No, you're not a horrible person! As much as some people want "us to all just get along" we cannot make that happen especially if the BM's are horrible people. And like you said yourself, your SS is an adult and knows you all don't get along so there's nothing wrong with dividing up the day/night. It's nice to begin with that you can even celebrate such an event. My own SD's don't want me around if their BM is involved. When children of divorce are young, they have to divide their weekends/vacations up with the parents so you would think they'd be use to it. It's not a perfect world like some want it to be..but that's just my opinion. Other people might tell you to suck it up for the sake of your SS..but if it causes drama..don't do it!

Your SS should be spending a spilt break between both parents homes (or lodging place). There is no reason to have both parents together with their DH/BF dining together. Why would they?

Sure, both parents want to spend as much time as possible with their son, but there's no need to be as if everyone is all just one happy united family. Ok, sure, if there was only a one day leave between graduation before leaving for his next placement, maybe a joint dinner (or lunch with BM and dinner with Dad). Most people can suck it up in a pinch if were truly a one time chance before off SS goes again. But not the case here. There's plenty of time to share the two weeks and not make the visit uncomfortable for anyone.

Perhaps BM and DH can spilt the cost of a flight if SS needs to fly between homes/areas. Dinner with your spouse's ex (shaking head), what a way to lose your dining appetite. :?

I wouldn't want to do it either, so let us know how this turns out.

I don't have dinner with someone my husband couldn't stay married to. That's just too blech for me.

Whether ss spends half the day visiting one on one with his mom and her boyfriend then half the day with his dad and sm, doesn't it still equal out to the same amount of interaction as all day with everyone together? The difference might be in the feeling of freedom to have discussions that are geared more personally towards the common interests of ss and each individual parent couple when the visit is split.

Interaction is not going to be ss doing all the talking and only his choice of subjects. Each set of parental figures will be bringing some of their recent experiences and opinions and subjects to the conversations. Does your dh or you really want to hear any reference as to how their life is at the moment, or hear discussion about people you and dh don't know.

I would rather stab myself than sit down to dinner with Sasquatch. Your h is off his rocker...for real

I think it all depends on all involved and the dynamics within the family. We do it for birthdays and special occasions. BM hasn't been a horrible person, but has caused her share of difficulties and has tried to control situations. BM cheated on SO, so if he can be amicable at these times, I can too. And on the reverse side, my SO has attended holidays with my step sons, and my ex. But if you absolutely cannot do it, then tell your DH ahead of time to make separate plans with his son aside from BM and her plans, that way everyone knows what is coming down before it happens!

My DH is implying that there may be a chance we all go out to dinner together

And I would imply that if that happens, somebody is going to get hurt. Whether that be him or BM is up for debate.

For those that get along and can do this, great. For those of us with bitch BMs, it is not even up for discussion.

I've gone to dinner with BM and the SK for very special occasions (like graduations). BM and I ignore each other. Is it pleasant or comfortable? No.

But sometimes it's ok to be uncomfortable for the sake of someone else (note: I am not asked to do this often.)