You are here

The perfect blended family !!!

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Tue, 04/18/2017 - 9:00pm

http://www.fox5atlanta.com/news/249235881-story

Check out this link. 99% of people commented that this is all awesome for the kids and sure I think it's great to be cordial etc but to appear as one happy family!?!? Your thoughts!? This article actually makes me want to be sick. I'm not the type that can be so close to an ex this way or a BM. Civil, and nice yes. One big family. Nope

Comments

ntm's picture

Submitted by ntm on Tue, 04/18/2017 - 9:38pm

And how many of us here have BM's who are willing to put their children first? I wasn't even welcome at games, let alone wear matching uniforms. The thought of presenting the idea and seeing her face contort just makes me laugh. Never in a million years.

Ninji's picture

Submitted by Ninji on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 6:04am

My Skids BM has never been to any of their events until SD graduated 6th grade. She had to act like MOTY for that day. Six years of teachers never saw her face until that day. Smile

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 11:32am

BioHo put one of her kids ahead of HER wants?? Bahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dontfeedthetrolls's picture

Submitted by Dontfeedthetrolls on Tue, 04/18/2017 - 10:40pm

It would be great right but first we've got to get Biomom to actually talk to me without hostility.

lintini's picture

Submitted by lintini on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 12:42am

I like how the suggested article under this one is "man accused of beating stepson to death."

Riiiiiiiiiiiiggghhht. And now when blending your family goes wrong.

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 12:52am

Here are my thoughts. I'm wondering if we are all biased on this board because we alll had more extrememe cases and or a HC BM etc. this though comes from the fact that almost all people that commented think this is great. Also are these SOs actually ok with doing this. Do they feel good about being a family with their spouses ex and having to deal with them on a daily with no real separation.

In my mind what this ex couple essentially did was divorce for whatever reason yet still act like a family because it is "best for the kids". They are able to put there differences aside to do what's best for the kids. Yet they could not do that in marriage to keep the nuclear family together which ultimately would have been best for the kids. Why? If they are that concerned about what's best for the kids and they are going to act like this happy family why didn't they stay married. So I'm confused

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 6:11am

Actually what is best for the kids would have been to have two happy parents in a nuclear family. Why couldn't these two work it out if they don't mind spending all this time together and they are so friendly and willing to do anything for the kids. Why didn't they try harder in marriage. ??

These step parents are saints. I wouldn't be able to handle having zero separation from an ex. Seems a bit too close for comfort to me.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 7:50am

?? Wow, very different values from mine! I don't assume that the nuclear family (which, incidentally, only became a thing after nuclear bombs were dropped in WWII) is the best for anyone. There's so little evidence to support that if you look through history. That being said, of course having loving adults of admirable yet diverse character to model various versions of success and provide good care to a child is 'best.'

I love spending time with my friends, with my cat, with my computer... but hanging out and engaging in a marriage are significantly different enterprises. Or so one would hope. Wouldn't one?

I don't think a divorce is necessarily a failure. Just like leaving a job doesn't mean you 'failed' at it. Or moving house doesn't mean you 'failed' at living there. In fact, maybe I'm too generous, but I assume that people who get divorced do so because they have tried as hard as they can and they were still not able to be happy within their marriage. If I thought that all divorces are due to not trying hard enough, then I'd be condemning abused spouses and children to stay, unhappy or unhealthy marriages to unhappiness, and I'd be gifting cheaters and liars with a hearth and home they clearly don't cherish. How cruel for the ones who do treasure marriage.

But people disagree every day. If your path makes you happy, then I'm glad you found it.

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 8:56am

Thank you my dear.. I don't expect everyone to agree with me. This is just a place for me to express my own opinions. I admit .. I am a bit old school. I believe we as a society have failed at marriage.. The divorce rate is so high and marriage has become almost obsolete to most which is very sad to me. For myself I still believe in marriage and I believe marriage is forever. I also believe people get married for the wrong reason... to feel complete, to "be happy" etc etc. No .. this is not what marriage is about. There is tons and tons of data supporting the fact that divorce is very bad for kids. It is better to keep the original family together and adults can be happy together if they keep their priorities straight.

Getting married and at the same time contemplating divorce which I see a lot on other forums to me is an oxymoron in a sense... Marriage=forever in my world.

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 9:09am

ahhh.. someone who thinks like me.. !!! in my prior relationship we were engaged and all my finance could talk about was how our divorce would play out in regards to money etc. I was like .... wow this is not going to work because we just have very differant values... divorce is not an option.. like you say unless something extreme happens.. abuse etc.

Also i don't believe in all of this "kids come first" stuff. A happy marriage comes first then the kids.... and the kids will thrive and be happy when a marriage is.

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 9:14am

I'm sorry about you past relationship.. yes we think alike!! It's about commitment for sure. Sacrifice, forgiveness, understanding and being very unselfish. Many young people don't understand what it's about.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 9:28am

I agree with you monkey and I think those of us who feel this way are fewer and farther between these days.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 9:53am

Indeed, what you say about toxic/dysfunction rings true. I'm from an 'intact' family and, because there was no physical violence, I wasn't aware of how abusive the environment was. I just assumed everyone else grew up hearing about how their parents wished they were never born, or how much of a disappointment they were, and I was the odd one for letting it bother me. In my case, I used to wish my parents would get divorced. At least I'd only be ignored or rejected by one at a time.

But I'm very happy in my own marriage. An acquaintance recently revealed she is going through a second divorce, this time with small children. And I put myself in her shoes as much as I could, and oh, the heartbreak. I can't imagine ever wishing to find another relationship if this one heads towards divorce. I've never known anyone so wonderful as my DH and I don't trust that another one is 'out there'.

