EVERYTHING does not require discussion
So. Every time my bios get in a fight, DH has no problem whatsoever telling them to knock it off and taking away whatever they were fighting over. The end. But if it's HIS kids, he thinks it's a much better idea to sit them down for like half an hour and discuss what led up to the fight, what feelings are involved, why the fight happened, what can be done to avoid the situation next time, ad nauseum.
Not that this is a terrible way to go about it. But it irritates me that he only does it with his kids. It comes off like he thinks my kids are animals who can't be reasoned with, but since his kids are so much smarter and more mature than my kids, they can be taught these important problem solving skills. :sick:
My bios are 8 and 7. His are 10 and 8. We are talking about kids in the same age group, with similar interests, who play together all the time. It is driving me crazy that he finds his kids to be so much more reasonable than mine, when in fact the exact opposite is true. I have tried to say something to him about it, but I always feel like I'm whining and I just end up dropping it.
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It's weird to say, but my
It's weird to say, but my kids are fine with his method of discipline. It's exactly what I would do in the situation: I'd just tell them to stop it and remove them from the situation. I don't see the point of all the discussion, I guess, since kids are just kids.
I think the "this is what you
I think the "this is what you did wrong these are the consequences" 30 second conversation is much more effective and many of the parenting books agree. Kids tune you out after about that long anyway. My SO would spend an hour discussing behavior problems with his 14 yoa son & would get pissed because the kid wasn't paying attention or wouldn't agree w/SO about what he did wrong. I told him I would tune out too after someone lecturing me for 30 minutes straight & the kid doesn't have to agree with you he just needs to know it's a problem & what's going to happen if it happens again. SO has been trying it my way & has been happy with the results, no more long drawn out emotional outbursts or arguing from the kid, he knows it's pointless! Frankly if I was your kids I would prefer to not have to partake in the long convo's....get it over with! As far as him thinking his kids are more rational I guess that's probably just a parental bias or maybe he feels it's his job to lecture his kids & your job to lecture yours & doesn't feel comfortable "parenting" your kids beyond putting a stop to the immediate behavior....