I don't think it's fair to a stepchild to force them to call their stepparent "Mom" or "Dad."

Look at it this way. How would you feel if BM was forcing SD to call her partner "Daddy," regardless of whether she had kids with him or not?

I do not have any kids of my own, but as someone who grew up with stepsiblings, I can only imagine the uproar and confusion that my stepdad would have created if he walked around our house calling my Mom "Mom" in a way that implied that he wanted his kids to call her that too.

My skids call me kidsaplenty mostly but will occasionally call me Mom, usually more like if they, in the company of my bkid are calling for me then Mom will then trump the kidsaplenty. My dh always calls me Mom around the house, because in this house I am Mom to the kids (mine) and again there are often a group of them including mine so he will revert to 'go ask Mom if she is ready to go' rather then 'go ask kidsaplenty and Mom if she is ready to go'. I have no problem with my kids not calling my Mom, I am not their Mom and don't wish to be. It did not affect my younger child calling me Mom and all, he did not try to call me by my first name because the steps do.

Thetis, i went through this about 3 months ago.....my own son turned around and called me by my first name cause that is what my skids use. My husband turned quickly and said, its Mommy!!!! You will call her mommy. Now he's still too young to ask why. But he will be told.
Dont worry about your sd. dont insist on her calling you mom cause you are worried about your own calling you that. YOU can correct your own child on what they call you and explain why. Your sd is being taught by grandparents not to which i personally think is wrong, but its wrong on your part to ask sd to call you mom because a. your child b. because she did once and wants to....
By you asking , you are placing the child in a struggle position. Not fair to the child. Ask nothing of her and let her make up her own mind and you tend to your own child when the need arises about the name titles.
My son asks me now where is skids, why are they not here. I tell him. They are with their mommy and do not live here. they come to visit.
He's confused, yes, but he has an explaination to chew on, has something instead of being in the dark.
Yes, it suck she is not being 'allowed' but as she gets older she's decide.
As for your child, you will raise your child, you will mold them, they will abide by what you say , not by what sd says.

I always went against the grain. I always spoke my mind and still do. I dont care the rest like or not. If i dont like something. I say it regardless of someone elses disapproval of it.
BY you asking your dh to tell his daughter to call you mom is not right. Father will place his daughter in an awkward position and you asking him places him in an awkward position.
You ask becasue you are mainly concerned over what your child will call you. htey will call you mom or mother because you aer their mother and no one or thing can change that. Dont let a stepfamily cause insecurities fo ryour own title with your own child. Your child will call you mom. And if you sd calls you by thetis, then so be it. It obviously ruffles grandma's feathers for u to have that title based on her beliefs its wrong and she wants to teach her granddaughter that. That issue is for your husbnad to discuss withher , not you.
ANd asking your dh for his daugher to call you mom or stepmom to make her comfortable to make the decision? The only thing that will make her feel comfortable to make the decision, is to say nothing and let her decide when where and what she will call you.
You are very uncomfortable about the title. It bothers you because grandma has interfered yes? Then your dh should speak with grandma and tell her to stop what she is doing. But i still think you should let the child decide onher own which means no interference from any you. You and grandma.

I think most of you have misread what Thetid wrote. She isn't asking DH to have SD call her mom around the house she is wanting DH to call her mom. Which I believe most parents do when they have little ones. Most parents don't want their bio kids calling them by their first name so they call each other dad and mom. My DH will call me mom whenever our little one gets here. And I personally don't think it is wrong her her to suggest to her DH that he call her mom when talking to her. Now when he tells SD to ask Thetis or refers to Thetis he can still use her name but in general there is no problem calling her mom.