I sometimes wonder what has changed. If there was no legal option for divorce, then of course people didn't divorce. Same for no religious option. But that wouldn't necessarily affect whether people stayed living in the same home, or whether they raised their children 'together.'

My suspicion is that there is too little attention given to knowing yourself... or another. How to learn about yourself, never mind someone else's character, their values, their goals. How to look not only at what someone can offer you, but what you bring to the table... especially the give-and-take of a relationship. Too much surface and not enough substance.

mgfun13's picture

Submitted by mgfun13 on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 1:15am

I got along with my ex for the most part but my DH's ex? Never in 10million years. Been married 16 years to Disney dad. They won't change, I'm still in last place. Whatever. I probably bring it all on myself because my rolling of my eyes or the resting bitch face gives it away. Matching shirts? Gag me.

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 3:22am

co-parenting can work, I've seen it so many times in my life.....

years ago in my home town growing up... 2 different couples divorced, and re-married the other person... each couple had 2 kids.... well in the new marriages there were more kids, and these to couple moved in next to each other...
middle fence was broken down, 10 kids playing in one big yard, going in and out of both houses, 10 kids sleeping where ever they wanted that night.... 4 adults and 10 kids holidaying together, there was never any problems or issues...

My brother and his wife divorced, she kept the little girl, he kept the little boy, they live in different towns, but once a month they get together for a week-end and they holiday together, SIL is engaged and takes her fiance with, my brother and this guy became good friends, Bro takes his girl friend with on holiday... yes 4 adults and 2 children holidaying together... no problems and no issues... the Step parents are allowed to discipline the kids when needed..
kids are raised with .. you will respect adults, you don't have to like them but you will not be rude either..

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 8:43am

yes they did and it works for them ....

the boy was 7 at the time and refused to part with his father... the girl was 2... thus the adults decided and it works for them.... and the children.... it's not like the kids never see each other, they do see each other allot over other holidays,

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 9:30am

that's terrible - I just. I can't even.

I bet it doesn't "work" as well for the kids as it does for the very selfish (imo) parents. Seeing your sibling for a few weeks at Christmas is not the same as living with them day in and day out.

Also - since when does a 7 year old call the shots?

Acratopotes's picture

Submitted by Acratopotes on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 9:34am

WOB... the towns are an hour apart.... kids go back and forth between Mum and dad's over week-ends, with school sport etc.... once a month they spend whole week-end together...with adults

we have 4 school holidays, not only 1... again kids goes back and forth between the towns, shuttle services and cheap.

We have allot of families living like this, one parent in the city with older high school kids in better schools, other parent works in home town (small town) with primary school kids there... only difference is my brother is divorced and other fathers not...

Remember Mars is different from US and our cultures are different...

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 10:43am

None of that justifies splitting the kids apart. One weekend a month - big freaking deal.

Okay so Christmas, Spring break and the summer. Still a horrible thing to do to a kid.

TwoOfUs's picture

Submitted by TwoOfUs on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 7:28am

lol.

Yeah...that's exactly the part that made me gag, too. "Mommy" and "Daddy" -- that is going to be one spoiled little girl for sure who thinks the entire world revolves around her. Yikes.

I would also NEVER introduce myself as so-and-so's "Mommy" -- and I've never heard my parents do it. Even when it was a kid event, like a parent-teacher conference, they'd at least say their name first: "Hi, I'm Paul, TwoOfUs' Dad."

The fact is, this is all for show on Social Media. "Look what amazing parents we are, world!!!" This is actually terrible parenting. Just raise your kid and teach her right from wrong. Don't use her as a photo op and teach her that the grown-ups in her life only exist in relation to her.

WalkOnBy's picture

Submitted by WalkOnBy on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 8:36am

but but but they're poor widdle CODs - of COURSE they must be the center of the Universe

:sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick: :sick:

still learning's picture

Submitted by still learning on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 7:29am

Oh yippee, matchy matchy. What's gonna happen if the girl decides to take ballet; matching tutus anyone? Personally I'd be annoyed if BM tried to dress me.

moeilijk's picture

Submitted by moeilijk on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 7:53am

Ugh. When I was a kid I hated it when my mom used to make me and my sister (4 years younger) wear the same dresses... I have a cousin who does this now with her girls. I remember doing a road trip with another family and the mom explaining to the kids why some other family were all wearing matching shirts or something. She thought it was American (remember, I'm Canadian) to go out as a family and identify yourselves as belonging together, like on a baseball team. Made me laugh but also made me think of National Lampoon....

ESMOD's picture

Submitted by ESMOD on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 8:03am

I love these stories about when the kids are toddlers and the families are "playing nice". It's like the parents that vow to take pictures together every year. Their kid is 4 and they split when he was two. So you want a medal because you have been able to not lose your cool with your ex for 2 years????

A lot of people can hold it together for a couple years. It's the long run that tells the tale and it isn't shown via one photo op. It's 1000's of moments strung together. 1000's of opportunities to do the right thing.

uofarkchick's picture

Submitted by uofarkchick on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 8:38am

This woman needs to pull her head out of the unicorn's ass. There are absolutely situations where co parenting CAN'T work. Like when one parent is an abuser/rapist/junkie.

yolo222's picture

Submitted by yolo222 on Wed, 04/19/2017 - 9:01am

of course there are extreme circumstances. In my prior case there was nothing really bad going on except BM was a lier and cheater and basically a big whore. I was all for co- parenting but I think you can go over board and make you SO feel like they are an outsider.

ChiefGrownup's picture

Submitted by ChiefGrownup on Sat, 04/22/2017 - 5:24pm

Ours would read "Unabomber is my role model" (SD) "Narcissist" (BM) "Rosecolored glasses" (DH) "Needs medical attention" (moi)