Financial discussions are the worst with skids. Doesn't matter how nicely I phrase it...I always feel like I'm being stingy, even when I'm not. I also feel, as a SM, that the minute I feel inclined to give anything at all (money, time, etc.) DH, BM, and skids just hop all over it and expand what I'm willing to do. Give an inch take a mile scenario. I don't think they do it intentionally...I think they're just looking out for their kids. But sometimes it just feels like a feeding frenzy to me and I'm the chum(p).

Case in point. SS is turning 18 this week. As a bday present, I offered to take his car in for two new tires since he has two that are really bad. This is typically more than we'd spend on a bday present...but it's very practical and we were in a tight spot last April and didn't really do much for him, so maybe this kind of makes up for it.

Anyway, SS of course jumps at the offer and brings me his car this morning on the way to school, I drop him off, and head to the garage. On the way, I notice that the gas tank is below E...so I fill it up. $30 gone. I get to the garage and DH texts me and says...go ahead and get 4 tires. BM has said she'll replace the other two for his bday present...she thinks it's a good idea. So I talk to the mechanic and actually end up doing three tires plus an oil change. He says one of the tires is practically new but that the car is about 7 months overdue for an oil change. OK. That's what we do. The mechanic has to put in extra oil because the oil in the engine is so low. An additional $15. By the time all is said and done, my trip to the mechanic which should have been about $200 has now cost us close to $400. Plus the $$ I spent on gas for him. Oh well, I think. At least we're splitting it with BM.

Not so. I tell DH the total and ask when BM will reimburse and he says: "Oh. I already told her that we decided to just get three tires, so she's paying for one since we said we'd do two." Um. OK. She said she'd do two as well, and I made an executive decision that an oil change was more important than a fourth tire. Then DH informs me that we'll just reduce the next CS payment by the amount that BM is "contributing." Yeah...um, ok. But we're paying an additional month on SS after he turns 18, so, really, she's still coming out ahead after her "contribution" isn't she? Way ahead. I know that it's the same difference...we're still technically getting paid back...it just feels different. Feels like we've paid it all and like I got duped into it.

The tires and oil change were paid for from our household account, which, theoretically, DH and I contribute to 50/50. The reality is more flexible than that since we're both freelance, and sometimes he contributes more, sometimes I do. I feel like I end up contributing more and covering unexpected expenses more frequently than he does, on the whole.

More than this, though. I worry that SS is learning horrible habits. He has a job and he has ONE financial responsibility. His car. His own gas, insurance, maintenance, etc. He's always buying himself new clothes...but he brings me his car below E? His oil is so low that he's in danger of damaging his engine? Of ruining his FREE car that was given to him with a year of taxes, insurance, and maintenance paid for when he turned 16 (DH's parents did this). How is he ever going to learn to care for a car if the grown-ups in his life keep stepping in and solving his problems?

The worst thing, though, is this turned from something I was happy to do as a gift / surprise into something that I regret suggesting in the first place...something where I feel like I was tricked into doing more than I agreed to do. I hate feeling this way, and it is turning me into a stingy person, I'm afraid. Simply because I don't want to be taken advantage of.

SD turns 16 in May. No way am I offering up anything...