OT My SIL has pics of my DS on her FB page and DH is in big trouble
Ok seems innocent enough except for the fact that my DS is 3 and has never seen this woman in his life. My SIL is not a part of our lives and hasn't been for over 5 years now. DH & I had to disengage from her because she was just crazy. One day it was all peace and niceness and the next it was I was keeping her brother from her because I wouldn't let her hang all over him. So we were friends on FB and then I unfriended her because I was just tired of her repsonses that I was ungrateful for my children and had no idea how lucky I was. Well I woke up this morning to a friend request from her and I accepted it - not sure why but glad I did. Well up her page pops and there is a picture of my son getting his first haircut. The only way she could have gotten this picture is from my husband who is in a world of trouble right now with me.
We agreed that he would not send pics to her or his mother since we no longer associate with them but apparently that's not the case. Please note that I told DH he could have a relationship with them if he wanted but untile there was some type of reconciliation that he was not to share anything about me or our children with them. Neither have seen our DS who is 3 and our DD who is 12 weeks old. The picture is not one that is posted anywhere online so she had to have gotten it from DH.
Can I just email FB and ask it to be removed?
How do I bring this up to DH witout just exploding? I know it may seem like a little thing but my SIL & MIL did everything in their power to break DH & I up and destroy DH's relationship with the skids.
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Unfortunately that's his
Unfortunately that's his family, his kids and his decision. I would let it go. He has every right to communicate with them and share pics even if they aren't involved in your lives on a daily basis. I understand you're upset but we don't exactly single handedly OWN our kids.
Luv them all and overit - I
Luv them all and overit - I think you're missing the point. OP said the two of them agreed no pictures would be sent. Then her DH sent them anyway.
That's not her unilaterally deciding, or owning, or anything like that. That's the two of them making an agreement, and DH breaking it.
Perhaps I have a unique perspective on this because I have family that I don't see. It's a stressful situation. It's not a happy decision to disengage from family. A couple needs to be united in this decision, if it's what has to be done.
In my case we don't see the majority of my family. When we got pregnant (later miscarried), we had to decide whether or not to tell them about the baby. It became a moot point. My opinion was that we shouldn't, since they didn't show any interest in SS at the time, and I was custodial to him. For me, that was my son, and they didn't care about him - so why give them a crack at my bio-child. SO was more levelheaded and encouraged me to give them a chance.
The point is, in a difficult situation, you discuss what you're going to do until you come up with something you both can live with. Then you HONOR that decision.
Her DH didn't.
SusiQ - if I were in your shoes, I'd consider whether I felt like enough time had passed to adjust the boundaries with the in-laws. It looks like your DH wants to, even though he didn't tell you up front, and he should have. It's not easy. Give it a lot of thought and figure out what's right for you. With DH, try to make him see that his going back on your agreement is a big problem, so whatever you decide together this time, he needs to stick to.
Good luck...
L
Hate to disappoint you but
Hate to disappoint you but that's not how the conversation went - It was actually DH saying I'm done with them after the last incident of SIL standing in front of our home screaming at me because I wouldn't hold her hand. My MIL went by the way side for the final time when she tried to force her way into ICU to see my husband have being asked to not come to the hospital so we could talk to the doctor and get home and he would call her then.
There had been numerous attempts at making the peace with these 2 and each time it just got uglier and uglier.
Then he shouldn't have agreed
Then he shouldn't have agreed to it. And if he decided that was what he wanted to do, he should have discussed it with his wife FIRST.
He is wrong, plain and simple. But I am of the frame of thought that honesty is important. It seems you don't feel that is important, so maybe that is why I find it difficult, if not impossible, to understand your point of view on this.
If you think it's fine that a
If you think it's fine that a couple makes an agreement and then one of them reneges on it - for ANY reason - and that's just fine, well then we do disagree.
Why do you assume that he didn't tell her because of some fault of *hers* rather than some fault of *his*? That looks like a bias coming into the situation.
You're saying that his reneging on their agreement indicates a problem with *her*, because of your *own* position that the agreement itself was unreasonable. However, that's really not your business, nor the point. They agreed. That's a fact. Whether you think he should or shouldn't have agreed, he did agree. Now he should honor the agreement.
Conjecture about the possible circumstances of the agreement based on your own opinion don't excuse his going back on his word.
Also, having no contact with family is not the same as proactively terminating contact with them. If you haven't done that, then you're not in this situation.
L
LizGrace, you explained that
LizGrace, you explained that very well.
True, we only have OP's
True, we only have OP's version. And the point of the board is to give feedback to what's posted, not to question the integrity of the poster (absent serious prior issues with said poster, which I personally haven't seen with SusiQ).
OP said there was an agreement.
You said: "Personally, I think it's a little unfair of you to demand he keep his kids a "secret" from his family." That looks like you're saying you think it's unreasonable.
You're also assuming DH "didn't feel comfortable." It could be any number of things - he didn't check his privacy settings and doesn't know she has it, for example. Or he forgot. I've known men to forget worse. The fact is that most men are not great communicators and wouldn't proactively seek out that discussion. The fact that OP's DH didn't seek it out with her does *not* indicate a problem with OP or with their relationship. On the contrary, that's pretty standard male - and hell, female - behavior.
If he did do it deliberately and didn't tell her, all it really indicates is that they may feel differently at this point - even if they *did* agree previously - and they should probably talk. That's why I said what I said to OP in my earlier response.
Same message - "you should probably talk to DH" - coming from you and from me. However mine didn't contain any judgment of OP. (shrug)
L
I agree with StepAside that
I agree with StepAside that letting her know you are upset about the photo would only fuel the fire - and no good is coming from being friends on FB. Because you and DH had an agreement I would ask what happened to it? I would be pissed off too but hopefully this will be a one time event. As far as getting this picture down - I have no idea if you can contact FB about it or not. Good luck!
I agree with aggravated!
I agree with aggravated!
Crazy question though-wasn't
Crazy question though-wasn't it renegging or going back on the agreement to accept the FB request from the SIL w/out consulting her husband first also?
So both adults acted on their own volition right?
Hmmm - good point! L
Hmmm - good point!
L
so are you SURE that your DH
so are you SURE that your DH sent them these pictures?? You do know that people can see pictures on other's FB pages and then post them to their own page.... could she have done something like that? I'm just asking before you get on DH for doing something that he may not have done.
SusiQ said in her post: “The
SusiQ said in her post:
“The picture is not one that is posted anywhere online so she had to have gotten it from DH.”
SIL had no right to post a picture of your son on her FB page even if it was copped from elsewhere. She was just cocking a snook at ya. IF SIL is serious about reestablishing a relationship with you, that is not the way to go. What a violation of trust!!
Just contact Facebook and
Just contact Facebook and they will remove it. Very easy to do. I have done it twice with SD.