Okay...last week we had an issue with the BM(suprise suprise) We have 50/50 custody of my two SD's 11 & 13 so during the week tuesdays and wednesdays are our days to have the girls. I haven't written alot of posts so many of you may not be familiar with my situation. I've lived with DH for almost six years-and all during that time have acted as a stepmom to the girls-we've been married for almost 3 yrs. Most of our issues are in the past and my relationship with the girls is great-and I just let DH handle anything that comes up with BM because we find it easier to ignore each others existence than to communicate with each other.
Well the deal is my YSD 11, has always been comfortable asking me for whatever she needs, or permission for whatever she wants to do. As long as what she wants to do isn't putting her in danger than I usually say yes, well their last day of school was this past friday and because my last day isn't until next friday(I work at a school) and my DH had to go do his payroll, he's in sales so his hours always vary, and the BM was also working, she asked if she could walk to our house-it was our weekend-with a friend and seeing as though we live about the equivalent of 6 blocks away from the school and she wouldn't have to cross the highway I said yes and reminded her about the importance of being extra careful when crossing streets-keep in mind she'll be 12 in a couple months and we live in a small rural town with population around 6,000 people- so that was settled.
On Wednesday afternoon I hear her talking on the phone and when she hangs up she says to her sister, "I hate mom, she never lets me do anything anymore" I asked her what it is she wanted to do, thinking it must be something she wants to do while she's at her moms house, She says she won't let her walk to her friends, then I realized she meant right then, I asked my SD why in the world was she calling her mom to ask her that when she was at our house(she doesn't normally do that?) she didn't really answer and then walked outside.
I told my DH about the situation and he said he would handle it-so later he talked to her and told her when she's at our house she follows our house rules and that there are only one of two people she needs to ask to do things. He told me she understood and was glad that we trusted her because she feels like BM doesn't trust her even though she hasn't done anything wrong, (which is true, she's a good kid, and always let's me know where she is and who she's with by way of her cell phone.)
So when DH and I are discussing this later he tells me that SD told him that when she told her BM she was walking home from school on Friday, BM threaten to ground her if she did!!! Of course he told her that if that ever happens no matter whose house she at to call him and he would take care of it.

Now how can any parent think it's fair to punish their kid for doing something the other parent gave them permission to do while they were in the custody of the other parent-even if it was an empty threat- I think that was totally ridiculous and so does my DH.
...and that is why I think she called BM to ask permission to walk to her friends for fear that if she didn't and it got back to her she might get grounded.
My DH said that SD understands what he said to her and that she knows he's got her back in these situations-which means if that ever happened he'd go off on BM- so hopefully we won't have this situation again, but when I think about it it pisses me off so bad!
My SD should not have to be afraid of doing the things we give her permission to do and if the BM has a problem with it she needs to call their father not threaten her child, a child who has done nothing wrong!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!