Twenty years ago this day, I foolishly allowed Chef's size 10 workboots to cross my threshold. 
 

idk why but this gave me a chuckle

This is the guy that 20 yrs ago expressed his undying love for me.  He brought nothing but massive baggage, poverty and extreme guilty daddeeeee syndrome.   Possibly one of the biggest bait and switch manuevers of all time.

Most Disneyland dads / single dads WILL bait and switch

If they came right out and said .....

"I got baggage, clingy kids from another woman, 1/3 of my check will be going into said woman's household, that woman will control our schedule/make our lives hell/claims my testicles, my kids will hate you and use me as an ATM, I'll be too tired and drained from catering to them that I won't have energy to help you around the house, I can't help you/your family/or kids we create together because my balls and wallet belong to my ex wife those kids I have with her; if we have kids together you'll most likely be a married single mom and once I "lock you in" you'll spend the rest of your life expending energy engaged in my sh*tshow whether you enjoy it or not, you've now been promoted to ELITE employee which means you agree to be my free nanny/maid/therapist/chef/chauffer/p0rn star/host/etc and if you complain about anything that means you hate my kids you evil kid hater" .... no one in their right mind would deal with them
 

They think that once you love them .... you gone love their kids, ex wive, and whatever other baggage they're carrying
 

The Disneyland dad I used to deal with - when I first met him - bragged about how he barely paid child support and would only had his kids part time because his ex was leaving town and taking her feral spawns with her
 

Had I known he was a full time custody type of dude with a lazy broke toxic ex wife and lazy codependent maladjusted no-home-training kids I never would have dealt with him for more than just a friend or whatever 

Total bait n switch 

My bad .... happy anniversary? ... for the good times, that made it last....

They play the bait and switch, sadly soooooo many fail to pull the plug when they are a target of the bait and switch.

I was one who didn't and likely would not have for quite some time.  Fortunately my cavern crotched skank whore of an XW was more committed to her libido than to keeping me in naive bondage to a concept that she was never in on one bit.

As much as I detest her, I detest who I was far more and even more than that I detest who I let myself become through all of that. 

The most important day for the rest of my life was when my incredible therapist fired me with "If anyone had told me that the defeated sullen man who walked into my office 10mos ago was this dynamic energetic young man with a childlike zest for life in my office now I would have called them crazy.  You can continue to come to therapy but it is time for you get on with living your life."

Never again would I remain in a relationionship with someone who does not earn a place in my life by investing as much and with as much quality as I invest in that relationship.

It breaks my heart that so many do.

Happy Anniversary thinkthrice.  I hope that there is joy and good stuff that makes Chef's issues worth it.

We were foolish not see it when it was right in front of us.  They are too stupid to play bait and switch but are playing keep everyone happy.  Keeping the kids happy, keeping the ex happy, keeping you happy. Or known as the house of cards.  And we all know what happens when the first wind comes along.. 

Unfortunately you can't keep everyone happy when everyone blames you for everyone failed.  Because of the divorce money is tight so kids can't get name clothing, new iPhone, computer system. 200 inch Tv.   The ex can't support there SO. the way they want to be supported. No vacation to Bora Bora.  You as the SO are help paying for all of this getting no thanks  at all   You buy them a new car and it's your fault it's not the gold car  as in you can't win.  

I'd like to smack Chef upside the head for you sometimes. You seem sad lately re. your  marriage and I've been wondering how you're doing. Everything you've put up with and do for him and the business... all the hard work... he really should treat you better. (We ALL should be treated better actually). I hope you're focusing on you and what you need. 

And no celebration, no nothing. He got his dream car, I got a little gold heart.

Im just floored Chef is like that after 20 years you should have gotten a medal.

Chef sounds like a NARC who love bombed you until he got his foot in the door.