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Bedroom logistics

Struggling1981's picture

So I have 3 bios 13(f) 12 (m) and 9(m) 9yo has autism and is at special school so needs lots of extra support in lots of ways . Ss(17 almost) has mild asd. Now , we have a 4 bed house so at the moment dd has a room ds x2 share my room and SS has own room for one night per week. Bedtime is becoming an issue in the week when SS isn't here as ds12 has homework etc and ds 9 is in a routine of 8pm in bed the older ones now I'm saying 9pm homework then relax without tech then bed . It would be so much easier if ds had own rooms and then just used the pull out bed at weekends and shared the one night Ss is here as its not a school night and it would be a novelty probably like movie night or whatever HOWEVER  SS is not willing to give up his bedroom and let ds use it for the 6 nights he expects his empty bedroom to go unused 6 nights a week he takes all his stuff him with him as he is terrified someone else would even touch his precious bag containing all the cans of coke he stashed and candy !( from BM she won't quit even tho he has significant tooth decay and no enamel )

Dh hasn't said much but then his backbone is eroding anyway so should I stuck from and switch them ? Ss will probably make a big deal out of it and play the I don't wanna come card as per usual but I don't give a c#$P !

IN OTHER NEWS      Weekend went ok apart from SS searching through my drawers and cupboards for soda and candy ( I hide myself diet coke I'm on slimming world it's my treat thing and he knows it so he searches when im in the shower) sat drinking it grinning boy if that was ds or dd is have whooped their backside. Also doing a running commentary via text to BM ! Refused to shower shave and anything else but I've disagaged so he can stink for all I care. And I refused to change his sheets and told him there's no point as he doesn't shower so it's a false economy .

Ss did agree to let me tell him with homework at the request of Oh so I did him along with the other kids and he wasnt rude but then he knows he has a test and its Macbeth so he had little option as BM is not bothered.

Again refused to move the 12 cans from under his bed I'm letting them accumulate then dh can see the extent of the addiction to soda, he had toothache all weekend I looked and the teeth are eroded now i advised no soda but Ss said yeah right so as usual disengaged and said carry on then!!! Oh tried to tell BM but she wasn't bothered just slammed the door when he dropped off so not my circus not my monkey. I will end up with a toothless rude Ss before summer!!! 

Rant over phewww feel so much better now !!! As always the group has given me the confidence to be upfront and honest with DH and state my position. 

This site saves sanity!!!!

Comments

tog redux's picture

Yes, move your sons (I assume they are there full-time, or at least more than SS is?) into their own rooms and have them bunk together when SS comes over.  Buy SS a locking cabinet for his treats. 

That's the logical thing.  Will DH pitch a fit if his precious boy doesn't have his own room 4 days a month?

Struggling1981's picture

He will probably not be that bothered until SS chimes up and starts the manipulation but then I will say the only reason that boy wants his own room even when he's not here is because he wants to rule the roost and he is NOT! I've repeatedly asked DH to tell BM she isn't to send him with 2 rucksack full of rubbish particularly in light of the fact SS is epileptic and has rotten teeth but alas she won't stop so I just think carry on then ! My kids know the rules about treats they're treats not a staple diet and that's that but the annoyance was the searching through my wardrobes in my room because his supply ran out!!!! I'm gonna switch and see what happens because it's sensible and I can justify it thanks for the reply I will update ! 

tog redux's picture

SS is 16, he's likely going to stop coming over for a night a week sooner or later, it's not like he's going to do it forever.  DH can't live in fear of that (though it sounds like he does).  

justmakingthebest's picture

I agree with Tog. 

Older BS and SS get bunks. SS can have a cabinet or something else that he can lock. It does not make sense that a child with a lot of special needs would share a room with non special needs brother. 

It is one night a week. SS can suck it up. Plus, like Tog also said, he is 17- he HOPEFULLY isn't going to be doing overnights much longer as it is. 
 

Struggling1981's picture

I hope so !!! His father is having his b%^&s squeezed by the kid holding the I won't come axe over his head.!  I wish he would call his bluff one time and say ok fine then !!

Struggling1981's picture

Tell me about it!!! I can see his manlihood shrivelling before my eyes!!! I love him dearly but he needs some cahonas with this skid !  Its absent father guilt syndrome which makes no sense seem as BM had the affair that caused their divorce back in the day !!! She hated me on sight we were never going to get along ! I have adult kids 20 and 21 and I have never let them emotionally blackmail me and there have been tough times where I've said my way or the high way and they've gone along that highway and soon come running back !!! Hee needs to call that skids bluff and assert some dominance or assertiveness or whatever just man up!!!!!!!!

Harry's picture

Move the kids into bedrooms that is easyer for you.  It's stupid to cater to SS who is only there maybe one night a week. 
get him a locked clothing box. So he can lock up his valuable  belonging  ??  

Struggling1981's picture

I agree totally however I'm not even providing him a locked box he is the only thief so his stuff will be ok he is scared he won't be able to sit in bed and chug coke and text toxic BM with a running commentary!! Ooooooo I always get annoyed when I think of him being scared people will steal his soda when it's him that rifles through my bedroom when I'm.in the shower!!! I'm gonna put some cans there and shake them up real hard just before getting in the shower and see what happens!!!!

Monkeysee's picture

Why is SS calling the shots here? I agree with the others, get SS a locked cabinet (and get one for yourself, along with a lock for your bedroom door so that little thief stays out of your things), bunk beds for your boys, and move one of them into SS’s room. Keeping a bedroom empty for someone who’s rarely there makes no sense. Giving a child control over this decision when they contribute zero financially makes even less sense. 

tog redux's picture

Or if it makes Daddeee happier - let your boys bunk together so SS can have his own room for 4 nights a month.

Monkeysee's picture

Oh yes, so important that daddee and SS are happy. Who cares about anyone else in the house!

Struggling1981's picture

I'll Get twin beds for the pair.of them if he doesn't get a backbone and they can stop in there together!!!! I'll put some disney posters up hahahaj 

Struggling1981's picture

Exactly !!! Well it's getting done tomorrow I don't give a rats a#$ if they're happy or not !! This kid is spoiled and rude and I'm.sick to death of him!! If daddddyyo doesn't like it he could always rent a small apartment for 4 nights a month hahaha

ESMOD's picture

If I were you, I might consider a system whereby you could lock the closet so your son's stuff would be safe from SS as well.. He can grab what he needs the day that SS comes.. his stuff is locked up and SS can bunk in there.