Guess who wants to rehash the past... AGAIN
So DH and Starry went out for coffee last night. After he mentioned in the conversation that he and I are happy and in a good spot, Starry decided to revamp the smear campaign and started complaining to her dad about me. She told him that she thinks I "only tolerate her" and that she will never be close to me.
She brought up stuff from when she was a kid about how she felt like I never wanted her around, which is not true. This was all discussed at length in family therapy six years ago.
Which she complained about too, claiming that the sessions were biased in my favor. She said this because while she was dumping all over me during one of our sessions, my therapist brought up the point that I have never learned how to be a nurturing mother because I did not have one.
So, now therapy was a waste of time in her mind.
I think she wants someone to affirm her and tell her that she is completely right and i'm just the bitch stepmom.
I find it telling that she unloaded all of this stuff AFTER DH mentioned how happy we are. I'm starting to suspect that she does not want us to stay together and never has.
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Just another day in Stepland.....
The dissatisfied stepkid litany: "only tolerates me", "didn't want me around", poor me, poor me. Don't you feel like telling her to grow up and get a life, thats how I always feel when my SD62 stsrts this stuff. Its a bid for dadddddy's attention and pity. And yes, she doesnt want you to stay together and never did
Ahh yes. That whole woe is me
Ahh yes. That whole woe is me rhetoric. Sd29 still pushing that to this day. Saying I never accepted her, and still complains about how she never has come first. As if she hasnt been the one that expects to be pitiied.
By the way. I've wanted to scream for her to just get a life many many times..still do.
My DH’s Spawn is the same way
My DH’s Spawn is the same way, she’s looking for him to say he was a horrible monster who took her away from her poor helpless mother and raised her under an abusive tyrant (me) and she was only able to escape by the skin of her teeth. Every time Spawn wants to meet with DH its so that she can re-hash the past and throw the same things back in his face ad nauseum. I cut ties with her a long time ago and have refused to ever revisit anything with her. She is a victim of her own making just like her drug addict mother. My DH is willing to swallow her bullshit in the hopes that some day she might just see we weren’t the awful people she has decided we are. I personally have no use or need for her, any type of relationship with her is going to be fraught with drama and abuse and a slope so slippery you will never be able to gain the first ridge.
I think a lot of these CODs
I think a lot of these CODs have a wounded child inside them that, for a variety of valid and invalid reasons, hasn't healed from the divorce. They weren't okay with their parents splitting up back then, and part of them still isn't okay even years later. They may paste on a smile and pretend to go along with things, but deep down they still hold resentment, and they aim it at the "outsider" who took their parent away. Add to that the atavistic territorial behaviors of a lot of females and you get Starry, smiling in your face while throwing knives at your back.
She needs therapy - skilled secular therapy. I think you should step waaay back for a while, and let her father hopefully guide her towards a professional who can help her heal these old wounds that have nothing to do with you.
I absolutely agree.
I absolutely agree.
It’s the SK wants to control there BF life.
They want a SM who pays for everything they want. And will not be talked to, sit home as SD and BF go out to restaurants, concerts and vacations alone.
YOu got that right about the
YOu got that right about the inability for some of these SKidults to know when to let things go! It gets to the point where you wonder if being the Eternal Victim is all they have going for them, since they act like most if not all of their Idenity is just tied up with that mentality.
It really is sad. This is
It really is sad. This is what happens when you don't process trauma in a healthy way.
You are exactly right on!
You are exactly right on! Then these SKIDS still bitch and moan about having such a miserable life which has been off their own creation brought to them by their own conscious choices.
why is he telling you what
why is he telling you what she says? how the hell does he expect you to react when he tells you of attacks you can't even answer to. tell him to keep his daughter's bullshit to himself. you don't need her made up stress and he needs to stop it.
I was the one who asked how
I was the one who asked how things went. He had considered not telling me but said something because I asked.
I told DH-
I'm not everyone's cup of tea- and not everyone's mine- AND THAT'S OK! I realized long ago when trying to figure out my relationship with my skids- these aren't people I relate to. These are not people I would seek out. Not people I would hang out with or have any relationship with outside of DH- and I began to step back and view them as my best friends children- I can sympathize and cluck over but ultimately I'm just friends with their parents and don't need to be involved in their lives if I choose not to-and that's ok too.