"Her kids call her husband "Dad" even though he's their step father"

Well isn't she calling the kettle black eh? Grandma sounds like a piece of work eh?
Yes, i hold honesty to a high degree in my life. But i will hold back some honestly if i truely see a person can get hurt by it...then i hold back somewhat. I've been known to be very blunt.
Ah...i see now what you mean by dh calling you mom...ok...
My dh does that alot, he gives me the title mom inthehouse alot and other times its just angel for his kids...
Dont worry, she will make up her mind but your dh must tell grandma to STUFF IT!!!! She is the one who will confuse the child.
Does grandma have anythign against you personally? i find it very hypocritical for her kids to call her husband dad when he's the stepfather and yet she is teachign granddaughter to not call you mom....

oh its not your husband mom but bm's mom. TELL HER TO STUFF IT!
I would get your dh to tell her in writing that is she continues to CONFUSE and INTERFERE with your household to the detriment of granddaughter, then all visitation and contact will cease.
Your sd should not have to deal with an backlashing from bm or grandma. DISGUSTING! Now i understand where your feelings stem from.
In this case, i think your dh should constantly remind his daughter that grandma rules do not apply in this house. I did this with my stepkids. I clearly told them myself. This is not your mom's house and her rules are not mine. Your dad and i roost this nest, our guidlines you follow.
She's young your sd. Just teach her that in your household she doesn't have to fear what bm and grandma want. What happends at your house, stays in yoru house. She doesn't have to fear what she says.

My SD has always lived with DH and I going on 9 years now. She always called me by my first name, 4 years ago the boys came along. For about the last year slowly and now more regularly calls me mommmy. I was worried about the same thing too when I was pregnant but the reverse happened, it was never pushed DH says go ask mom or refers to me as mom when talking to the boys and still uses my first name when telling SD to go get me, ask me something etc. it is totally on her own. I have never had an issue with the boys calling me by my first name when SD does and if they did we would simply say "that is your mom". DH and I raised her, I also have always done all the school stuff, extra cirricular stuff etc, etc, etc. her entire life but we never made it an issue and it never was. GL!

I too raise my ss, I came into his life before he was 2 years old and now he is almost 6. My DH and I have adopted a little girl who is 5 and now she calls me mom. My ss has always called me by my first name and I have never made an issue out of it either, he has called me mommy a few times and then laughs about it, he told me that his mommy told him he is not to call me mommy and that I am not his mom. I told him I am his stepmom and at our house he can call me whatever he wants, he only sees his mom 5 times a month and if he wants to call me mom because our daughter does then that is fine with me. We are also expecting our first child together and I have no worries that my baby will call me mommy and my husband will say go ask mom, but if my ss asks DH something he will say go ask...., I feel like shadyfeline, I think ss will call me mom more once my baby comes because then 2 children will be calling me mom and I think my ss will want to call me mom because he lives with us and not his BM. He asked me once if he could call me mom and I told him yes, I am not going to tell him no, but I would never ask him to call me mom, his BM is crazy and she has finally relaxed a little after 4 years and we won in court, but if he tells her he is calling me mom she would freak but if he does it on his own then my DH will tell BM where to go, because ss wants to call me mom. After all I am his mom 25 days out of the month, I do everything for him and love him as if he were my own:)

In our household, step kids called step parent by first name and bio parent by "mom" or "dad". No confusion. Is the way it should be, imo.

Well, my SS7 has 'slipped' and called me mommy a couple times--usually when he needs help with something. DH notices it and LOVES hearing his son call me mommy. If Ched calls me Mommy, I just answer him like a mommy would and I don't correct him.

I do remind him that even though I'm not HIS mommy, I am still A Mommy, to my 2 daughters. I still believe he hasn't grasped that concept yet. My 2 daughters call me mom, and they call my DH by his first name. They are both adults.

Whenever my SS calls his dad by his first name, I am quick to correct him, by letting him know it's disrespectful to call his father by not calling him daddy. I think it's just the way DH and I were brought up about respecting adults, and not addressing them by their first names, always "Mr. or Mrs" so'n'so.

Now when DH was married to Ched's BM, ALL of her children called him daddy, even though he wasn't their father. He wanted to adopt them, but BM refused to let that happen. Of course the bitch of it all is even though she denied him from adopting her 3 daughters, she still expects him to finance them. He DOES remind her that the child support he pays is NOT for her 3 daughters, but for ONLY their one child--my SS, Ched. Then she gets pissy because she knows he's not budging on shelling out any extra $$.

Just a never ending battle, I tell ya.

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~