Do you ever wonder???
I have read many of your stories about the BF or DH having personal (some very personal) conversations with the ex and exes doing all they can to get the BF or DH back. Do you all ever wonder if maybe he may possibly go back? The reason I ask is because my BF had many too personal for my taste conversations with his ex. Every time we had the slightest disagreement he was on the phone to her about it, telling her what happened and asking what he should do. These phone calls and IM messages were all "behind my back" while he was at work. Not the person I would choose to know all my business, but, some things happened and changes were made. Or at least he said things have changed and I can tell that they have changed somewhat. But, I still have that aching feeling that something he is still communicationg with her more than claims to be. I don't have access to his work phone or email address to "check up" on him. I have checked his personal email and cell phone and found nothing. But then he could be deleting calls and text messages as he was doing before. The feeling that something just isn't right remains and I worry constantly that he is "scheming" and going to end up going back to her. I ask him all the time and he says that he is not seaking to her anymore, I just don't believe him even thought he seems sincere. He just keptso much from me in the past I don't know how to forgive this and move on. Please help as I am going crazy and considering giving up and leaving him.
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Instincts
Trust your instincts honey...if something doesn't feel right,then it normally isn't but you know your partner better than anyone here so you need to know if you can trust him or not and only you can make that decision. The fact that he was so secretive before has not done him any favours. Have you thought about some relationship councilling? If he is sincere enough about your relationship then he should try anything to ensure you feel secure in his love!!!!!
You can't go through the whole of your relationship constantly living in fear that he wil go back to her or checking up on him. Life is far too short for that.
I agree trust your instincts
Once someone has broke the bond of trust it is hard to get back. My BF said he was going to change his communication with X in the past and then didn't. He was taking her calls behind my back. So this time around I ask. We made an agreement to not take all her calls, to make her leave messages and he talks to her in the evening only on his terms because she abused the phone. So now I drive him crazy asking if she called or he talked to her. Mostly because I want to know if our plan is working, but also because he hid it from me in the past and when I thought things were getting better they in fact were not. So now if he gripes that I keep asking I just remind him of how things went down before and tell him that I don't want him to start giving in to her again.
Good luck
Alisha
I am BM to 2 kids, and SM to
I am BM to 2 kids, and SM to 2 kids. When it comes to communicating with my ex, his wife freaks out anytime she knows that we had a conversation... (which, are only about our kids and nothing else)... my ex has informed me that his wife believes we are having sex if we are getting along in any way, shape, or form.
It was extremely difficult for many years.... I literally could not communicate with my ex regarding the kids (and we share custody). My son could not play sports because we split each week and it always ends up that he would be responsible for one pratice per week as would I.... well his wife won't allow that because it would entail too much cooperation.... and you guessed it.... it we are cooperating for the sake of the kids.... we are having sex too.
SOOO, after years of arguing... hating each other... putting the kids after his wife's desires.... he decided to start lying to his wife because that was the easiest way for him to handle the situation. So, my ex set up a schedule to make sure that his wife will not catch on to our communications... I can call his cell phone between the hours of 12 noon and 4pm because he is nowhere near his wife during those hours... he even goes as far as to set up fake fights with me just to make sure that his wife does not catch on that we are getting along. For instance, he will call me and give me a heads up that I will be receiving a nasty e-mail from him... he will ask me to either argue back.... or just ignore the message. As long as his wife thinks that we are not communicating other than arguing... she is content.
So, it is really silly. In the end I kind of feel badly for my ex's wife because their marriage is based on lies... but really what choice does he have? Neither he, nor I are going anywhere and we are completely drained from the constant arguing and hate. We have both moved on, both re-married, I am very happy and want nothing to do with my ex unless it pertains to the kids.
However, as the SM, I do have to admit that I tense up when my DH communicates with his ex... On one hand I say I am glad when they are getting along because I don't want DH to endure all the drama with his ex that I had to go through with mine... but on the other hand I get this lingering thought in the back of head that makes me wonder WHY are they getting along all the sudden? Is there something I don't know? Is she attempting to manipulate my trusting DH again??
I don't know if any of this will help. One thing I do know is that if you give your DH too hard a time for too long a time... he may end up lying to your face just to get you to shut up.... and I couldn't imagine being in that position.
Good luck!
Heart
Trust your heart. He is for surely talking to someone. I really would not like my personal business out there especially to an ex wife. That concerns me. I know all we have is someones word and I know he has given you his word. But we are women of instinct and we know our heart and what it says. I would be careful in future arguements because at this point there is NOT much she does not know. Where is the bond in the relationship? I would feel married to all 3 (her included). Which is horific. Talk to him again and tell him that it hurts your heart and then all you can do is rely on trust.