Update. Decision made !!!
Hello everyone.... life is just moving along for me. I just got promoted at work and am thrilled with that!!
I have been doing some dating and have not found anyone that I'm remotely interested in. I have decided that I will no longer date men with children that are younger. That life is not for me. I've also thinking that I don't need a man at all. So I'm working on myself. I'm working out doing a lot of reading and hanging out with lots of friends.
I've told a few people about how I don't want to date men with small kids any more and they seem offended!?!? This is my own personal choice. I know what I can and can't handle going forward. Even if I met my perfect match or soul mate if he had young kids sorry deal breaker.
I may be a bit jaded from my last relationship. I was burned so badly and treated like crap for so long this is where I'm at now.
I feel like some days are getting better for me as far as the heartbreak but I'm still having bad days too.
I will say this. Getting out of that relationship was the best thing I ever did. He was not good to me. And I'm no longer an outsider. The grass is green on the other side. At least for me it is. I would rather be alone permanently than ever be treated like that again.
I hope u all are doing well❤️
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Comments
Congratulations on your
Congratulations on your promotion!
"I've told a few people about how I don't want to date men with small kids any more and they seem offended!?!?"
Because we have female reproductive organs and we're all supposed to be full of love and light for all the world's children!
Tune it out. They're idiots. If you don't want to deal with young kids, isn't it best for any potential young kids that you remove yourself from contention, lest they not be "treated like your own?" Honestly, people should be thankful that you've had this realization, but instead they're doofuses.
I feel the same as you. The only reason I'm in this life is that SO's kids were older when we met, and the countdown is on. I get the same bullshit response from people, as if this view makes me selfish. The reality is that teenagers don't want me to "love them like they're my own".
They tolerate me, with moments of positivity, and I tolerate them, with moments of positivity. And that's the reality of the situation. I do feel a bit mama bear toward them in that if anyone tried to mess with them I would absolutely kick some a**, and I wish them well, and that's about the best it's going to be, I think.
I'm never going to have kids of my own and I have zero interest in putting a great deal of energy into raising another woman's young kids. I give props to any childless SM who does it. I couldn't do it and don't want to ever be in that situation.
With regard to dating, if you're still healing, there's no need to make decisions about your personal boundaries. It's okay not to want to date men with young kids, but make sure it's coming from a place of proactivity and knowing yourself versus from reactivity. Because there are dads out there - though rare - that would never dream of treating you like your ex did.
Keep focusing on you and what makes you happy. In order to meet an emotionally healthy man, you have to make sure you're an emotionally healthy woman. Get yourself whole and happy all on your own before you try to meet someone. The best relationships are when you don't need them, but you want to be with them. No one "makes" another person happy. That's on you. Dedicate a good deal of time to it and then start looking around.
Thanks for replying. I'm not
Thanks for replying. I'm not sure where my decision is coming from at this point. But if I feel differently down the road I can always change my mind. My child is grown so I'm in a totally different position in life than someone with small kids.
The thing is I really do love kids and I love having them around but the problem is the way the man handles those kids and ex etc. many men are passive aggressive and will do whatever it takes to keep BM happy. At the cost of their own relationship. No no no that life is not for me.
No need to make declarations
No need to make declarations then
When you are ready to date, you can handle each potential suitor on a case by case basis. And if he does have kids, you know what warning signs to watch out for. Don't become attached too fast because you might need to walk away (but don't take that so far that you've got walls up that make intimacy impossible to achieve.)
There is no way that you're going to end up in a relationship that you don't want to be in because you have free will and an ability to walk away. So it's not anything to worry about right now.
How are you? What makes you happy? What are you treating yourself to today to nurture your heart and soul?
(Hint hint: make sure you are focusing your energy on you, not on men.)
Excellent point. I'm really
Excellent point. I'm really trying to focus on me only!!! Working out has been huge for me and just being with friends.
Thank you granny. So did you
Thank you granny. So did you find your happiness on your own. Without a man?
It takes so much more than
It takes so much more than love to make a relationship work. The people who think it's crazy that you won't date a man with small children probably haven't learned this little gem yet. If all it took was love, there would be a lot less divorce. Keep moving onward and upward. You are going to find a great relationship sooner or later. Until then, keep nurturing the most important relationship... The one with yourself.
Thanks dear. I'm following
Thanks dear. I'm following the fake it til u make it philosophy.
I told my family at a
I told my family at a gathering that I think it's a horrible idea to date someone with kids and my family all acted shocked. They were all "but you're with someone with a kid" but I just said "exactly" and I'll do my best to encourage my kid and SS5 to avoid dating girls with children or having children too soon/young because they don't deserve such a stressful complicated life with a crazy ex.
I'm glad to hear about the job promotion and how you've moved on. It's glad to hear stories about life after being a stepmom and how it isn't the end all be all.
Good for you! When I started
Good for you!
When I started dating after my divorce my criteria was no one younger than me, no one older than ten years and no one with kids age 5 or younger. There were other things of course but I stuck to it and didn't compromise. If the SDs were younger I'm sure I wouldn't have kept on with the relationship and I knew that about myself first and foremost.
Be happy being with yourself!
Good for you, be careful with
Good for you, be careful with a man with adult daughters (and, from what I read here, the sons are not much better), too. Trust me, little ones are not the only problem when it comes to skids; adults are frequently worse.
There is no "success" recipe, but if I had my decision to do over again, knowing what I know now, ----I would have made different decisions.
Make certain you are the unquestionable priority in a partnership, or make yourself a priority without a man....
I think u nailed it. I would
I think u nailed it. I would have to be the priority. Otherwise it won't work for me.
"I have decided that I will
"I have decided that I will no longer date men with children that are younger. That life is not for me."
Good for you for knowing who you are and for having standards. Anyone who has a problem with you making healthy choices is a complete knob.
Very good points sue
Very good points sue
People are offended that you
People are offended that you don't want to date men with small children?? They obviously have absolutely no idea about what that involves, they would be completely clueless.
If I don't make it through my current mess and find myself on my own I would never, ever, EVER date a man with small children... or teenagers.... or any children at all that are still living at home. I just simply wouldn't put myself through that again, even if he was the man of my dreams. It would most likely send me completely crazy!
It's great that you know what you want and that you are in a better place now.