Couple weeks ago bfs mom was planning on having dinner, I had class and so I wasn't going to be able to go. Day comes everyones excited to go to Grandmas, she texts me and says that after work she is going to get bfs daughter 40 mins away so she can come and see her siblings, and my two are welcome to come as well. She just wanted to see if that was alright with me. 

I was PIST! to say the least. She hasn't seen our kids in almost 2 months and the opportunity she reaches out to do so she has to include the other girl because that is whats important right!? 

I texted her back and let her know that the kids would not be joining her for supper, I'd appreciate it if she respected OUR wishes regarding the matter and if she had such an opinion of the situation I ask that she take it up with HCBM and try and help her son in getting the kid some help.  No response.. not suprised. 

But she ended up taking the 40 min drive over to the kid anyway because she knew she was coming so she couldn't upset her. 

The next morning he tried calling his daughter before school because thats what he normally does or attempts and hcbm flat out told him no, she wasn't going to allow him to talk to her and she didn't until his next visitation which was 2 weeks later. 

Mothers day comes and I get the annual potted flower for mothers day from his mom with the bull shit flattery card. She was literally at our house for 10 mins maybe and left. Our son screamed because she tried to hold him and our girl did her usual 2 yr old show off stuff because Grandma was there. (I had a relization as well, in my previous post I had mentioned a diagnosis his daughter carries.. when seeing how my 2 yr old greated Grandma when she got there, 6 year old does the exact same thing.) 

This last weekend he had her again, of course at his moms. He no longer is doing the conversating about pick up as his mom has gladly stepped into the role and taken over. (They've had words regarding it and like everything else, has fallen on deaf ears) He was in a horrible mood all weekend but wouldn't really elaborate on anything. I needed to take a trip to the home improvement store to get some items on a project that we are working on and he called and said that he would take care of it. When he brought the stuff home he was short and snippy which usually the case when he is bothered by something. Said the weekend went fine but daughter was extremely attention seeking and he was tripping over her often. 

Last night he was with his dad and I stumbled upon a conversation regarding the situation (first they've talked about it) about how his mom rants about how I am such a f@#$ing b!tch and there is nothing wrong with his daughter. (his mom and dad are not together) His dad has been the #1 complainer on her behavior in the past and has also distances himself from her. He went on to talk about how this really bothers him because it is a problem and I'm not being a f@#$ing b!tch to just be, I have a valid point and went on to discuss how she is even with my two kids. Which he has NEVER addressed that with me so I was kind of surprised he has taken initiative on pointing that out as well. His dad didn't have much to say about the situation but was a strong advocate on getting her some help, not only for the situation, but for the benefit of her herself. But knows he definiately doesn't have any influence on the situation neither. 

I really wish his mom would talk to me about it, I know she won't unless she is in a spot where I can't chime in such as around all of the kids as it happened last time. 

Any advice out there on how to further handle this situation?

I don't see any fix on my end because the kid needs help and is only getting worse as time goes on and I refuse to put my kids in her path. His previous argument has been he can't correct her behavior towards others with her not being around. My response was exactly the above, I'm not putting my kids in her path. Especially when there was no corrective action taken previously. Her and his mother feel there is no problem and think he is such a terrible person for allowing this to go on. His mother has made comments before that he should have never had any more kids and just left his focus on her. 

I really feel as this situation will eventually (sooner than later) turn into a walk away or she is it.