SD16 got her license now FDH HAS to pay
for everything the car needs even though he bought it.......
I KNEW this would be a can of worms, it always is with SD16. A quick recap- Last summer FDH bought a car from a buddy to sell for a profit, intentionally deceiving me he never sold it and instead saved it for princess SD16. She got her license and they went to get the car last week. They went right to the shop and he got her a oil change, gas and get her tires rotated.
BM didn't pay for shit or help with the cost of anything. She said she doesn't have any $, of course she doesn't.........
The tech told him don't waste $7/tire rotating and balancing, she needs new tires pretty soon...........and it starts. I tried to be on the up and up with FDH and open about this whole car thing, I'm just fn pissed. He says she needs to get more hours at her job or find a 2nd part time job, she supposedly has $ saved up for car/gas expenses which is what FDH said she will use for her car. So far, FDH has paid for EVERYTHING, now she's already begging him for new tires and he said " not right now" which means he plans on buying them in the future??? WTF
BM helped with nothing. I asked him what exactly is SD16 going to be responsible for her car?? He said gas, and he's only going to pay for her gas here and there bc she made the honor roll and he's just so proud of her :sick:
WE DON'T HAVE THE $ TO PAY FOR HER CAR EXPENSES!!!!! Thank God our finances are separate, I just don't understand. If she can't afford the upkeep on her car like gas, oil changes etc. Then maybe she's not mature enough to have a car.
When we had this argument he just throws the whole "you don't like me to do anything for my kids, you get mad when I help them" He said he's her dad ad it's his responsibility to make sure she is safe and the car is in good enough condition for her to be driving it bc she doesn't know how to do any of it.
I guess teaching her and not just doing it for her is just a ridiculous suggestion.
Fuck my life
It's always something
Yeah I dont understand
Yeah I dont understand this.
Im the youngest of 5 (4 older step siblings) we were all told if we wanted to drive then we would need to pay for it ourselves as dad couldnt afford and wouldnt pay for all of us. What they did do was for our 17th birthdays they paid for our provisional licence. (I think it works a bit differently in the UK to USA)
That being said we all had part time jobs from when we were 14, at one point we got pocket money of £50 for the month but that soon stopped.
We all had to pay for our own driving lessons at £18 a lesson, if we couldnt afford it then we better ask our bosses for more hours or dont do driving lessons. The end result, my eldest brother never learnt to drive, my other brother did, my sister did and I did. All 3 of us had our licences by 18, we all had to buy our own cars and were responsible for them.
There were very rare occassions that our parents would bail us out with the cars unless there was a reasonable problem, if we were just short on a garage bill as more problems had been found. If we were just short of petrol money before payday but that was only whilst we were living at home.
Im not sure if its an american thing as none of my friends were ever brought cars by their parents but i really dont get it.
Well if DH bought the car on
Well if DH bought the car on his own without any input from BM, I dont think that BM should be responsible for paying for anything. This seems to be DH's deal.
Of course he wants to buy SD a car and will pay for it to be fixed and running because he wants to seem like he is doing right by his daughter by giving her a car and making sure it's safe to drive. I think this is what every parent wants. It's something about buying a damn car for your kid that makes you a great parent.
If you can afford it, then great. If your kid is responsible, even better.
Thankfully your money is seperate. Let his wallet feel the pain of trying to maintain another car.
Who is paying for the insurance? Will SD be able to afford the gas and oil changes?
I dont see anything wrong with him helping her out with gas every now and then as long as she is working and contributing to the majority of the expensives and she is doing good in school.
BM "Told" him he has to buy
BM "Told" him he has to buy her a car, he bought the other kids a car when they were married and he made a lot more $. BM did have input her and SD16 just have the mentality that he "owes" them. They are supposed to split bigger expenses or special occasion expenses in half per BM, until it comes to her coming up with her half then all of the sudden she doesn't have it and FDH won't press her for it, if he says anything it turns into the whole you chose goincrazy over your own daughter and now you won't pay for XYZ??? Get's him everytime. Ugh.
I agreed with getting it safe and making sure the car is set for her to use however new tires were not in the expenses. SD16 is lying about having $ saved up. she blew it all at the mall. She's already begging for tires which shows me that any and everything the car will need in the future is going to be FDH's responsibility not her's.
SD16 does have a job but she's on call bc "she doesn't like to work"........She called FDH crying bc she had to work all weekend. I have no idea how she's going to afford her car expenses. Hopefully she will actually work.
FDH told BM if she won't contribute to the car then she needs to carry insurance on her. With her student discount it's $50/month. BM pays $25 and SD16 pays $25.
I'm trying hard to stay out of it but I can't stand it.
Well the fact that BM told
Well the fact that BM told your DH that he HAD to do something and he did it... well that would be my biggest problem and not how is DH going to pay for tires or SD pay for gas.
BM and DH bought OSD a car. Car needed fixed. DH paid for it and BM was suppose to give him half. She never did. OSD decided she didnt like the car. She traded it for another car and never got the plates transfered. Plates were reported stolen. Car got impounded. No one got it out of impound.
