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Moving out of state...seeking answers

MountainMom's picture

Hi everyone,

A little background: I have a 14 ( almost 15 year old ss). We share 50/50 custody with his mom. We do not have a good relationship with her but it's cordial. My husband has had to seek work out of state due to lack of work. He found a great job out of state, so he sat down with ss and bm and explained the situation. Ss told bm and hubby that he wants to move with us. He had a huge list of pros to go with the biggest being he wants to be with his dad.. Bm implied at the time that if that was what he wanted, they would work it out.

Now we are going forward with putting our house on the market and bm is going back on what she said during the meeting. In our state, a 14 year old does have a say, but the judge is final word. Any suggestions from other parents who have moved? I have already started packing my house, and I don't want to be homeless. TIA

Comments

fakemommy's picture

The judge will side with the kid, hands down. Prepare for court, but I bet BM will back down after meeting with an attorney.

MountainMom's picture

That's what everyone keeps telling me but I hate court. I called our attorney and will probably file soon. We want to move the kids before the new school year starts.

justmakingthebest's picture

File sooner than later. Court dates are running 3-4 months out in most places right now. 

I would suggest that the agreement say that at the end of summer break SS comes to live with you for the new school year but that he is to finish this year with his mom- as that will be in the best interest of the child (not moving schools mid year). 

Make a good out of state parenting plan for BM to help ease into this change. The one I had with my kids dad seemed to work well. He got: 10 weeks in the summer, every spring break, every other Thanksgiving, 1/2 of Winter Break- rotating Christmases and it was also stated that he could see our kids with "Liberal and open visitation" when he was back in our town. Have scheduled facetimes and make sure SS sticks to them.

MountainMom's picture

Did your kids say they wanted to move with you? Did they have to say that in court? Ss says he will tell a judge because he wants to go but we are trying to spare him of that. 

justmakingthebest's picture

My ex was the one to move. We never even discussed the kids going with him.

I think putting a kid on a stand is wrong, and will create a lot of problems. Most of the time the judge  will speak to a child in chambers so that they aren't put in a situation of having to choose one parent over the other to their face. Hopefully if you show BM that you will grant as much visitation as possible, she will allow it. 

I would also offer to pay for the plane tickets in your shoes. 

MountainMom's picture

Of course. I would never expect her to pay for that. Agree with putting kids on the stand. 

MountainMom's picture

We offered 8 weeks in the summer and every Thanksgiving, alternating Christmas, spring break, and liberal visitations, FaceTime, and phone calls. No one wants to limit her visitations, but ss is adamant that he does not want to live with her full time anymore.

AgedOut's picture

things like school he'd be attending, dr he'd be switching to, etc. That shuts down any questions. 

futurestepmomnowstepgf's picture

there is no other way other than court and even if BM agreed I would file through court to have the CO updated so BM cannot go around changing her mind when she feels like it and claim you kidnapped him to another state or something. I agree with above that it would be best to say for the best interests of the child, he is to finish his year out at his current school and have time with BM this summer, but to start the new school year at your new school of residence. It is good to have a really thought out plan as well so that it looks like you didn't willy nilly decide this, but have made sure it is for the best interests of the child.

Thumper's picture

Thanks for the answer.

 

I wish you the best. ----I don't blame you for moving out of Cali---I would too. Hang in there Smile

Oh, You may want to offer,  inside your offers to BM,  an additional,  flexible visitation option just for BM,  IF she decides she wants to fly to your new state for a weekend visit. In the spirit of being reasonable AND coorperative AND to extend the fig leaf???  Maybe put a 14 day advance notice as part of that flexibly?? IF you just leave it open, that may turn into a nightmare. Of course I would never say that to her.....But, make it clear in new order,  She pays for flight and hotel on her dime, rental car if applicable.

Good Luck and please keep us posted. Smile