how do we stay cool in a heated issue
Oh gosh where do I start, I have been with my SS for 5 years, just newely married to his father for almost a year. Up until about 1 month ago I never met BM (I gues she said I was intimidating) however I may be don't you think you would want to meet the lady that is taking care of your child 50% of the time. She is a lezbian and played major games with his father up until 1 week that we were to get married, games like I want you back and then we can make things work, however about 2-3 years ago when she wanted she would tell him she wanted him back, he would break up with me then go to her, and low and behold she didn't no longer want him... time and time she did this to us.. .i love him dont' ask me why I stayed other then I loved/love him alot... so needless to say we got married and things are horribly rough when ss is around.. he plays us against each other all the time, he is mean to my BS and is constantly making him cry or hurting him some how and turning it around on my son. I know my BS is not perfect but some of the stuff SS says BS did just does not add up... SS hates it when DH are alone together and is constantly saying come on dad come with me, come play with me come on dad lets go... I have done nothing to him but try to include in and treat him as my own but holy shit why does this have to be like this... does anyone think that because BM is a lesbian and everyone believes that SS has no idea what is mom is and really does know, so he is treating all women in is live like shit.. I have no problems with lesbians my bf is a lesbian but she does not play games, my problem with BM is that she plays games and believes that no one knows except for a select few of her lifestyle... I just want them to be honest with SS so he can maybe not be so harsh with me and understand that I am only here to help. Also when I am trying to talk with my BS my SS is always trying to get BS to go with him and always interupting what is going on with me and BS... I need help because my SS is cauing huge issues at home with my new hubby and the whole household... What do i do, how can i get a better handle on my ss with out getting upset because he does not listen to me and he is extremely disrespectful towards. sorry about everything running together but this saddens me so my mascara is running while i am writing this, he ss and i could get things straightened out there would be no issues in my marriage, it would be so awesome... can someone tell me how to get there.. please
begging for some advise before it is too late for us..
Comments
From the very limited...
amount of information you've provided, I think that SS probably holds a grudge against you and probably has deemed you the reason for the demise of his bio-parents relationship. The only reason I say this is because of your husband's bouncing back and forth between you and his ex. That is confusing to anybody involved.
Sit him down and talk to him. Maybe even involve a counselor. He's obviously got some anger issues and is taking them out on you and your son.
Also, no where is it writtent that you HAVE to forge a relationship with him. If he wants to be disrespectful and hateful towards you, I wouldn't maintain any positive attitude towards him. Simply tell him that you won't put up with it and retrieve his father to deal with him. Leave all of the discipline and arguing to your husband; it's HIS responsibility to make sure your SS is behaving.
Honey, grab a kleenex and stop wasting your tears over a little tyrant who treats you like crap.
"For every ailment under the sun....There is a remedy, or there is none;
If there be one, try to find it; If there be none, never mind it." ~ W.W. Bartley
to from the very limited
Thank you for your help on this situation. I also should of informed everyone that when my husband was going back and forth he and his ex did not involve their son. Also my husband and his wife had been divorced for 5 years before we started dating, so as far as SS blaming me, I guess i never thought of it that way.
I need to learn to find the good out of SS so it is not so hard on all of us, I know this is mean but when I look at him and I see his mom. Believe it or not I am a good person always wanting better for everyone else and I take what is left. Before BM got to even know me she was spreading stuff all over about me, even to my friends that she never even knew we were friends, thanks to my friends they cleared the air.
I also feel as though I am competing against the ex-mother-in-law, she has been trouble since day one. She would talk to me one night then the next call would be to tell us to not mention this to BM, or she would start saying rumors and tell bm that I was the one that started all of this, when I was not even around or involved in a conversation that went on, she has even went as far as to call her own daughter and tell her that we ask her to help plan our wedding, now come one what sick person would do something like that, let alone to your own daughter. this is just a few things that I have had to deal with how can I get this to go away.