BM seems to think that DH should have bought or helped to buy the other 2 kids cars that have since turned 16 and gotten their liscenes. I made it very clear to DH that just because BM thinks they should have it, doesn't mean they need it. And what she thinks, has nothing to do with DH.
DH is always boo whooing how he wishes he could buy all his kids a car. Umm okay buddy get a better paying job.
Oh we got in a huge fight
Oh we got in a huge fight about it, he says he doesn't care what she says and he did get all his other kids cars. The fact that it's a decent car for pretty cheap he couldn't pass it up so he got it for her- not bc BM said he had to get her a car, apparently he was going to anyway. So that argument went no where.
I am pissed that this is an extra expense we have a lot of other shit that has to get paid. If she can't afford a car she shouldn't have one. OSD decided she didn't like the car??? How ungrateful!!!!! Thats just crazy. I would have been so mad about the $ wasted! And what an idiot!
Thank God my SD22 didn't even
Thank God my SD22 didn't even get her license until she was about 21 and married, so wasn't our problem.
The girl didn't even know a car needed oil changes. :jawdrop:
Yes, your DH is her dad and blah, blah, blah but I agree with you, teach her the responsibilities of owning and driving a vehicle.
Luckily, my mom had the
Luckily, my mom had the experience of my stepbrother getting bought a car so now I don't have to make the same mistake for my SS. My stepdad bought my oldest stepbrother a car. My stepdad was so excited that one of his kids was finally old enough to drive. He couldn't wait to buy him a vehicle to drive. It was a stick-shift truck. My stepbrother didn't want to learn how to drive a stick-shift so he used it for a little while and then it sat in our drive way forever. My stepbrother's mom ended up buying him a newer year car to "one-up" my stepdad and it was an automatic so my stepbrother drove that. When my stepdad got the truck back from my stepbrother, he realized my stepbrother had done nothing to care for the car and to make sure it was maintained.
So from then on, my mom and stepdad decided that no child was going to get a vehicle unless they lived in their house. Mainly, it was to make sure that things were maintained on the vehicle (my stepdad was a little anal about this) and to make sure there was insurance, etc so they would know if any tickets were received, etc while the vehicle was being driven. So my other two stepsiblings never received a vehicle from my stepdad and my mom and stepdad bought my brother and I a car when we were old enough.
I've shared the experience with my husband and fortunately, he agrees that we aren't going to be buying SS a car or paying for maintenance or anything on it unless he lives with us at the time. We still have 6 years to go on this one, but all signs are currently pointing to us not having to worry about buying him a car.
I just don't get it. BM lets
I just don't get it. BM lets her do whatever she wants so she can now skip school and drive around....she does get good grades but she misses a lot of school and always has. Her mom lets her do what she wants and SD16 has been treated like an adult since 12 years old. FDH has no say on rules with the car even though he bought it, she's not around for him to enforce anything.
He also had BM put the car in her name....... :jawdrop:
Actually that was a good
Actually that was a good move...Now he is not liable.
Agreed. thats why he did it,
Agreed. thats why he did it, but he also has no say either and he bought it. He got the spare thats about it. I guess he would have no say anyway!
I'm so glad my parents
I'm so glad my parents instilled a sense of "if you want it bad enough, you'll work for it" into my sister and I. I do the same with my kids. They earn an allowance based on chores and have learned to save for things they want. But SS... Nope. BM and H have taught him that the world "owes" him whatever his heart desires and he's 7. He's in for a major eye-opener as he matures...
I agree with him - but with
I agree with him - but with the caveat he has to pay his half of all bills first. I pay for maintenance on my sons car. I do not pay for gas, unless he is running errands for me. I also, did not allow it to go to college due to the increase in insurance and parking fees.
But, he was an honor student that was active and needed a car. But, I would never do this unless, his grades were all a's and he paid for his own gas.
As long as DH has the money and your finances are separate and he is not neglecting his half, I say let him do it.
This is EXACTLY where I am,
This is EXACTLY where I am, and we have talked about the budget and what is in the budget in therapy and also him treating me as a partner in decision that affect me!
I like how you worded it, it's so hard to think clearly and speak in a way thats effective when I'm upset.
Of course he should not have
Of course he should not have bought her a car. She doesn't NEED a job and when she does she can take the bus. Some parents seem to think its part of being a parent, others teach their kids to appreciate what they've earned by letting the kid pay their own way. I never understood why it was a good idea to buy a kid a car unless you lived on a farm and the kid had to get to school. Better than driving him I guess.
But he DID buy her a car and that's the problem or more accurately the money he is spending is the problem. But you're keeping your finances separate. I'm guessing you want to mutually save for some future expense, down payment on house or a vacation this summer and he's not going to have the money.
Well his priorities are different and you better get used to it. He likes to spend money, easy come easy go, whereas you like to save it. He's not going to change. Nor are you. So your options are 1. live with it. 2. don't live with it by leaving.