelling at me and threatening to leave. 

I am at the point where I am just numb to this treatment. For a while I thought I would try to stick it out with him and try to make things work. But  don't think he cares about me at all. I am never allowed to express my feelings. I cannot tolerate being treated like this and made to feel like I am the bad guy for trying to talk to him about something that is bothering me. I think I know what I need to do.